To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

Get a cleaner x

Get up earlier. I'm up at 5am (and don't get to bed I told 11pm) to keep on top of things during the week, then at the weekend do a whole house clean - toilets, sinks, showers/baths, dust, hoover and mop kitchen and bathroom floors, empty bins etc. Team effort with your husband. The other weekend day do the supermarket shop.

Agreed

I am a single parent
two children
and honestly… my house is my pride and joy and beautiful clean and tidy

It’s absolutely not true that everyone’s house is a mess unless they have child free time.

I mean it’s fine that the house is a mess, but not everyone lives like that and not everyone has a cleaner.

We have a cleaner come once every other week for 5 hours to do a mini re-set of the house, which is a lifeline for me. Shame kicks me into gear to get it tidied up the before she arrives (which already takes a few hours), and then she does all the cleaning. I actually kind of dread when she is supposed to come because I hate the tidying, but a clean house always feels so wonderful when she finishes. I know it's not affordable for everyone, but if you can swing it to even just have someone do a one-off deep clean over a day or two, it might get you out of the initial slump, and then from there you could try to put in a new routine.

My primary age kids all do 2-3 small house jobs every day after school. They don't love coming home to a little list of chores that needs to be done before dinner, but that's just how things have to be in a house with a lot of people. I think it's good for them to learn how to pull their (age appropriate) weight in a shared living environment. Older primary kids are definitely able to run a little cordless hoover, tidy up a room, unload the dishwasher, wipe surfaces, clean windows, empty bins, tidy/wipe bathroom surfaces... quite a lot actually. Younger ones can help to set and clear away the table, pick up their toys, water the plants, etc. Mine have a day of the week where they have to strip their beds before school so that I can do their sheets. The quality of work obviously varies by age, and you do have take some time at the front end to train them so the jobs are done to a decent standard, but the juice is definitely worth the squeeze there IMO.

Robo vacuums are brilliant!

but the floor does need to be clear first obviously

Sounds like there is a heck of a lot to sort before a cleaner would be of any value

I've only read your responses.

The kids are big enough to clear the table, and load the dishwasher after dinner. That's 15 mins back for you.

Take a harsh stance on the 8-9 nonsense of putting the kids back to bed. After 8 is "mummy time". They need to stay, quietly, in their rooms. Sleep isn't essential at that point for them. Giving you time is to do some bits in the house is.

Weekends: kids are big enough to help with stripping beds, sorting clean laundry, putting their clothes away. Getting close to being able to (poorly) push a vacuum about. Start early before they realise its not optional!

I wouldnt sacrifice your 9.30-10.30 time - although you could pull it 9-10 if you want more sleep.

You could read her other posts (and also the OP where she clearly says he's not contributing which is why she's planning a divorce)

My only bit of advice would be that every day doesn't need to look the same.

So some days, I am up at 6, cleaning the bathroom whilst having a shower, putting a wash on whilst waiting for the kettle to boil etc etc. And similar in the evening, cook a nice meal from scratch (cook extra to freeze or for lunches), tackle a room or a cupboard or something that will make me feel productive.

Other days I will 'lie in' until 7 or 7.30. Tea will be an omelette and salad or jacket potato with various toppings etc - e.g. either super quick, or super easy in that it cooks whilst I do other things. Then I will have a glass of wine, put my feet up, even watch a film or read.

(These days are less rare, but they give me the energy to do the productive days too!)

I'm a firm believer in little and often for sure, but I do find it's overwhelming if you're trying to be superwoman, alone, every day.

Honestly, it keeps me sane not having to have the exact same routine and standards every single day of my life. Good days and rest days, and try and make the good days as productive as possible to outweigh the mess!

Good luck!

But the wall of people saying they (we!) only cope due to having a cleaner should take the shame out of finding it difficult.

I’m open about it with friends and as a senior woman at work because I think it’s important to remove the illusion that it’s possible to do everything.

Is your husband doing his fair share? Are you splitting the chores 50:50 with him? We don’t have children at home now but we still split housework 50:50 and manage to keep fairly tidy despite being quite a big house.

Hi @ComeOnNowww

It sounds like you are drowning and your useless H is standing there watching you go under.
He could obviously use the bath/bedtime hours to clean downstairs - does he just absolutely refuse to even hoover anywhere?
If that's the case, and it sounds like it ia and you've kind of made your peace with that, then just do what you can and don't stress too much.

Your kids are still very young - they will grow out of the 'mummy has to be with me all the time' stage.

I like the idea of The Organised Mum method, combined with cleaning the bathroom during kids' bath time (loo and sink definitely).

I used boxes for their toys (2 boys, so lots of cars/soldiers/lego), and got them to spend 5 minutes before bath putting their toys away, with me helping.

Limit the number of toys available at any one time too.

The boys can help with some chores too, eg stripping their beds and taking bed linen to the washing machine.
Putting their plates etc in the dishwasher, if you have one, or by the sink.
Dusting.

But my top tip is to declutter- clutter is the enemy of clean.
Allocate say 15 minutes to declutter a particular area, eg living room surfaces. Either put the item where it belongs, put it in a bag for charity, or in the bin.
And be ruthless.
Then keep your surfaces clear - no ornaments (just more to dust) - not forever, just while your boys are still small.

Good luck OP. This too shall pass!

What age are your children?

For a start don’t mumsnet at gone midnight!

Agreed! Lovely post

Eh? The other five nights you just sit on MN? Bizarre!!

@ComeOnNowww I live in a huge house with just DH and DD7. House is spotless and no cleaner. The huge differences between us is that I have a very calm, sedate DD who doesn’t need to be told twice to tidy her room and make her bed and DH is very useful and engaged. You have two boisterous boys, a full on job and a useless DH. It makes no sense to ask me for tips and expect them to apply just as well for you as they do for me because we have dramatically different lives. You can’t compare apples with oranges as you will always come up short.

My only practical advice would be to sell stuff on vinted as you suggested and save up for a deep clean. Do this every few months. Don’t give up your precious decompressing time at the end of the evening and don’t cut your sleep short. You need your energy reserves for the upcoming separation with your DH. You are doing EVERYTHING by yourself and somehow keeping your shit together and being what sounds like a good mum to your boys. Focus on that please. And when you sit down with your wine this evening, give yourself a little toast for being so bloody brilliant.

Organise the kids first.
From September, they each have 6 shirts/polos, 6 trousers, 6 sets of underwear, 3 water bottles, 2 lunch bags. So every Friday, you wash and make 5 piles for each kid, and that’s uniform sorted for the whole following week.
School holidays: one week for each of the kid’s bedrooms. Be ruthless, whatever is broken/too small/hasn’t been played with: out!
2 lots of beddings for each kid, one in the wash, one on the bed.
Separate towels for the kids, separate laundry baskets, get them to choose them and it’s their job to put dirty stuff in and one load of washing for each kid, help them hang their own stuff, get a basket for clean laundry for each of them and make it their job to gather their own stuff and take it to their rooms. Give them ownership, or they’ll turn up like your husband, thinking the whole point of getting married is to have a human appliance at their beck and call. Give them each a bowl, a mug and a spoon: they’re responsible for getting them out in the morning and putting them in the dishwasher when they’re done, if they don’t, breakfast is in a jar next time.

Sort out your own stuff. Imagine you’re leaving him and moving all your stuff to a new house: what do you take, what do you throw away? Chuck old make up, cosmetics, clear the bathroom to the point: this is all I’m taking with me.

Do a house reset every evening before bed. Load the dishwasher, wipe the counters, tidy with your phone timer on for just 10 minutes.

Rinsing the sink takes 2 minutes, quick spray, quick wipe, then dry cloth.
Before you go to bed, a glug of bleach down the loo, put the lid on.

Go to bed with a notebook and make quick notes of what needs doing tomorrow, what’s for dinner etc.

Saturday morning dust their rooms and hoover. Whatever is still on the floor, gets eaten by Henry.
Put the tv on and tackle the bathroom, not perfect, but enough for you to actually enjoy getting in the shower. Put some clean clothes on, take 15 minutes to yourself, moisturise your hands, look at your skin, put some lip balm on.

Give yourself and hour to tackle the living room. Chuck whatever you’re not taking with you to your new home. Dust, Hoover, open the windows.

Basic, get your ducks in a row.

Get a cleaner op, ideally someone who’ll be coming 2-3 times a week for a regular cleaning, then twice a month deep cleaning- take it by areas.

I would also consider somebody to help with laundry- sorting, ironing.

I have a couple of nights a week where if I don’t go on mumsnet I can get other things done.

Sorry to hear you're going through all that. Give yourself a break though, it's a bit of mess, it won't kill you and you have enough on your plate already, do a bit of cleaning at the weekend and drink that wine after the kids settle down in the evenings! It will get easier as they get older, be kind to yourself

You’re in chaos because your head is in chaos because of your arse of a husband. And also you live in a large house. Divorce. Sell the house. Get a flat or a small two/ three bed that’s more manageable. Life will be much easier without the burden of the husband and the house. It’ll be your kingdom.

ps I did this and whilst my home is not spotless and I frequently feel there’s still tons to do, it is basically clean and (mostly) tidy. Except the bedrooms. But no-one sees them!

And please don’t say you’re not a good mum because your kids aren’t doing bloody music practice before school. Posters like this are just wanting to feel good about themselves.

Oh and ps a practical bed time tip: one of my kids is super clingy and always asking for another cuddle another back scratch another story etc etc (I know I’ll miss it when they’re okder but anyway it’s not practical when you need to do stuff!) I give a big hug and say “I’ll come right back for another one after I’ve had my tea/ had my bath/ hung out the washing” and after I’ve done that and pop my head back in, they’re always ALWAYS asleep. It’s like they just need to know you’re available before they can rest easy.

Haven't read the whole thread, but ive read all your replies @ComeOnNowww

My house is a tip most of the time (kids aged 10, 6 and 4) even with a husband who, by all accounts, I'm lucky to have because he actually helps (we dont split jobs in half, but each have our own e.g. he does all the laundry related stuff and I do all the cooking). We are a team, but even so we can't keep on top of it all.

Easy wins i try to implement:
Robot hoover- bought the cheapest one we saw that had good reviews. Paid about £130. It mops drags a wrt cloth around after itself as well as hoovering and i wouldnt be without one now as everywhere feels so much cleaner when the floors are done

Bathtime - I'll clean the bathroom while the kids are in the bath, or take a laundry basket in and fold/sort while I'm watching them. Get them in the bath for a bit longer to buy yourself some time. Try some sleepy bubble bath with lavender and see if that helps them settle

Jobs for the kids - they each choose 2 jobs they will help with. Mine lay/clear the table, load/unload the dishwasher. Let them pick so they feel a bit more invested.

Get ready bingo cards - got these from the works. Its been a game changer for getting the kids ready in the morning. First one to complete it gets a treat (e.g., to pick their tv show first or choose what we'll have for tea). Wasn't sure it would work but it does!

The Organised mum method - i dont stuck strictly to this, but it works when I remember

Remember, this is just a season of life. I even invite people in now when its a tip because I dont care! I have 3 kids and a full time job, and if you're gonna judge me, I don't want to be your friend!