To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

It sounds as if your DC are all in school. That means they are old enough to get involved with some of the chores, eg tidying up, checking bags and uniform, clearing up after dinner. These are not things you need to do in your only free time, they are things to do together while they are up. At the weekend, they can help with cleaning, they could at least hoover or wash the kitchen floor, depending on age. Don't run yourself ragged while they are sitting around bored and hyper, they need to be busy.
You can clean the bathroom while they are having a bath, and train them to make sure wet towels are hung up or put in the laundry.
Make sure you have enough uniform to last the whole week so you are not having to keep doing the laundry, or worry about who has got what clean. Do it on Friday straight after school, so it's dry ready to put away early on in the weekend.
Get on top with lists and rotas and a meal plan. Everyone needs to help with the meal plan, and then do a regular online shop, ordering far enough in advance to get a delivery slot that works for you - at a time when they will be home to help put it away.
If you work from home, be strict about your hours - if you are entitled to a lunch break, then take it. Use it for whatever best works for you: a walk/laundry/food prep, but take it. You could actually eat your lunch while working, then use your full hour for something else.
A fulltime job with DC is always going to be hard, and having a DP around who doesn't help is just another thing to make your load heavier. If finances allow, outsource what you can: cleaning, laundry and so on. If not, look at what you can drop - maybe only use one of the bathrooms, or simplify some meals ( beans on toast) , ironing ( your DC won't care if their school uniform is ironed or not, if they do, then they can do it themselves).

Cleaning the house while the kids are young is like shovelling snow while it's still snowing.
When it comes to mess, those that mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
Put them on posters for anyone who whinges at you. Seriously, not that long ago most mums didn't work outside the home, and those who did were "superwomen" who had glittering glass ceiling buster careers and did everything perfectly around the house. Or so the story goes. Just do what you can. Sit with your partner and list the priorities, and ignore the rest. Giving age-appropriate chores helps too, and if family who help with childcare offer, don't be too proud to give them a list too (I was never that lucky, but unlike others, I wouldn't refuse it).

There are so many good suggest here; I especially like the tokens-for-tv. You could extend that with the 6yo getting dressed on their own (probably best that you still select school clothes 😄) & other tasks that will give you a free moment or two.
The bed earlier / up earlier plan is excellent but it doesn’t have to be 5 mornings a week; just 2 or 3 will give you enough extra hours to be productive. Try reading a novel in bed, it’s more relaxing than tv & one of the Good Sleep Hygiene practices.
Oh yeah, and all those “can’t stand to live in a mess” Mums either lie (🙀) or pay a cleaner.

I think you're doing a terrific job. What a shame your DH is a deadbeat. Your routine sounds pretty normal to me - none of us realise how hard it is until we're in it (I have twins). It's easier with two parents, sharing bedtime or clearing up, for example.
I do think it gets easier though. Your boys will be able to do more to help once they're a bit older. You have some good tips here. Don't beat yourself up xx

Every week throw a bin bag of old stuff

Are you taking any breaks during the day while working? Because you are entitled to a lunch hour? For me it's insanely productive.

Kids are in and out of bed for an hour and not settling? I found mine got pretty ramped up after a bath not sleepy so straight to bed didn't work especially now it's bright in the evenings. We did maybe two very chilled BBC programmes like Sarah and Duck if that's still on. While they watch that and wind down a bit you can do something really boring like cleaning the bathroom, pairing socks, hoovering [especially if it disturbs a useless husband]. At bedtime then one story and bed, if they are ricocheting in and out they can either help or hop into bed with a picture book. A hoover might be useful white noise but ultimately if you are not sitting in front of the TV then they are not missing the party downstairs??

If your useless lump of a husband is actually in the house, then for now while he is around get up early and get out for a walk at 5 or 6am. You won't be able to leave them in the house early to get some exercise so you may as well get some benefit out of him right now.

If the house is full of toys then start to sort out those for very small children. Any nieces or nephews or small friends and we found that our kids would happily give them old toys "on loan". Charity shop, not so much.

But really, if your husband is not pulling his weight, make a list of chores for this Saturday and tell him he either gets the kids up and out from 8am until 5pm feeding them breakfast and lunch or chooses 50% of the list and cracks on. The kids can help and between you all the house [unless massive] should be fairly clean by 1pm. You can all do something nice then.

I only have one DS (7) but we both work full time (I work from home most days, but also from office sometimes).
It's mostly me tidying up and cleaning, but what works for us:

• there is a cleaner coming every other week to do bathrooms, floors and dust surfaces - this gives a bit of super basic maintenance
• we have a hoover robot that cleans the floors downstairs every night
• overtime we worked out that splitting tasks with DH didn't work well, as he's better or more committed to some than others. So now he's in charge of 1-2 things he does well and those tasks are the things he does every day and part of his 'house chores routine'.
• I tidy as I go and encourage DS to do the same.
• I enforce very few simple rules: eating and drinking only at the table, no food upstairs, the only place for dirty laundry is the basket.
• Food shopping is almost entirely online, saving me a good few hours weekly.
• My routine when I work from home is:

Can the children help a little? Put things away?
I'm sure they are not overfilled with sugar and fake foods so not chemically disrupted.
One action to clear an item - you wash a plate, you dry the plate you put it away. Done.
No.piles of laundry. One day a week clean the bathroom takes a half hour if that.
One maybe two days a week vacuum - 15 minutes
Damp dusting - one day a week - half an hour.
A wee routine helps me - good luck

I've only just managed to get our two boys (3 and 5) sleeping in their shared bedroom on their own and actually going to sleep on their own so we're only a few weeks into dealing with the reappearance theatrics, but what's currently working for me is allowing them to come out twice for whatever nonsense reason they can come up with, but after the second time I say they must stay in bed now or there is no tele time tomorrow. You can decide what they value enough (and what you can live without if they do reappear again!) and swap that in. Perhaps not the best parenting in the world, but it's effective so far and it cuts the faffing time down to 10 minutes rather than an hour!

On the house, can you set aside some time for a reset clean? I struggle to find the time for cleaning too but when it gets bad I spend the night cleaning - I do the things that have the best visual impact like clean the bathrooms, hoover all the carpets and wipe down the kitchen cabinets, door handles and any other bits the kids get their sticky mits on and then I feel much better! You'll have to forgo one night of wine and TV, but it'll be worth it, and then I try and stay on top of it all for as long as poss (usually works great until my OH is alone with the kids for one dinner/bedtime and then its a disaster zone again)..

Your H sounds like a knob. He should be doing the cleaning whilst you do bedtime, not lying on the sofa. This is what my OH does whilst I do bedtime (I'm also the preferred parent) - he washes up the dinner stuff and wipes the kitchen surfaces down. Takes the bins out of they're full. I'd love it if he did other cleaning jobs too but I take the win!

Do you have children @Whynottryagain

I do laundry in the week - whites on a Friday so can include all school shirts.
And I clean the house every Saturday.
It's still a mess!

The only people I know with both children and tidy houses either:

1. Have a sahp
2. Have a cleaner
3. Are extreme minimalists
4. Are really talented at hiding everything behind the sofa before guests come over and it's all an illusion
5. Have extremely helpful DH and kids who also pitch in.

Try getting up 20 mins earlier and sort one room (alternate bathroom and living), and go to bed 20 mins later and do another (kitchen everyday).
Bedroons and laundry on weekends.
Open windows as much as you can
Keep wipes at hand in bathroom and elsewhere to give surfaces a quick clean as you go.
Get nice looking storage boxes to keep stuff in. I have ones like these: www.dunelm.com/product/zig-zag-storage-trunk-1000288176?defaultSkuId=31033618

I don’t think it’s humanly possible for you to do more. 9:30 to 10:30 pm is a well deserved break so don’t feel guilty about it. Get a weekly cleaner if possible. Otherwise one day of the weekend for a few hours involve everyone to clean.

bareky did anything during the week

Friday evening - oven timer on and clean the house hard and fast. All hands or there would be no lifts to clubs or friends that weekend

smaller newer house does help though

I’m sorry I’ve not read the whole thread, but can you palm the kids off for a weekend with grandparents or friends and have a full on 2 x 8 hour blitz of the house one weekend. Do a tip run, charity shop drop, de clutter and deep clean. You get so much more done if on your own and put your mind to it.

I work full time too and have two primary school children. I have a long commute and my full on job is never contained in my paid hours. So I know how it feels to be time poor. I'm not sure I'm the best person to give advice, as I'm constantly feeling overwhelmed! But here's what I do.

Batch cook on a Sunday night. Game changer for me. I have four or so meals that the kids reliably eat that don't take too long to cook. On Sunday, I cook enough for 3 or 4 days. We also have pizza once a week. Other meals are pasta and cheese with a couple of sausages and some salad veg. Lentil or pea protein pasta sometimes with cheese. Easy and healthy.

Decluttering. I have to do this as my house is very small. Over the next few weekends, be ruthless. Your kids can join in. Tell them that if they fill a couple of bags to take to the charity shop, they can choose one thing to buy from there. Pick your battles though. I've given up trying to convince my 5 year old to give away some soft toys.

Only ever do two laundry loads at once. I find it much less stressful to do two at once then one several times. Get the kids to help put clothes away.

Lower your standards. It doesn't matter if your house is a state. During the week we do the bare minimum eg washing up. Cleaning the bathroom etc can wait until the weekend.

Don't feel guilty about screen time. Have you got a garden? Can thru amuse themselves for a couple of hours in the garden at the weekend whilst you blitz the house?

I'm so sorry to hear about your useless husband. Good luck with the future.

If you can afford it:

• cleaner 4 to 5 hours a week, ideally one who also does laundry and ironing
• robot Hoover
• thermo mix

Im in the same boat, but replace TV with a book.

I do make a point of doing a poo in each of our 3 toilets in rotation, so I can wipe bathroom surfaces down with a bit of Zoflora spray from the throne. <sloven emoji>

I’d suggest:

• Get up 30 minutes earlier. I know sleep is precious but you can get a load of washing hung and one room cleaned/tidied easily.
• Robot hoover for both upstairs and downstairs if you can. This has been life changing as you can set it to run whilst you do other things.
• Clean the bathroom during bathtime. The toilet, sink, floor and change towels can all be done whilst the kids bath. When they get out spray and quickly wipe down the bath whilst they get dressed.
• Quicker dinners - something that takes ten minutes to prep and minimal mess.
• Shorter bed time for the kids. Crack down on the leaving their rooms they sound old enough to not be doing this. Even if they read quietly or listen to an audio book. This will give you a whole hour a day to be on top of things

Added to which the Op herself adds loads of information about her husband!!

I highly recommend a robot hoover/mop. Ours hoover and mops every day at 6.30am. It does mean we have to keep the floors clear, but because the floors are hovered and mopped daily, surface dust is reduced.

I never know why these threads always take a turn. Why are people asking about your husband or personal circumstances when you’ve asked for tips for cleaning? Baffling, it’s no one’s business.

Rubbish.

The OP is asking if she's unreasonable to think the daily routine is impossible.

This is clearly why people are asking whether she lives with another able bodied adult.

Some people need more sleep than others to function. Lack of sleep can cause many health issues and even shorten life span. If you function well on 6 hours sleep then brilliant, but that doesn’t mean everyone does.
The OP has explained the situation with her husband.

Maybe if the Op hadn’t thrown in that her husband is useless, and how much he annoys her and how she can’t get a cleaner because she wants to divorce him…. Posters wouldn’t have referred to him.

Has that occurred to you @HeyHowdyHey

I never know why these threads always take a turn. Why are people asking about your husband or personal circumstances when you’ve asked for tips for cleaning? Baffling, it’s no one’s business.

anyway, I get what you mean about having to run the boys however even at primary age they can be involved in keeping the house and given age appropriate chores. Google chores for their ages and give them each a job or two to complete each weekend morning before you go out.

for yourself it sounds like you work so hard and are an awesome mum and I know evenings can be time to just collapse and rest but doing a couple of cleaning jobs is a gift to yourself the next day. I would set a room per day and spend 20 mins in that room once the boys are in bed. Repeat each week and you’ll be on top of things in no time.

you’re doing really great. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.