To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

Addinf a couple of things that have helped me
Less stuff on show = less clutter, less to tidy, less to attract dust. Clearer surfaces are easier to clean.
A robot mop/hoover. Yes it’s an outlay but it does the majority of the work for you. It can go on when ppl are asleep or when out at work.

It is unrelentingly hard with kids at that age. So glad mine are older.
In terms of practical solutions,

1. if you can possibly afford a cleaner even once a fortnight it’s a big help.
2. If possible to get hubs to pull weight, do. Try - please bring in the laundry while I cook the tea. Please do the online shop while I do kids bath etc. So he has to do. while you do Y.
3. Becreally strict with your kids that you don’t expect to see them again once light is out (and do that quickly.) That’s how we were all brought up and it worked.

Whatever state it's in you could sort it in a few dedicated hours on a Saturday, try not to feel overwhelmed or down about it. Everyone's place gets like it. Have a cleaning Saturday with all hands on deck, the kids can tidy up their tours or whatever is age appropriate. My house isn't spotless and can always do with a clean but it stays relatively tidy after a clean for a while if I put things away at the end of the day and wipe down surfaces however half arsedly randomly throughout the week. I often wipe down the bathroom with my flannel after washing my face while I'm brushing my teeth, weird maybe but otherwise it'll get dusty if I'm waiting for the next time I properly clean 🤷🏻‍♀️

Weekly cleaner is the answer if you can afford.

Op, just wanted to say I saw your previous post in response to another posters morning routine where you say you aren’t a good mum. Reread this post back to make sure you realise that , yes, you are. You have emotionally intelligent young boys who aren’t afraid to be affectionate with their mum or to do things for her without her having to nag. They love you, that’s clear to see from what you write. That’s so important. Over time and the years you will get to grips with routine, things will change, your marital status, home maybe , job etc, the kids will grow, but the relationship you build and develop from such a young age is so vital, and helps them become the people they will when older. They won’t remember the messy bathroom or the chaotic mornings sometimes, but they will remember how safe they felt with you, the grounding space you gave to them and comfort that wasn’t transactional or non existent, but always there no matter what. That’s the most important thing, and something you should really be proud of during what sounds like a really stressful time in your marriage.

That’s what’s at the core of the issue, you are doing everything with zero help. Once he’s gone, you might find you actually do have more time to sort your house and routine what with him having the kids on certain days freeing you up. Or, if that’s not likely to happen, then atleast with him gone that’s one less manchild to look after who is creating mess.

It wont be like this forever , in the meantime take small steps to move forward and make life easier for you all, and be content in the fact you have children who clearly love you and see you as home.

sending love xxx

All children are different. Some children sleep more, others don't. You also have a useless husband who doesn't play his part and the children see him doing nothing. They probably want some attention from him.

I found with high energy children a local park to run around, scooter, etc after tea, then home bath, read bed. Set a routine.

Don't do any cooking or cleaning or washing for husband. Just do yours and children only. Hes not your responsibility. It's be awful living with that lazy ass.

Set small amts of jobs to do each day a hour or half hour before children are up.

Tell your husband you have an appointment once a week and leave him to it. Make him parent a little. I assume he will have his sons occasionally when you split?

This is good advice /\

I would add, if you do have an awful partner to go through a divorce with please try anything not to get rundown and exhausted. Sleep enough, drink plenty of water, eat enough. Just try to look after yourself as much as possible and have some quality time with the kids.

If you are cleaning on the go I would try to get a vinegar spray so you aren't blasting too many chemicals around.

@ComeOnNowww what a lovely update.
Lavish praise on them for all small contributions they make.
It won't all change overnight but little steps (and beautiful thoughtfulness from your 6 year old) will be such a tonic for you.
And don't wait until you've done it all to get a cleaner. They will not care that rooms are dirty - I was once a cleaner, it's far more satisfying cleaning a dirty room than a clean one! They could blitz one room a visit while doing a light clean for the rest until the whole house is how you want it.

OP I feel you're pain and I think SO MANY of us can relate.

The hardest bit is getting started - whatever the task is I am only motivated by pressure, I've got to have a looming deadline, but also no one bothering me whilst Im attempting to do said task. For example, clearing out kids old clothes. If I know Im going to get interrupted I simply can't face it I am just physically unable to start.

HOWEVER if I get up at 6 and set a 15 minute timer it is literally transformative. The other day I actually ran out of things to do in my 15 mins as I've racked up so many endless tasks in the time I've been doing it. Just work through one small task at a time eg clear top drawer, clean shower etc.

Might be worth a try, you got this!!

Thats so lovely
maybe they’d enjoy starting jobs that add to their independence
such as matching socks
getting their own bags ready for school the night before
putting clean laundry away in the correct rooms / drawers
clearing the table after dinner
washing the car on a sunny day
little jobs that help you feel like you’re pulling together
l

Can you afford a cleaner? Sounds like there aren't enough hours in your day. Do you have a partner who could take the boys out on an afternoon or Saturday daytime to give you a chance to sort out the house without then under your feet and wear them out so they'll sleep? My Dad used to take me and my brother out at the weekends to give Mum a break.

@ComeOnNowww your sons are so cute 🥰 and they love you ❤️

Robot vacuum- save up your nectar points and swap for vouchers
Cleaner for a few hours a week (maybe pay for a full day for the first visit?)
Be efficient and effective: Fit little jobs in gaps such as waiting for the kettle to boil/whilst cooking/clean fridge when it’s nearly empty
Clean as you go (e.g. after showering wipe down shower)
Get everyone involved

Yes, I was agreeing with you!

The post I replied to suggested FaceTiming the DC in the bath while washing up downstairs. Rather different to doing bathroom cleaning in the same room (which I agree with can be a good use of time)

Obviously there's the daily jobs like the dishwasher but cycle through a new task each day until you get to your base line. Once you have a baseline it's easier to keep on top of once you have the habit. Turn toy tidy up into a game. I only devote 15 minutes to cleaning per day, consiously. I probably clean the loo and clear up clutter on autopilot now.

With that schedule, can you ruin a few days of precious leave to get the main stuff away and then employ a cleaner for a few hours a week.

Get the kids to do simple chores - dishwasher, sort their laundry, take turns to hoover the stairs and living room.

Yes don't leave them unattended in the bath but that's not to say you can't make use of the time.

We use bath time to either give the shower/sink a clean or I sit in the doorway of the bathroom sorting washing into piles for each person. Nothing that take too much attention so I can still keep a close eye on my daughter in the bath but still making use of the time. Then whilst she is getting dry and ready for bed I fold and put her washing away. It can take a while as she gets distracted so I do allow more time than usual but if you combine the usual time for bath - sort washing - getting changed and putting clothes away. I'm still manage to do it quicker alongside the bath/bedtime routine.

One thing at a time op. Routines work best when they are started small and added to gradually. Start with decluttering, move on to getting to a good edge with your cleaning and then you can build in a better routine when you're at a straight edge. Once that's feeling comfortable for you then you can add in more self care to the mix. Nothing needs to be perfect, it just needs to be good enough.

You don’t really have time to stay in bed as late as 7 am.

Mine are grown up now so tidy house again but I used to do little things as I went which helped. When they are in the bath give the sink and toilet a good scrub, the taps, bathroom floor. Clean the shower if it’s separate from bath. Then when you take them out and dry them give the bath a quick whizz. Every time I wash my hands I clean around the basin and taps, just little habits as I go. But honestly you’ll have years of keeping a clean house, give yourself a break for now while they are so young. You’re doing a great job of being what they need right now.

Stop looking at the whole picture.
It's so fucking intimidating.

Put your wine back in the fridge, it will keep for half an hour. Set a timer, do you have Alexa? You've got 30 minutes to do as much as you can in one room. Timer goes off and you get to relax with your wine.
If you get to the end of your 30 mins and all that's left of the bathroom is to wipe the sink down, do it. If not, do it tomorrow.

Then move onto the next room.

Eventually you'll find yourself in a place where it's maintenance rather than starting over.

But you need to break it down into smaller tasks so it doesn't seem insurmountable. Or you can get a cleaner in for a deep clean just to get you over the start line and then tackle it bit by bit.

Also: never do nothing while the kettle is boiling - that's prime time to tidy/clean something in the kitchen. In the time it takes for the washing machine to finish, fold something. While dinner is cooking, you can handle something else. All small actions that add up.

And there's no shame in using the bath water and a towel to mop the bathroom floor when the boys have finished thrashing it.

Do what you can, when you can. But avoiding it won't make it go away. Do something.

I agree getting up earlier means you can fit more in but I don’t think this is sustainable honestly. It would mean Op getting an hour less sleep which is never a good idea when you are parenting primary age hyper boys. Also one hour less in the evening to decompress which if she is going to bed between ten and eleven is the only relaxation time she has in the day.

Much better imho to try and fit more in to the hours you are active and protect sleep and relaxation.

An hour or so every Saturday morning with music on loud, when you all clean together. Boys can sort recycling, hoover, clean sinks, fold laundry. They can also strip beds and out washing on.

Then you all go out for a blast of exercise followed by a cafe “treat” or fast food lunch.

Wear them out Saturday morning and then you can do one or two important tasks, eg kitchen cleaning, in the afternoon while they watch a film.

Every evening during the week do half an hour of intense tidying in each room in preparation for Saturday clean.

Invest in a few tools like the Karcher surface cleaner and long handled scrubbers for shower. Allow products time to work.

During the week, while supervising the boys baths, clean one element of bathroom per day eg sink on Monday, loo on Tuesday, floor on Wednesday, bath on Thursday, loo again on Friday, surfaces and storage units on Saturday, wash towels Sunday.

One load of laundry per day. Fold and put away straight out of tumble drier. If you are behind, get a service wash to catch up.

One night a week, say a Thursday, skip the baths, and just let the boys have a quick shower or flannel wash and in the time saved, they each tidy their bedrooms before bed.

Make sure each room has a divided container for things which need to be sold or go to charity,

Sunday, get the boys chopping vegetables and make something like an enormous bolognese sauce and enough for following night and in the time saved on Monday night, focus on one cleaning task eg downstairs floors?

Every time you cook, do enough to put one portion in freezer

Flylady and TOMM are good systems and even if you don’t follow them exactly, you can cherry pick the elements that work for you.

And in addition to above, pay a baby-sitter to look after the boys for three hours one weekend morning or afternoon and use that time to organise your house and get back on track. Or swap with another mum friend. Or advertise for a fit active grandmother type on your street who can become a mother’s help.

Good luck op! Please don’t call yourself a bad parent or say you are failing. Every day your boys are washed, dressed in clean clothes, educated at school, eating reasonably good food, is a win! And all of those things plus earning a living is a massive, massive endless task! You are doing great! 💐

Sorry this post didn’t load fully - just saw you are trying to avoid spending which is understandable.
In that case I’d set a timer for 30mins and play some music or a podcast or something and see what can be done in that time. I try and make putting the washing away into a game with DS (as he’s so competitive 😆) so we see who can put their clothes away first which is a win win!