To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

I just need practical advice

Get thee to a lawyer.

Why is he not participating in the adult domestic work?

Most men don't. That's the reality.

Some great men do however. Few and far between.

What did feminism bring us?

Double work load really. Men didn't catch up sadly enough.

Solo motherhood is so much better with no man around. apart from a fling now and again

Single mum of 3 here who works full-time. Our home is very clean and tidy (mess and clutter make my head go funny), but my garden is an absolute DISGRACE. Weeds everywhere and the grass is out of control. I’d love to keep on top of my garden like I do my house!

I hear you. My husband pulls his weight but even half of the household tasks feels impossible sometimes

Oh god same here op, biggest problems, I (and dh and kids sometimes) spend so much time cleaning up mess, school books, books, notes, games, clothes, that cleaning gets done very rarely. The put things away not down shop sailed so long ago because with six of us there’s just so much stuff and I’m so tired as is dh.

Main bathroom not too bad but en-suite barely touched ever. Floors swept/ hoovered enough I suppose (maybe) but not mopped often enough. My teens’ room is HORRIFIC (although I’ve told them if that’s not sorted within the next few weeks the internet is going for a week!) I see people on mn talk about skirting boards and I sigh at what a state our house is.

Cleaner. Or get kids to help depending on age. Outsource your work 😁There isn't enough time in the day!

... and then tell the kids that if any toys are left on the floor at the end of the day "the hoover will eat them". We used to have one and this did work!

Recommend buying a robot hoover

Cleaner, honestly if you're working flat out all day and juggling kids then not everyone has the motivation to get up at 6 and clean or not have any downtime when knackered at the end of the day. Probably looking at £20 an hour so if you can find an extra £175 a month your problem is solved.

How odl are the kids?

I do tasks broken down. So anything with glass spray (mirrors/internal doors) one day, just all of them in 20 mins. Hoover upstairs one day. Sweep downstairs most days. Clean sink when I’ve been to the loo, and wipe the surfaces in the loo or bathroom. Stick bleach down loos before bed. Just something every day.

When you split, will he have some of the custody? I'm going through it too and really enjoying having a bit more time to myself.

Yes but you'll have one less child to clean up after, and possibly every other weekends free

I’m taking a 20K pay cut to go part time to get some semblance of balance in my life. I’m sick of being so busy at work and so busy at home. Something has to give. I’m thinking less about the money I’m losing and more about the time I’m gaining. I do have the option to increase my hours back up in the future but for the time being it’s a no brainer for me. I’m a single parent. Child’s father now lives overseas so no let up at all.

First let me say you're doing a terrific job. Everyone's house is a mess unless they have time when there are no kids around to clean up. And then within the day it will start getting messy. Even getting a cleaner is hard going, because you have to tidy first - but it does get you into good habits.

With that in mind, here are a couple of tips that work for me:

I allow the kids (3 and 6) one TV programme for free each day, and after that they have to earn 'tokens' by doing jobs. It mainly involves helping me in a not terrifically helpful way, but they are at least not making the house untidy at the same time as I'm tidying it. and maybe they'll get better as they get older. Jobs might be: helping me hang up or take the washing down from the line. sorting out which are their clothes from the clean clothes. On rare occasions they will put the clothes away.

Get them to do a tidying up race. Or do a 3 minute whizz around to pick up their own toys to music.

Also we have benefitted from reducing the number of toys they have access to, putting them on rotation and using the toy library rather than buying toys.

I'm thinking of hiring a professional declutterer to help us do some sorting, so that things have a proper place at least.

Looking forward to hearing other people's ideas.

Most primary age children don't need a bath daily. Can you reduce that to speed up the bedtime routine a bit?

Same. I never have anyone round and spend every Saturday cleaning. Joyless isn't it.

Apart from getting a cleaner….

Are you going to have any time off over the summer? Could you take some time to blitz the house then one weekend a month set aside for a proper clean and in between just do maintenance.

I can’t quite work out whether you’re a single parent or not??

No judgement from me as you clearly have a busy life (yes other people might get up earlier and be busier but you're hardly slacking). The things that jumps out at me is that you spend 3 hours every evening doing dinner, bath, bed. I know you say the 8-9 slot is putting kids back to bed but can you use that 3 hour period more efficiently? Clean the bathrooms whilst they are in the bath; let them have 8-8.30 as quiet time in their rooms when they don't have to be in bed but are out of your hair and you can get on with something productive?

And yes of course there's a big question about your DH's role and input but hard to comment further with the limited detail you've given.

We have a cleaner (who is a gem and also tidies). When we didn’t, it was exactly the same. I think you just have to make your peace with being in mess until circumstances change. I actually think messy houses are the majority. But obviously you are less likely to see them.

keep rooms aired and beds clean with fresh sheets
Dyson rechargeable vacuum to make light work
one all purpose spray that you can use in most rooms to do a quick wipe around
one room a day in the morning
reduce what you own, it’s not going on Vinted like you promised yourself, take it to charity