To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

Get him out as soon as you can. He either then has to take the kids giving you time for yourself, or pay maintenance which might free up funds for a cleaner.

Have you got any friends or family who could take the kids for a day while you deep clean the house. It’s easier to stay on top of things than catch up.

also have you got a wireless headset for work? Can you leave your desk for any meetings? Can you ever take a work call while doing something like putting the washing away?

and start teaching the kids to help now. Give them simple chores like pairing the socks or putting toys away. Make sure they are learning to wipe up after themselves and things like that.

Every time you find yourself reaching for your phone to do on mumsnet, face book, instagram etc… put it down @ComeOnNowww and do a house work job.

And think how nice it will be for your kids to grow up in a house that they’re happy to have their friends over because it’s not “disgusting”

Concentrate on throwing stuff away. Keep on top of clothes washing and bathrooms. No one dies from dust. (And I'm allergic to it)

From my experience I would say - get a robot vac, ours helps downstairs and can mop too. It was second hand off eBay, this one is called Narwal. We have been through a few ! 😆 this one is the best so far.

Only have what you need, I watched The Minimalists and got rid of loads of stuff (only have one small wardrobe for myself, no huge bookshelves of stuff etc). One load of washing on at bedtime, chuck it in the dryer in the morning.

It is very hard though and never the bit people mention when thinking of having a baby.

Most likely because OP is doing bloody everything herself and is doing the very very sensible thing of protecting just a bit of her peace, and sleep.

OP you are doing amazing. Id say the same as everyone, cleaner. If you can save a bit of money and get someone in every day for a week to clean, blitz the place. Then its in a good enough state for you to feel less overwhelmed and manage it yourself for quite a while.

You've got enough going on already, don't sacrifice your sleep or small window of downtime.

Be kind to yourself. You are doing your best with no time and no help.
Practical tip: Put some shower cleaning products (cif) in the shower and a scrub daddy sponge and clean it every other day whilst you have your shower .If its lime scaled ,cover it in a remover 1st whilst you brush your teeth .It takes 5 mins and as you are in the shower anyway it's super quick and easy. Start doing the same before you brush your teeth, make a cup of tea with the kitchen and bathroom sinks. At least then you have a clean shower and sinks.

Tidy up dinner as you cook - don’t leave kitchen till dishwasher loaded and doing its thing
Look to streamline bedtime routine - encourage more independence. Could you be willing bathroom/ toilet while they bath - will depend on children ages.
do 1 load of laundry overnight each day. Hang up early in morning and try to fold and put in sorted boxes (1 per person) for them to put away Saturday morning.
do 1 room focus per day - 30 mins blitz.
get up earlier before kids and use that time while you are refreshed and will be more productive.
finally - don’t have unrealistic expectations or anticipations of judgement from anyone. If the kitchen and bathroom are clean enough not to kill your you’ve done enough!

A lady I know whose house is always clean despite her and her husband having full on jobs just cleans one room per day. So they're always on constant rotation. She doesn't spend hours doing it either.......just 20 minutes / half an hour. The kitchens done daily obviously and the bathroom she cleans as she goes.

I was in awe.....not enough to take on the same routine myself but I was impressed !

As a side note, if you’re a single mum I’d have to say that 7am is a late start. I mean, I’ve got a fully functioning spouse and we get up at 6 to make the day work

I bet you do. It takes a lot of energy to be that superior! [JOKE] This did remind me of one of my DH work colleagues in NY who declared that 'this bagel is not working for me' -

I have a cleaner who comes for several hours a week and also does tidying, laundry etc.

I agree 7am seems like a very late start - luxury..!

Great thread OP! Does nobody sleep here?

Also, I don’t believe in pocket money for chores. We do fun stuff together as a family - we have to do the boring stuff together too.

If they don’t feel like tidying we play “toy or rubbish” and that gets them up real quick.

You aren't missing anything. We aren't meant to live like this. We are biologically wired to need down time.

You are not meant to be able to keep house like a SAHM while working full time. It's not your fault.

You need to get up earlier OP. I just did a bit of gardening now it is light enough! All gardens should have a wild area, it is good practice. I have a gardener an hour a week just to keep up with the lawn mowing.

Get a cleaner. Its worth the sacrifice, I’d rather never eat out again

If your children are well, it shouldn’t be taking an hour to return them back to their beds.

Once you feel they have had everything they need, bedtime should mean exactly that . This putting them repeatedly back to their beds has to be exhausting after a very busy day.

As for your H lying on the couch whilst you are dealing with it all, words simply fail me! Does he not realise he’s half of the parenting team? If you do decide to split, you wouldn’t have his lazy backside to fume about.

No judgement at all from me but in case helpful, I'd say (loosely) following 'The Organised Mum Method' is the only thing I've stuck to.

You clean one room/set of rooms per weekday for a max of half an hour per day, so

Monday - living room
Tuesday - bedrooms
Wednesday- hall, stairs, landing
Thursday- kitchen
Friday - rotate one off jobs such as cleaning oven (although I never do this!) or doing a specific de-clutter (or in my case I do conservatory)

My basic clean in the majority of the above areas is hoover floor, dust surfaces and clean inside of windows and any mirrors. It takes a max of 20 mins to do this in my living room...if that. If you have the will then do one extra thing on rotation on that day (e.g. on living room day hoover a hidden bit of the room such as under sofa cushions or go through a pile of clutter for another 5 mins).

You also do one item in your bathroom per day. So you could wipe down toilet while your boys are in the bath, for example.

Idea is you only do this in the week and have weekends free...but in your case if that doesn't quite work you could obviously mix it up a bit...e.g. clean your bathroom in one go on a Sunday instead or whatever.

I know I'm adding in half an hour to your day that you don't have...all I can say is it is what works best for me...you'll always have one room that feels clean and it feels more manageable somehow. I don't think you should cut into your 1 hour time before bed if at all possible, though.

PS don’t be so hard on yourself. Your house sounds cleaner than many families honestly! Certainly not “disgusting”.

1. Get a cleaner or reduce your hours at work if either are financially viable
2. Let your standards drop a bit - as long as it’s not a hoarded house and rubbish is taken out regularly, dishes washed, a vacuum every now and then, don’t worry about dusting!
3. Get the children involved in tidying up and cleaning - every little helps. Kids this age can learn to manage their own laundry etc if taught patiently. Announce a 5 minute pick up for everyone whenever you think of it (idea from Dana K White A slob comes clean she is so great).
4. Skip bathtime every other day or so unless they are very smelly after PE or a super hot day.
5. Star charts etc. for going to bed and staying there! But some of the being up and down might be them sensing the marital tension and they may need more reassurance at bedtime than usual unfortunately.
6. Do not give up your hour of downtime (I wouldn’t get up any earlier either, up at 7 and juggling full time work, childcare and household work while under marital stress is not exactly lazy let’s face it! But some people are morning people or need less hours of sleep so if you can make it work for you by all means do. I am not one of those people!
7. Look at the Sweepy app - it allows you to do short tasks when you’re tired or don’t have much time or spend a bit longer when you have the chance and keep track of where your priorities are for cleaning.
8. Agree with tiring the kids out at the park or similar physical activity after school if possible and definitely at the weekend.
9. Get rid of husband if he really adds nothing of value at all and doesn’t care that you are run ragged.

Exact same here. I actually feel like I need to take a few days off work whilst the dc are at school/childcare to sort it. The weekends are gone in a flash and unless I spend the whole weekend at housework and organising for the week ahead it doesn't get done. This is obviously unfair on the dc so only really happens if it rains. People say to get a cleaner but they can only do the bits I can keep on top of. It's clothes & clutter is the issue. I'm not going to keep the dishwasher /washing machine loaded/bathroom unclean until a cleaner comes because there would be a massive build up.

OP you are doing well and you're in a tough spot.

My tips would be:

1. Clean the bathroom while the kids are in the bath
2. Try to foster some independence. Start with one thing and work on that for a month. I suggest getting dressed. Put on some music (that they like and that is upbeat) and see if they can get dressed before the end of one song.
3. You do need to rest in the evenings. But can you take 10 minutes away from that hour on the couch each night. Anything is better than nothing.
4. On the weekend go out with the kids to the park as much as possible. Try to wear them out.

Please don't think you're a bad mum. From your posts, it's really clear that you love your kids and prioritise them.

Perhaps a solution is to focus on getting them a bit more independent. A reward chart for dressing themselves, going to bed nicely, and other little bits might work?

And if it's any consolation, I'm a SAHM of 1 (20 months) and I feel like our flat is a state too. Kids are little crumb and debris machines. Doesn't help that I hate cleaning.

The kids might be willing to go to bed earlier if you successfully got them up earlier, but honestly it sounds like your routine is working for you all except for the incessant backing and forthing in the evening.

It sounds like they want your attention--and that's normal and OK for kids. What if instead of trying to get them into bed early, you spent time with them cleaning something? "Tonight, we're going to make the shower nice, Timmy, you're little so you can do the bottom, Jeff, you're middle sized so you do the middle, and I'll do the top. Here, let me show you how to do it. Oh thank you, it's so nice to have a clean shower, and look what we achieved! It takes all of us to keep our house nice". This meets their need to be with you, and helps you get some of the work done.

For the moment, start small.
Take 15 minutes out of your hour of free time (or get up 15 mins earlier) and use that time to do a small job.
Bleach all the loos and wipe down sinks or pick one location like the hall for example and tidy the shoes, hang coats, dust, Hoover & mop if time allows.
Write a list of all the jobs you want done and really break it down into small jobs.
If you complete one little job a day, like cleaning one press, or wiping down some shelves, whatever it is, soon you will be on top of things.
You are at a busy stage of life working full time & with 2 little boys, don’t beat yourself up.

Also sending hugs for the layabout husband. Must be a horrible living situation atm. Hugs 🫂