To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

Pay for a one off deep clean top to bottom and start afresh.
Get rid if lazy dh now
Hopefully he takes dc 50/50 so you have more time

I would spend the money on a cleaner, sorry. I don’t think you have time to divorce yet.

With any luck you might then have the headspace to do a bit more with the children’s routine, sounds like hell. We never got to music practice before breakfast either. Solidarity.

Having a super hyper child is hard work at bedtime. I felt so broken by it that I brought it up with his doctor and he prescribed melatonin for him. It has been so positive for all of us.

My evenings were pretty much the same as yours, although DS wasn’t asleep until 9.30pm. The lack of sleep made him more and more hyper and unsettled.

Now we do:

Dinner 6pm - 6.30pm
Melatonin at 6.30pm. We no longer do baths: quick shower, teeth and PJ’s finished by 7pm
7pm: into bed for book and snuggle. He’s asleep half 7 latest.

For me it isn’t just having an extra 5-7 hours a week to get stuff done, it’s also that I am not totally exhausted, mentally rinsed and ground down by 9pm, and DS is much easier now he goes to bed at a regular hour.

Msybe chatting to your doctor about it could help? Even if you do a two week course for them to get into a better cycle.

I also struggle to fall asleep and now also take melatonin (I swear I’m not selling the stuff!). It also helps knowing if I take it at 9pm I’ll be asleep by ten. I still get most of that hour to myself on the couch to chill, and just get into bed for the last ten mins.,

There will be great tips here but when you are so ground down it’s hard to get any changes started. You are going through a lot and managing brilliantly - don’t beat yourself up. I’ve realised that ‘good enough is ok by me’ in the housework department is key to happy parenting for me.

I have a cleaner who comes every week. This means I don't have to worry about kitchen and bathrooms, just have to keep on top of laundry, cooking and dishes. I also wfh 3 days a week and do laundry in my lunch break.

You need a cleaner

OP, I have come to the conclusion that you can't keep a.clean house alone. Clean houses have 2 collaborating adults in them.

My DH is very very messy and I cannot.keep up.with the mess he creates as well as that of DC and myself. I spend my life tidying and cleaning and still the house is awful.

I have no tips but I am retired now and kids long left home and married/living outside UK. My house is quiet, clean and tidy.
I’d give anything to go back to the messy chaotic house and noisy children times. Sod the house, you will have plenty of time for cleaning when the children are grown up and left. Make the most of every moment you have with them, and get rid of your lazy husband.

Could you afford a one off deep clean to bring the house up to scratch? I know that won’t help your weekly routine, but it will give you a starting point.

clean bathrooms while the kids are in the bath.
At weekends, if you take the children out in the morning to burn off some energy, would they then watch a movie in the afternoon while you do a run round with duster and hoover.?
Are you doing anything for your manchild husband - laundry etc? I’d stop. Or say to him - if you are not contributing to the household, I’m doing zero for you.
Clean kitchen as you go along in the evening. Prioritise quick and easy meals. Try and carve 15 minutes (slightly shorter bath time, dinner time etc.) set a 15 minutes timer and choose one job that you can get done in that time.
sort out uniforms for the week on a Sunday so you are not having to check/sort it during the week.
The hour putting them back to bed is eating up a lot of your evening, maybe start a thread for tips on managing that. Would they stay in their room for half an hour reading time before lights out. No glasses of water, extra cuddles etc. if they get up.

once you put them in bed, can you go out of the house for 15 minutes after bedtime routine so their dad has to deal with them getting up. Even a 15 minute walk around the block. That might not help with the chores, but it might be good for you to decompress.

Start encouraging your children to help and give them age appropriate chores. Make it a bit fun - a five minute race to tidy up all the toys in their room etc. Helping you clear the table. Emptying washing machine into basket. Little things that while they won’t be a massive help, starts teaching them about contributing to the household (so they don’t turn out like their dad, particularly given that he sounds like a useless role model in that regard).

it will get better. One day your children will be less exhausting, I promise!

We get up at 5.30 (we both start work earlier than average) to make sure the dogs walked and stuff is sorted before DD gets up.

If we got up 2 hours before we had to be somewhere, half the jobs wouldn't be done. Also, DD is 4 and pretty hyperactive but we just put her to work. Tidy the toys up while I vacuum (or they're getting vacuumed!!), make your bed, dust down these parts of the room before I get there with said vacuum, etc.

The other thing is that we split stuff, which I see isn't an option for you. But, you might find when your H isn't living with you, things are easier. Less washing, less pots, one less person to make mess....

I think a lot of time is being wasted in the evening. You can probably get it down to 20 minutes to cook (don’t over complicate things), 15 minutes to eat and then 10 minutes max to clean up which should be done straight away and everyone mucks in. Even a reception age child can put crockery in a dishwasher and a slightly older one can wipe down the table leaving you free to the hob/surfaces and voila clean kitchen. You could clean the bathroom whilst the kids are in the bath- do the shower and the loo whilst supervising. And sort out that bedtime routine, if they don’t go straight to sleep then fine but it should be quiet play/reading in their rooms so you can sort the laundry or whatever needs doing. Get a robot vacuum if you can afford it to stay on top of things.

I work long shifts in the middle of the week and so I spent 3 hours cleaning on my non-work days so the weekend is free and the house is like a showhome. And even then there are still jobs to do. And that excludes basic stuff like daily laundry and cleaning the kitchen to a basic hygienic standard.

At least one morning of the weekend is usually spent decluttering, garden work, tip run or charity shop drop off.

I'm telling you this so you have a realistic picture of how long it takes to have an immaculate home- it's not feasible you can have that with a half hour clean here and there, so be kind to yourself about what will work for your life and what is achievable.

My suggestion is to make a list showing two things: things that must happen and how long they will take. So resting, that is non-negotiable. Plan it in. Then clip off your smaller jobs. Toilets for example. Give each a good clean, just the toilets, and then use the toilet brush after every use so it doesn't get really dirty again. That buys you time if you realistically won't clean them properly for a month. Buy liquid handsome and pop a squirt in and brush to freshen it up.

It's always easier to clean something that isn't dirty (toilets for example, are easier when you aren't breaking through layers of dust, showers without mould etc) so pick a big job and focus on making it clean and keeping it clean. ASTONISH anti mould in the shower is great.

Make use of Netflix with headphones and sitcom re-runs.

Don't underestimate the time to clean, especially if your house is dirty. Your list is not going to say "Bathroom- 20 minutes", it's going to say "Shower- 20 mins. Sink - 5 minutes, Toilet- 5 minutes, Bath- 5 minutes, Floor- 15 mins (to hoover and mop), Doors and tiles, 10 minutes, Skirting- 5 minutes"

And add more time if you have bathroom shelves or multiple products that aren't packed away in in units because they get slimy and dusty.

Use all of a product before starting another so you dont have 15 different bottles to move around, that inevitable have collected slimy water and spill on your floor and create a new job.

When you have 5 minutes, pick a 5 minute job.

Get the kids involved in good habits. Our phrase is "don't put it down, put it away." The amount of times my 9yo hears it, the message is slowly sinking in 😆 It used to be followed with threats of "if that's not in the right place when I come up and check, it's going in the bin" but now she finishes the sentence 😆

In addition to my wholly unhelpful post - I think ruthless decluttering is the only way! Less stuff = less stuff to put away. If you can get to a point where you're not simply fire fighting, then you implement a system (ie. 6.30-7am: 10 mins - sweep of house/ rubbish collection - 5 min bathroom clean. 3 mins put a wash on. 3 mins stack dishwasher. 5min wipe kitchen surfaces/ mop. 4 mins make beds)

Some people find timers work?

My house is so grim I never get to a point of being able to implement a system I should add! It's very depressing.

I know they're only little but they can help you. What are they doing while you are making dinner? Are there some chores they can do for you to help you out? Even if it's just tidying rather than cleaning. I hope you can get rid of the dead weight soon.

While DC are in the bath, clean the bathroom. Not all in one night. Monday polish taps and mirrors. Tuesday wipe surfaces. Wednesday chuck out empty/crusty old bottles and toothpaste etc. Thursday swap towels and bath mats etc. Give the loo a quick swipe with a brush every day. Give DC those net massage scrubs and get them to scrub the sids of the bath as you let the water out, so there's no scum line on the bath.

First thing in the morning on wfh days, put on a washload on a quick cycle. When you get back from dropping DC, hang it to dry.

Get a robot hoover.

Saturday mornings - 1 hour house clean - everyone helps Make it fun. Loud music. Treat at the end. Get DC to yank pillowcases off their pillows or dust or mop the floor by zooming around with clean old teatowels under their feet, spritzed with al purpose cleaner.

Do things for 5 minutes. It's incredible how muchyou can do in 5 mins. Set a timer. DC put all toys in baskets, books on the shelf, dirty clothes in the wash. You hang up coats, bags, pair shoes, chuck out junk mail, empty packed lunch boxes etc. You will be amazed how much better it looks.

The key is not to think of doing it all. That's overwhelm. Get into the habit of 5 mins in kitchen while they burble about their day; 5 mins in bathroom while supervising bath or teeth, 5 mins before bed when you all tidy up to a favourite song etc.

Ah OP I’m so sorry. This is what I would do:

• sell a load of stuff on Vinted and pay for a deep clean. Here’s its £200 odd for a 10 hour clean- get it pristine to start with
• take 30 mins a day (6-6:30 if needed) to put a wash on, clean down the sides, run a hoover etc
• invest in a robotic hoover with mop for downstairs- coming home to clean and mopped floors daily is amazing and on Amazon prime they’re maybe £100-120?
• On the weekend tell the kids you need 2 hours at some point to do jobs. They can join in or entertain themselves
• i keep a pot of the pink stuff and a scrub daddy in the shower and while I condition my hair I will sometimes give the shower a good scrub down and rinse.
• Get in the habit or returning things to their place CONSTANTLY. Not sure if that’s healthy tbh but every time I leave a room I’m putting stuff back, when clutter builds up I immediately sort it. Kids tidy up their toys/books before watching TV.
• Get a new partner who isn’t a useless waste of space

Im an early riser . I do it so I can have some peace before everyone else gets up . Can you wake up 30 minutes earlier to have a tea/ coffee and recharge, then put a playlist on low and clean/tidy as many areas downstairs while a song is playing and then move to a different room/area when another song comes on. Get at least 1 robot vacuum for downstairs. Its not perfect but should keep thing bearable until you can get on top of it

My house is disgusting. I have an 7 yr old profoundly autistic child & a 1 year old, both of whom are up throughout the night - so I can't drag myself out of bed before they get up at 6. Eldest is at school, but I just can't get anything meaningful done while 1 year old is crawling round my feet. I work part time, adhoc hours when he naps. I know there must be pockets of time in the day I am missing (doom scrolling) but it feels impossible. My DH's family also
love to call round unexpectedly. Eurgh, you have my solidarity if nothing else.

OP my house is not visitor ready anytime except when I know there will be visitors!

Take it easy on yourself. Don’t sleep less and don’t lose your downtime.

Also don’t compare to others. People
posting here might not even be real people…

Do what you need to do to get through and I think you’re a great Mum as your focus is your kids and not a show home. Children don’t need a show home to be happy.

I feel you op. I have a cleaner once every 2 weeks and my house is still a shithole.

Definitely don’t give up your wind down time before bed.

I’m gradually trying to declutter the house as we have stuff everywhere. I figure that will make it easier to manage. Be ruthless and chuck stuff.

If you’ve got a job where you’re in meetings all day, sounds like you’re senior management?

if so, can you not afford a cleaner?

Other than that, you put the DCs in a Saturday club somewhere for a couple of hours or pack off to relatives and then blitz yourself.

Single parent here, best thing i did was hire a cleaner who also tidies. She would tell me that this bit/that bit doesn't look good so can she clear it. I was at my laptop all the time so i was oblivious to how things actually could look. She comes weekly and does about 5hrs for a 3 bed, 3 bathroom home. Currently working through the kitchen cupboard mess. Maybe you could do this for a bit then maintain it?

I'd say you're waking too late. I wake at 5/6 have a quiet coffee and then always clear the dishwasher. Put the washing out (it runs on the cheap night time electricity) and do any mum admin, maybe do weekly online shop and I might clean one downstairs room so by 7 the housework is done. At the weekend the proper cleaning happens

The biggest ease to cleaning imo is to be clutter free . If you don’t have the right storage and everything is strewn everywhere you can’t get to the floor or any surfaces to clean it . Somehow you need to get your kids to tidy away after themselves . If they have lots of energy let them use it by helping you out , put music on to put toys away , strip the beds . They are 5/6 so old enough to help . As for your lard arse partner the sooner he’s gone the better , at least that’s one bit of clutter gone . The other thing I’d say is don’t aim for perfection , just one task a day and the boys doing their bit will help .

You are doing a great job OP. Hats off to you. Being a single parent is unbelievably hard. I second the calls for a cleaner and it a robot vacuum. Honestly the second best thing I ever bought (after the house).

The only additional bit of advice that is to repeat the mantra “don’t put it down, put it away” in your head to try to enough tidying as you go. Also if you see a job that’ll take under 5 mins, just do it there and then.

Though even with the cleaner, the robot and me doing my best, my house is far from clean and tidy! One day, I’ll have a clean and tidy house, one day…!

Forget bagging up and taking to charity
you won’t take the bags to charity, they’ll sit there

leave outside your house the good stuff with a “free to collector” and the rest…. Bin. It’s brutal but it’ll hopefully be the last time you ever never to do this