To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

I have pretty much the same routine... The only thing I can say - just dont let things slip - wash dishes straight away; put things away in their place, this sort of thing. In terms of cleaning - maybe do one room a day, its easier - for example, hoover one room today, another tomorrow. Like do one task a day.

Dont put too much pressure on yourself. A bit of dust never killed anyone. And - get a weekly cleaner! They are not that expensive, ask around where you live.

Firstly, you are doing amazing, it must be very difficult living with a fully checked out person.

i don’t work full time so cant help on the habits front… a few things that i do to save time, that you might find useful. I typically get up at 6:45 and I sort dishwasher / kitchen and hang out any washing. I clean the bathroom when my LO is in the bath. I batch cook so I can feel like I have evenings off from cooking (clean up is easier too)

Get a cleaner.

There isn’t time for everything. Kitchens and bathrooms are a must, everything else can wait. Can you afford to hire a cleaner for these rooms?
If you have a deep clean in the kitchen and bathroom you’ll just have to keep on top of it, it’s money well spent.

Your STBXH, why does he get a pass on parenting? Could you get him to have them one day (at least) over the weekend?

How old are the kids - 5 and 7 is different to 9 and 11. I’d try to give them little jobs or make them a bit more independent in the mornings and evenings so you can maybe do some smaller jobs around them.

Can you clean bathroom whilst they’re in the bath one night a week?

Generally try to break everything down into 5/10/15 minute jobs rather than whole house clean.

Can you take a day’s leave to give everything a really good once over and then try to break down a mini maintenance schedule that you and kids can keep on top of in small jobs?

And maybe just have 1 day a week (maybe a Monday before you get too knackered) which you accept is a jobs day and stay up late / get up early. So you still get downtime and enough sleep most days but have 1 re-set day.

You're doing very well OP.

I work part time, DH works flexibly from home, we have a cleaner for 3 hours every 2 weeks and a mothers help 1-2 nights a week. Our house is honestly still a tip and I spend a lot of time tidying it, doing laundry, dishes etc.

I have accepted that for us it is part and parcel of family life. I try to help the kids learn some household skills whilst still having a relaxed childhood. I try to embrace the chaos whilst still having a 'tidy enough' house to relax.

Hold onto your previous evening hour. It is very, very important. Good luck getting rid of the H. Knob head.

You’re waiting loads of time. If you want a clean house you need to actually prioritise it. Wake up 15 mins earlier and put things away/ fold a wash/ air out the house while having a coffee.
3 hours of dinner bath and bed is ridiculous. You can clean the bathroom while they’re in the bath, wipe down the sink, shower toilet while then play. Give the floor a quick hoover and mop.
The 8-9 window can be tidying downstairs, make sure the kitchen is clean after dinner. If the kids wake tell them to bed back to bed, at primary age this shouldn’t be your main activity during this entire hour you can do other things and then you still have the same amount of tv time.

You need to get up earlier and not drink wine in the evening. The not drinking wine will help with the getting up earlier.

What do you do at the weekends? It's an unfortunate reality that if you work during the weekend, part of your weekend will be sacrificed to chores.

It's not easy OP. I have 3 boys too, I'm on maternity leave at the moment and I've moved house recently. I'm drowning in laundry. I'm constantly playing catch up with basic tidying. I have no idea how I'll manage when I go back to work. I put bleach down the toilet and clean the toilet and sink every couple of days at a push. At night I do a basic clean of the bathroom and put the dishwasher on. After a full day I'm done in! No judgement here.

You can keep the house clean through a routine but it sounds like you need to get it all clean first. Thats going to take some time.
Instead of thinking that you have to do the whole house, think of getting everything clean in a month. By this time next month, things will be cleaner.
Get up 20 mins earlier and use that to empty the dishwasher and do a small job.
Every evening, throw 5 things into a rubbish bag and 5 things into a charity bag.
Every evening, clean the kitchen, dishwasher on.

small jobs

• bin everything not needed from bathroom,

weekend jobs - do a room clear out, clean it.
take the bag to the charity, take the rubbish bag to the dump if it doesn’t fit into your bin.
still carry on with your small jobs.

once all that is done, it’ll be much easier to keep the house clean. Do a small job daily and “team clean up hour” everyone joins in on Friday night/Saturday morning to help clean their rooms, bathrooms, stairs, hallway, hoover, laundry.
Relaxed for the weekend.

Firstly you are already doing fantastically well for someone with a job, small children, and a useless husband.

Secondly, you need to a timer and to enlist your kids. My 5 year old is always mysteriously tired or needs a poo when he's asked to tidy.... unless I use a visual timer and challenge him to pick up his toys before it goes off (also works for getting ready for bed etc.). Then run around doing a quick dust or whatever for your own challenge.

I can relate, OP. Been single with 3 kids for 18 years. I keep sane by recognising sometimes the priority is me - the glass of wine and an hour watching soaps is necessary. I do what I can in short bursts - I can sort the kitchen whilst the sausages are in the air fryer, for example. This keeps things acceptable but never show home. I made my peace with that.

Have you tried magnesium for sleeping? Half an hour before bed. Works like a charm.

youre not missing anyone

as a single parents its hard, but at least you don't have to clear up a lazy do mess I guess

employ a cleaner, to come in and deep clean one room at a time. Try to spend the night before de cluttering and tidying that one room

once all the rooms have been done then have a weekly clean - its seriously worth forgoing something else for the help

Also, for me, routine is key.
Dishwasher on before bed.
Empty the dishwasher as soon as I get up.
Laundry on timer overnight to hang out after breakfast. Etc. Etc. Every. Single. Day. It's dull, but means I never get too far behind.

Swap bathtime for shower time. Depending on age of DC, this is much quicker and you can do a bit of cleaning/tidying while they are in there.

My DC are secondary age and I get up ay 5.50am to get a head start on the day. I'd be running constantly behind if I got up at 7am.

Are your DC old enough for any drop-off sports clubs on a weekend morning? Or would DH rouse himself to take them swimming/to football etc while you cracked on at home? Or is even that too much for him?

Robot vacuum cleaner is a game change r for floors, just keeps them presentable with no effort. It's nice comin g home to clean carpets and no crumbs in the kitchen

Op your kids are very young- yes it’s a great time to get them helping/ enjoying helping/ it being second nature but firstly with those ages there will be chaos (which is fine imo!) and they’re too young to make a good dent in things (when my 13yo helps he runs rings around me, the others are less enthusiastic and I don’t want him to think he should do everything so that’s our road block here on kids getting stuff done to help!!)

you have my sympathy OP. My key advice woul
be to take little opportunities to do a small job, together they will add up.
For example, you could clean the bathroom whilst supervising bathtirne. If you did a little each night it would be clean by the end of the week and easier to maintain.
I was in the habit of putting the kettle on and standing by it til it boiled. It’s amazing how much you can do in that those couple of minutes and it all adds up.
A tip I picked up off MN so can’t claim the glory! ‘Never leave a room without doing two things to improve it’. So that’s not major things but for example picking up some rubbish; taking something out that doesn’t belong there ; straighten the cushions etc so little things which add up over time.
Anothet suggestion would be to use one of your evening hours for yourself for self-care - file your nails, give yourself a mini facial, soak in the bath. You’ve a lot on your plate so taking care of yourself needa to be more of a priority than it probably is

This is my 2 penny worth...

Please don't start cleaning the shower while you shower or cleaning the toilet in the morning before school while the kids are doing spellings ( I think my kids were a whole other species to this) or eating into your 1 hr of downtime or reducing your sleep...... You are doing the most important thing, keeping yourself together, sane and prioritising your kids.

Once your husband goes, all the negative energy and resentment goes too. The kids will get bigger and easier. Definitely get a cleaner if you can afford it. If you can push your husband to take them to the park for a few hours at the weekend, great.

But other than that, don't kill yourself to make your house like a show home and give yourself burnout in the process. You're doing a great job already.

That's working life. Unless you have a cleaner or a partner who tidies and hoovers while you make the kids tea, that is the reality.
My house is only really clean on a Sunday (I do most of my chores 6am - 8am on Sunday mornings)

I'm about to get up and start another day. I'll take 10 mins to dust & hoover my room but only because ds has finished school and I'm not fighting to get him out of bed.

You aren't alone. I look at it this way. Everyone in my house is safe, happy, healthy and well fed. The bills are paid, there is (some) money in the bank. I'm doing OK.

You’re not doing anything wrong - it’s impossible. We have a cleaner every other week for four hours and that’s the only way bathrooms, vacuuming etc gets done. It’s such a cost though. And even then I spend a good few hours running madly through the house tidying stuff away so she can actually clean. There’s washing everywhere, my oven has literally never been cleaned nor have my windows, grass overgrown etc. The only way to deal with it is to run yourself to the ground on weekends but to what end? My advice is to work really hard to just sit with it and focus on what you have not what you don’t (clean perfectly organised home).

ive also taken to watching those mother help videos on instagram which are so addictive. Women (usually American) who have what’s called a ‘mothers help’ come in who just get shit done. No lists, no explanations, they just open up their eyes and move through the home getting it all organised. BLISS

Get rid of any clutter
clean the bathroom each day quickly after bath time
get the kids a duster each and get them to follow you around before bed time giving some of the upstairs surfaces, play a specific piece of music for this so it’s cleaning time (pre schools do this to train them sometimes !)
If you can afford it get a robot hoover (carpets need to be clear of bits and bobs just throw anything on the sofa or bed and press go. You can do a different room each day.
Don’t give up your hour in the evening.

When you say you are waiting to split can I ask why? What is it you’re waiting for. Right now you are dealing with all this AND have the weight of knowledge that another adult is in the home, making his share of the mess, and not lifting a finger. Removing that dead weight would make your mind lighter.

is it a financial reason you’re not telling him to move out?

Im not going to pretend it won’t still be hard and tiring with him out but I can tell you having seen it in friends, when that emotional weight lifts it frees something up in you. You’ll be more efficient and be able to adjust because you won’t have a waste of space in your way the whole time.

Few things. One is that it doesn’t take an hour to get two children ready. If their uniform is ready the night before and they’re able to dress themselves then they can crack on with that while you potter about doing a few cleaning jobs. Once you’ve got them breakfast and they’re happily eating again you can clean. This is what I do anyway. You could also think about getting up a bit earlier, or just doing a few more jobs before bed so you don’t want to die when you go down the next morning. There are ways.

You also don’t need to have a pristine deep cleaned home, it just needs to superficially look ok for your mental health.