To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

I don't think anyone CAN realistically do it all and have much of a life of their own when working those hours with kids of that age. If possible I'd cut my hours and / or pay for a cleaner. I would definitely do without luxuries to achieve a better life/work balance.

When is the lazy lumo leaving? Why can’t he clean up his house? I’d tell him I’ve invited his family the weekend for dinner, see if it’ll shift him. In all seriousness I would drag him off the sofa.

I really struggle too and wonder the same, I have 3 primary aged children and a husband who does way more than his share but it's like trying to bail out water on the titanic with a shot glass. We work from home, but even then we are paid to do our jobs not do house jobs/clean, and a cleaner wouldn't work if we are both in the house trying to work besides, they only clean too, they don't tidy, do washing, put clothes away and the million other jobs that need doing, the actual cleaning bit is the easy part I find, the house isn't dirty it's more stuff everywhere for us! Our children have multiple activities every night too so we don't even have time in the evening to catch up, we are literally drowning! Weekends are the same, activities, parties and actually trying to see friends and family, shopping or having the odd family day out. It's intense. I honestly don't know how people with busy ft jobs and multiple children do it? There just aren't enough hours in a week to do everything and clean and tidy the house!

Well done to you for keeping everything else together. 🙌It's great that you take them out at the weekend - so much more important and will be memorable for them, rather than if you just focused on keeping a clean house.
Ooh maybe one tip could be to run a dust cloth over the bathroom while they're in the bath? (If they're still of that age when you're in the room with them - sorry I haven't read the whole thread.)

Actually, just thought, when my daughter was younger, we had a plastic box in the bathroom and all her bath toys etc would be thrown into that. It didnt look as nice as them all being neatly sorted and lined up but it was quick and easy to keep the bath clear and the bathroom neat.

Now we have a big lidded box in the living room for her. Although she is 15, sometimes it just isn't worth the arguments so anything she leaves out, gets thrown into the box. Not sorted or tidied, literally just swept into it. Keeps everything tidy. She moans about it but I'm not running around after her and nor am I living surrounded by beads and scraps of paper and other random stuff that she is "too tired" to put away.

Maybe having boxes in each room to do this would help with your house?

And, a cordless vacuum for quick jobs. We have a Henry but I can't be bothered getting him out just to deal with a spilt packet of crisps on the sofa so I use the cordless for that. I think it is classed as a car vacuum.

Get a cleaner

£320 a month on a cleaner is far too much for most though, I would say.

All I can say to you OP is solidarity. I feel similar and I have a fully functioning husband who pulls his weight, so the position you are in is completely understandable.

I'm hoping to get a cleaner soon just to come and do the bathrooms and floors once a week. Then at least I know those are clean. Our bathrooms are awful, not helped by no one else 'seeing' the mess and me frequently losing my cool over it. Things like toilets just left dirty, used toilet rolls not put in the bin etc etc.

I can thoroughly recommend a cordless hoover. I got one from Bosch with two batteries, it was a couple of hundred pounds but has been a game changer for me, so much easier to just whizz it around.

And selling stuff on Vinted is great but actually it means you still have it hanging around the house, and then you have to find time to wrap/post etc. I have a big, large plastic box for things which I definitely want to sell but have recently started just giving stuff to charity. Yes the money would be nice but my sanity is more important.

Lastly, just want to say that you're not wrong for allowing yourself some time in the day. Otherwise, you will burn out and then that's no good to anyone. So enjoy that wine and telly, you need it. 💐

Declutter your stuff and the kids' stuff.

Have baskets in every room that you can dump random stuff into to access the floor to mop/hoover. If no one claims the stuff in the next month or so then it obviously wasn't that important and can be chucked/donated.

Keeping floors clear means you can get a robot hoover/mop.

Get a timer, set it for 15 minutes every day and blitz through as much cleaning as you can. Start with 10 minutes first if you're feeling overwhelmed.

Clean with your kids. They're still little so I get that they won't be much help, but clean while they're around and can see you doing it. Invite them to join you. Most kids want to spend time with their parents so there's a good chance they'll want to join in at some point even just for short bursts.

Think of small, specific tasks they can do - empty cutlery from dish washer, hang up clean socks on the washing line, spray the cleaning solution on a surface before you wipe it down (I use diluted vinegar so it's safe for kids to be around).

Make cooking/cleaning a fun, interactive activity where you and the kids spend time together. You don't always have to join them in their activities, they can also join you in yours.

If you put the effort into 'training' your kids now it will really pay off in a few years.

I recommend the book 'Hunt, gather, parent', it gave me loads of great ideas on how to raise happy, helpful kids.

Then of course it's also important to manage your expectations. Having a show home while working full time with 2 kids simply isn't achievable for the vast majority of us. You don't want to spend all your time thinking you should be doing more. That's where I find the 15 minute timer is useful. You clean for 15 minutes and then can stop guilt free.

Good luck.

I had to get a work from home job and my lunch break is a write off. It is spent cleaning, doing laundry and admin. Means I can relax in the evenings. I would be the same as you if I worked in an office!

I saw this woman once, pushing beautiful pram with a buggy board and a little girl in a beret hat, all dressed up smiling sweetly as her mother pushed her along. I just thought ‘you are having a very different experience of motherhood than me’

My sister has two boys and I completely understand where you are coming from, some children are a lot more work than others, won’t help, take every minute of your time and are just ‘high needs’ just surviving this is all you need to do, get a cleaner as a once off of you can’t afford it all the time but accept you have a lot on your plate and you are doing it solo. I admire you.

Cleaner. Deep clean first then four hours per week. £20 pr. It's saved me

@ComeOnNowww honestly, a cleaner.
£40 once a fortnight and you come home to a clean and straightened out house. It's such a tonic.
Cut back elsewhere if needed - I never get my nails done etc.
Then sit down with the kids and explain mummy is so tired that you need their help.
I did this after divorce and exhausted from kids sleeping on my bed or getting up super early.
You need them to stay in bed - they can read, but must stay in their rooms. Lights out at say 8.30. Don't run up and down to them.
What happens before bedtime?
Can you plan screens off and something calm for last 20 mins or so?
You need them to tidy their rooms once a week and get dressed independently every day - £2 pocket money if they do.
You definitely need that hour to yourself every evening - don't replace it with cleaning - it's your sanctuary time. Been there.
Good luck with the divorce.
Life will be easier afterwards.

Yeah it’s hard. I do the stuff as I’m going along as much as I can. So while I’m cooking dinner, while it’s simmering etc I wipe round in the kitchen. Before I have a shower I spend a couple of mins wiping the sink. I clean the shower when I’m actually in it. I have a robovac for downstairs, which helps. I hoover upstairs at the weekend while the kids are getting ready to go out for the day.

I feel you. My house is the same, always has been. I’ve learned to accept it for now because I don’t have the mental resources to tackle it. DH works away Sunday - Thursday so that part of the week I’m the sole carer for 3 teenagers. I’m trying to get them to do chores but sometimes it’s just not worth the battle.

Get the kids to help with tidying / cleaning. (Age appropriate tasks obviously). Make a game of it and/or reward with treats.

Like many others said, I have a cleaner. It’s not possible otherwise. During most of the primary school years I worked a four day week too.

And you need to start training the DC to be a little bit helpful: set the table, sweep up crumbs etc. it’s a few years yet before they’re going to be fully helpful but it’s using that clinginess to help you. by 9 DS knew that if he was on screens and the dishwasher wasn’t unloaded they would go off. So he has unloaded the dishwasher since.

Get you and them out of the house as much as possible (when there isn’t a weather warning). If they’re charging around in the garden/park it is much better For them mentally and physically… and they aren’t undoing your hard work.

@ComeOnNowww id start by cleaning the bathroom before you use it next . So tonight when you take your shower know you clean the bathroom before you do.

Tomorrow spend an extra ten minutes cleaning the kitchen and do this each day with can room . Then Saturday morning washing in while boys eating and hoover and mop the downstairs . Do the same Sunday morning .

Are you out all day all weekend ? Even if you are start a new weekend routine . Tell the boys nobody goes out until chores are done .
I’d also say a cleaner for two hours a week to do the big jobs . For the first few weeks get them in twice a week to get on top of the house . Then once it’s organised they will have the weekly big jobs and you have time for the small ones .
If you can’t afford them weekly ask for some deep clean hours then go to monthly or keep on top of it yourself .
Can you tell your husband he needs to pay for it as he does nothing else ?

What you are doing sounds amazing. Two young boys are hard work.

can you say to your husband ‘take them out for 2 hours in Saturday morning I need to clean the house’ and maybe he could go to the playground or his parents house? It’s so unfair that this is all down to you.

I would also hire a cleaner to come in to help. It’s worth it.

The whole point of wfh is to offer better work life balance. Start this week by divorcing from the idea of ‘working your arse off’ and take a proper one hour lunch break at 12 o clock every day. 30 mins for lunch and 30 mins per day to clean. Schedule what room each day and stick to it. X

I’m in pretty much the same place as you but if you can get up a bit earlier or you can give up a bit of your last hour, I find that I can lose myself in audio books or radio whilst I clean. Earbuds are good so you can move around the house without carrying your phone.

DH & I wake up at 5:50 am - Brush teeth, loo, get workout clothes on, DH goes to gym or for a run. I workout at home.
6.30 am - 7am - Strength training/ pilates/ treadmill
7am - Wake kids up, sometimes they wake up to their alarm. I just check they are up and send them to brush their teeth. I go for a post workout shower. DH is back from gym or run and gets himself ready and has some bf if he has time else eats at work.
7.15- 7.45 am- Put on some make up, dry hair, supervise kids changing into uniform
7.30 am - DH leaves for the hospital
7.45 - 8.15 am - Bf for me and kids
8.20 am - Leave for school, I drop them 4 days a week, they do bf and afterschool club one day a week and that is the only day DH drops and picks them up. I walk them to school to get my steps in.
9am - Back home and start work.
3pm - Go for school run and get my steps in
3.30 pm - Back home, give kids a snack
3.45pm - Back to work, kids eat snack and relax for a bit.
4.30 pm - 5.30 pm - Kids do some homework, maths/spelling practice they are 5 and 9 years old. The elder one helps the younger one. They sometimes come to ask me doubts but usually quite independent
5.30-6pm - I finish work, the time varies.
5.30 pm- Dd goes for a shower
6pm - I give Ds a shower
5.30 - 7pm - DH returns
6.30 pm - 7.30 pm - Dinner
7.30 pm - Kids go to bed
8 pm - 9pm- DH unloads and re-loads dishwasher, I fill water bottles, pack lunches clean kitchen counters and dining table surface. Sweep and mop kitchen and entrance hallway. Iron next days uniform for the kids and fold laundry.
9pm - I take another shower as it helps me sleep.
10.30 pm - DH and I go to sleep.

We employ a cleaner once a week, gardener fortnightly, window cleaner once every 4 weeks. Rest all is done on the weekend! House is pretty neat and tidy. Also kids make their own beds daily and clean their play room and bedrooms.

Smaller family than you but I still struggle to have a presentable house. Husband also MIA but for different reasons to you and not really his fault.

My issue is 2 fold:
First, too much stuff. Not everything has a place to live which leads to my second point which is
We dont pick up as we go. We are terrible for putting down, not putting away. Then before you know it, there is an overwhelming amount of mess and I can't clean.

So I prioritised getting rid of lots stuff. I didnt have time to do Marie Kondo type declutter so would spend chunks of time in one physical area eg kitchen drawers, my wardrobe, the children's books etc. This is constant btw. It's not a do it once and it's done. Eventually your brain clicks when you realise how much money you are literally throwing/giving away and you do reduce how much you bring in.

Then I would prioritise things until they became a habit. So for instance, once the bathroom had a sensible amount if stuff, I would make sure it was always clean. Keep my normal routine for everything else but make sure the bathroom was clean. Maybe look at TOMM routines and use the bathroom list?

Once that had becone normal, I sorted another area eg the dining table (where we dump stuff) then I would keep the bathroom clean as standard (because it had become routine so I didnt think about it anymore) and add clearing the dining table each night. Then once that was routine I added something else etc etc.

Also, learn to let things go. Our floors dont get cleaned as often as they should but we don't have anyone sitting/playing on them anymore so I'd rather spend that time dusting (well I wouldn't but you know what I mean!)

Once you have a good starting point it does become easier and you get quicker. Spending 15mins a day to keep on top of a bathroom will mean you have a nice bathroom all the time and 15mins is less scary than say 90mins every Saturday which then gets put off until the next weekend and the next...

What always motivates me is when MIL comes to visit. 🤣

Every second week cleaner. Try to just find the money maybe instead of the wine. My house still mess most of the time but you have one perfectly calm tidy clean evening which is bliss and the bathrooms are not dirty and floors clean.
I have since got in a rhythm manage to get clothes tidy night before cleaner comes. After they leave little piles stuff around place do easier to focus on what to do with that.

Stop drinking wine and spend the money on a cleaner! The clean and tidy house will relax you far better than alcohol.