To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

Do you need as much sleep? 8 hours midweek is some achievement, but we all have different sleep needs. I probably sleep around 6 or 7 hours. I like time at night and the morning when the kids are in bed to get myself organised. The kids need to learn to not have your constant entertainment which sounds like part of the problem.

OP I hear you. My partner is great but he's so busy (and so messy) that I do the lions share myself.

I think my brain is slightly ADHD so I set myself a timer for each room I need to clean. For example while I was running the bath for my daughter yesterday I did a ten minute clean of our en suite. I then set a timer after she was in bed for 20 minutes to do the kitchen which included loading the dishwasher and spraying anti bac/moving items to do this. It has really helped because I want it done in 20 minutes etc. give it a try.

8 - 9 constantly put kids back to bed. Feel like tearing my hair out

This needs to stop. You are burnt out being at their beck and call all evening.

The children have your attention from 5.30 to 8, they can have all the hugs and 1:1 they want them. But after 8, they know getting up for no reason isn't tolerated. No hugs, chats provided. They aren't met with a smile. It sounds harsh but they need the sleep and you can be a better parent when you have a routine they stick to.

Pay somebody a coule of hundred quid to get on top of cleaning. Then book a regular slot.

Just wanted to say taht once your H is gone, you might be suurrised ho wmuch EASIER your life is. Sure, it's all on you, but a) you'll be dealing with less resentment and b) you won't be cleaning up after him.

we have a shower over th ebath and I clean the bath every few days while i'm in the shower. While my hair is conditioning - quick spritz of the bath. Sink and toilet just before I brush my teeth in the morning or evening. This really helps to keep the bathroom under control.

A robot vacuum does a huge amount for my sanity (and there are good deals on Prime currently - the Eufy G50 is less than £100 and is absolutely fine for day to day life). You have to make sure you've dealt with things on the floor but it might be worth buying a couple of boxes or tubs and any clutter get tossed int here in short term. if, after a month, it's all still there - it's a sign you can just toss it out! :). But putting that on before I leave for the day and coming home to a nicely vacuumed floor is literally life changing for me.

It's not fair but if you can FORCE your H to take the kids to the park or something for a morning on the weekend, you could get on top of the bigger jobs lilke a proper clean of the kitchen, bedding etc? Even if it's just once every few weeks?

As PP have said, you'll be surprised once the deadweight of your H is gone how much less chaos and mess there will be.

In the meantime, is there anyone in your family/friends who could come over and watch the kids for a few hours so that you can get some of the tasks done? Upkeep is easier once everything is sorted. A good friend/family member would understand if you explain, I'm sure.

My daughter has four children, 6,4,2 and ten months. She doesn’t go out to work. Husband is in the armed forces and has to go away regularly. Even without going to work it’s hard to keep on top of everything. She has OCD with all the intrusive thoughts and strange figures living in her house, waiting to punish her if she doesn’t do things right. You have to do the best you can and not punish yourself. The only suggestion I have is to get the kids in bed by 6.30 (this is what she does).
They don’t need to bath every night if they’re five and six. She reads a story every night and they have film night on Friday and Saturday. Once in bed, they can play a bit, or read a book. The rule (obviously not always adhered to) is stay upstairs.
Where I live a cleaner is £16 an hour. I’m disabled and have a girl that comes in for two hours a week. The difference it makes is incredible. Good luck.

Not rtft but I clean the bathroom while my dc is in the bath. The only thing I don’t do is the tiles around the bath and the bath… I do them at the start of my shower. When I make tea i clean the kitchen and limit myself to one small part that I can use so only that small section needs cleaning at the end, I’ve stopped caring about my pans needing handwashing and I shove everything in the dishwasher. Leave it on overnight and empty while the kettle boils first thing. I have a robot Hoover which isn’t great but if used everyday while at work it keeps on top of downstairs mostly and then a couple of nights a week I mop on my way to bed, leave the bucket at the bottom of the stairs and flush the water when I get up first thing.

I make DC tidy his own toys away and make his bed, all bedding is the same colour so once a week we all strip our own bed and shove it in one load, unless the weathers like this I shove it in the dryer and then curse myself at bedtime when I have to put it back on. Robot Hoover on upstairs when we are all downstairs a couple of times a week. I think keeping on top of the carpets/floors makes less dust in general so dusting becomes less frequent. Could you get the dc to race or something wiping down windows or polishing tables to make it exciting?

The thing which really helped our house (other than dramatically lowering both standards and expectations and cutting yourself some slack because it sounds like you're rushed off your feet!!) was making keeping the house tidy a team effort.

The kids are expected to contribute. It took a while and a bit of practice but I basically set it out as an expectation and have stuck to it. Some days are more successful than others!

At the moment (7&5) that means that in the morning they make their beds, wipe the sink after we've brushed their teeth (not fully cleaning it, but rinsing everything away!), one empties the dishwasher whilst the other gets the breakfast table ready, or one of them might water the garden usually whilst I'm prepping breakfast or putting a load of laundry on etc. I drew a little chart of their morning jobs and they fold them up when something is done (for example hair brushed, bed made). Things like that. Then after dinner we have about 20 minutes where everyone gets some chores done, might be vacuuming a room, sorting some laundry, cleaning a bathroom, whatever. If they help and we get everything done then I'm around to help out with bedtime stuff, we get more story time etc. If they don't help as much then they get themselves ready for bed and we have less quality time together to read or play a board game before bed etc.

Take shortcuts wherever you can, for example clean the shower when you're in it.

Doesn't work perfectly every day, and there's dust on the skirting boards, the windows could be washed, the garden has many a weed, but this sort of thing keeps it at a level where I can stand to look at it!

A few things OP. Could you afford a one off spring clean to get your house in shape so you are just maintaining until the next big spring clean? If you have clutter, get rid. See if you can sell it on Vinted. Could the kids do an after school activity to burn energy and give you some time to tidy/clean? As others have said, get them to help tidy before bed time even if just picking things off the floor, bringing dishes into kitchen, cleaning the bathroom sink and surround.

If you can afford a regular cleaner, do it. Also single parent working FT here and it makes all the difference in the world to have someone come regularly and sort out the toilets, bedding, laundry, floors, etc…

OP you’re already doing an amazing job. The truth is a lot of parents do have more help and or spare time than you have so give yourself a break and stop comparing yourself to others.

I get up at 6 walk the dogs then do a tidy of the kitchen and or living room. But I’m a morning person and DH also does his share. Perhaps you could get up earlier once or twice a week just to keep on top of the worse bits that way you don’t lose your only time to relax every night. I also do some in my lunch break when WFH so maybe try and reclaim your lunch break. But otherwise just focus on getting your ducks in a row. Presumably if you split your then ex will have a kids at least a day a week to give you a bit of time?

I’m a SAHM with 2 young kids so appreciate that I have it nowhere near as hard as you do but I did used to really struggle with tidying, cleaning, routines etc and my home was a mess all the time. Do you use your phone a lot? This was a huge thing for me, when I’m using my phone frequently and scrolling, my brain just can’t focus on anything else. Even when I put it down, I just can’t see the wood for the trees with housework or kids routines etc. Other than that, I did an aggressive declutter, I just threw away anything that wasn’t used daily or didn’t bring any value to the home. Including kids toys, no random toy pieces etc, I kept only toys that gave some kind of developmental advantage and didn’t have hundreds of pieces that the kids just threw around the house. I did laundry most days even if there wasn’t a full basket and split my basket into clothes that can be thrown in the dryer and those that can’t rather than darks/whites so now I can just throw the majority of clothes in the wash and straight in the dryer. Bathrooms you can clean as you use them. Spray and scrub the shower either before or after you have a shower, cleaning around the sink after you brush your teeth etc. I left a cleaning spray and cloth in each bathroom so it took the mental work out of it. Making sure everything has a place and it goes back there. Kids things ready by the door for school. Easy breakfast for the kids that require little preparation and little clean up. If you can afford it I would recommend getting a cleaner in just once to get everything cleaned up and then you just have to keep on top of it. It doesn’t require full deep cleans every day, just keeping up with each area whilst you’re using them. Hope that helps, you’re doing great, 2 young boys, a full time job and useless husband is not easy

Tbh sounds like a lot of time unaccounted for. I do a lot of jobs whilst working throughout the day like putting a wash on, actual cleaning I’ll do on my lunch break instead of taking a lunch. When my husband works from home he’ll do jobs too or walk the dog. Then when I pick my daughter up I’ll tidy as we go along and do as much as I can do so I don’t have to do as much after she goes to bed. When one person does bed time, the other cleans.

First of all, I hope you're not doing anything for your useless sack of a husband. If he doesn't do anything round the house, then no dinners or laundry for him!

If you can, take a day to blitz the place. One big reset. Take a day's leave or send kids to a friend or grandparent to give you time for a good clean and declutter.

Have a routine e.g. how we do it is Sunday is wash day, Tuesday putting dry laundry away, and ironing if needed, Wednesday dust and hoover, Thursday bathroom cleaning. Towels changed weekly. Beds changed every 2 weeks.
Kitchen wiped daily. Just a bit every day helps us keep on top. Clean fridge out once a month.

Get those kids used to staying in bed and not faffing around! Would a reward chart work? Also, get them roped into some simple chores - tidying away toys, pairing socks.

Batch cooking and easy meals. If you make something that can be frozen, make extra and then it can be defrosted when needed.

Hopefully there will be light at the end of the tunnel for you soon!

It's so tough esp when doing it on your own @ComeOnNowww

I cant claim to have fully hacked it but for me its little and often.

Namely:

• 10 mins timer in the morning when kids eating (I prep my breakky the night before) and 10 mins after I've cleaned kitchen at night to do a mad clean. That adds to over 2 hours a week!

• Cleaning products in each bathroom and I do one part of a bathroom a day. I.e. a sink one day, bath the next. Easy to wipe around sink or toilet when kids in bath

• Vacuum one room a day with cordless vac

• Cook double of what I need each night and freeze the rest to free up time

• Have a list as long as arm of 2-5 min jobs such as sewing buttons on, glueing a toy, wiping fridge out etc, all written down, and I choose one each evening. If low energy I pick something to do in front of tv

Could you get a cleaner in to come and for half a day as a one off and give you a head start?

I have no magic suggestions for you to have more time in the day, especially with a useless husband. But listening to audiobooks/podcasts in my wireless headphones really helps me clean and tidy.

Get up earlier. You can clean your house beforehand.

have something ready in a slow cooker and use that extra time for cleaning

prioritise an afternoon on the weekend.

enforce a proper bedtime routine and don’t allow your children to run the show.

your life sounds busy, but no busier than most people’s. I find very very limited amounts of excuses for filthy or untidy houses acceptable tbh. It should be a priority.

Not everyone can afford a cleaner and everyone needs some down time.
OP my house was similar when my children were growing up. My priority was them over the house work. I still had friends round though because their houses were exactly the same!
As long it's not a health hazard and you get the basics done I wouldn't worry.

You need to look at stacking things.

Clean the shower/bath while having a shower.
Wipe down sink after brushing your teeth, with the towel if you have to. throw it in the wash.
Have a wee/ throw some bleach down/wipe around before flushing

boiling the kettle for dinner, wipe down the table while you are waiting for it to boil

before you sit down for your evening hour, give the sitting room a quick once over. before you go to bed take out any bins and straighten etc.

It is tiny micro actions that dont seem like anything that will get you on top of it all

The shower - clean it when you get out. I often do this. Shower, get out wrap my towel round me and clean the bathroom whilst I drip dry 😂

Get up earlier at 5 or 6 instead of 7. Do you have a husband?

Thing is, you probably need a reset. Trying to find a routine while you're house is a mess isn't going to work. You need to spend a day or two properly cleaning it from top to bottom, and then your routine will be about maintaining that, not making it happen in the first place. Personally I'd take a few days of work and get it done, but if you aren't able to do that, I'd focus on getting up early or sacrificing your hour in the evening for a week. Just a week, and spend that time doing a room at a time.

Then I'd find a routine that works. And maybe it is just getting up 30 mins early and spending that time doing a different room each day. Or not sitting down in the evening until you've done certain things. Or maybe its batch cooking at the weekends so that dinner time hour can be spent sorting the house while the kids eat something you've heated up. Or telling the kids that if they won't stay in bed between 8 and 9 then they have to help with the housework....

And genuinely, start getting the kids to help where they can - they might not be much help right now, but as they get older they will, and easier if they start learning to do their bit now!

But I do think you need a reset to get the house so its in 'maintenance' mode first.

When pretty much single parenting I think getting the kids to help tidy up is key. It takes longer but teaching them a skill and slowly things will get tidier and cleaner. I don’t do this every evening, but before bed I get my girls to tidy their toys away with my help and then we do a quick clean. Or I let them have tv and milk and biscuits while I clean up the kitchen after dinner. It’s messy while they are young but getting up earlier does help me get more done when I need to and helps me feel calmer in the morning. As others said decluttering is key too and you can get charity collections so it is literally book a collection and then bag it up outside the door.

You need to try and make more of your time when working from home - do you take any breaks / lunch? Whilst the kettle is boiling then you can load / unload dishwasher or put a wash on - are you on camera all day? Could you dust whilst in a meeting and listening?

Boys are 6 and 8 and get themselves up in the morning, do their own breakfast and get dressed - not saying they don't sometimes need to be shouted at to chivvy them along

They have a shower when they get home from school and put their dirty uniforms straight in the washing machine - everyone does this which means I just need to turn it on

I keep a scrub daddy wand thing in the bathroom with bathroom cleaner in - i give the shower a scrub when I'm in there

Batch cook meals at weekend which reduces amount of kitchen clean up in week

I recently got an electronic calendar and put all school things on there so the boys check and see if they need pe / swim kit etc
It also has a points system on it and the kids earn points for doing jobs around the house or for doing the basics - basics being up on time, get dressed, have breakfast, make bed, open blinds, keep bedroom tidy, hang up coat and bag when in, put shoes away
They use the points for nintendo time or days out etc etc - they can save them up and get something big or use them for small things - its their choice