To think the daily routine is impossible. Disgusting house

The kids aren’t doing enough. The children can do the dishwasher after they’ve eaten, they don’t need baths every night and once in bed, STAY in bed.

Kids getting up after they’ve gone to bed was my bug bear and if you can knock this in the head, you’ll get an extra hour back.

im sorry, but getting up an hour earlier is, in my view, the route to insanity. Some of us need a bit of time each day when nobody needs us to unwind. It’s not a big ask.

The alternative is to just accept that these years are for treading water and will pass. I had three boys and it’s full on. It was good fun but it was noisy and chaotic 🤣. Maybe pristine houses are for when they’ve all left home!

hi, I really think you are likely doing far better that you feel you are. Your kids are loved, fed and cared for.
It is tough when the kids are small (I have 3 boys, but now much older!).
What helped me was having a set day to do a particular chore, eg bathroom on Thursday night, clean kitchen floors on a saturday morning, hoover etc. then you don't feel like you have to do the whole house in one go - that's madness.
if you can get up a wee bit before your kids, even 30mins, then you can eg put away dishes, put on a load of washing/hang a load up that washed overnight, set out breakfast things.
and PREP as much as you can, lunchboxes the night before, set out school uniform and bags night before - saved the morning rush for me if I knew it had been done, and it honestly takes ten mins.

I haven't read all of the comments so this will probably already have been mentioned but try following the organised mum method, it has really helped me. 30 minutes a day focusing on one room. (if possible, less than 30 minutes is better than nothing) plus 15 mins making beds, hoovering areas you use regularly and focusing on the bathrooms, i'll clean sinks one day, toilets the next etc so it only takes 5 minutes. I WFH and split it into chunks on my breaks or do it whilst my DC are occupied in the evening.
Mon - living room
Tues - bedrooms
Weds - hall and stairs
Thurs - kitchen
Fri - a rolling day focusing on decluttering or deep cleaning rooms. They have an app but I've never used it, I just follow the check lists online.

I am with you OP, two boys 5 and 3. I have found the garden in an hour after school gives me time to do dishwasher. youngest doesn't sleep but I have given up trying to put him down so put on Beddy Byes on TV and do stuff in that hour sometimes wash the floor as best I can with his footsteps everywhere. The bathrooms for me are the nightmare as there just is no time! I can only hope it gets easier. I find a podcast and cleaning works when im wrecked after theyre in bed or sometimes 90s disco music!

Hang on in there OP, you are living stressfully with this waste of space partner atm and you will not believe how motivated and opptomistic you will feel when free of him. Just keep going, buy the Organised Mum book and start planning a calmer life. Wishing you & your boys every good thing OP x

You hire a professional cleaning company and have them scrub your home to the 9's every 3 or 4 months.

How about grabbing an outside meal for dinner? We can get all the clean at 6-7., and cut down how often we do daily clean

You're an angel. I have actually just printed this off, I might pin it to my fridge 😍

I think you will be better off when your divorced. You'd at least get a few hours when the kids are with their dad. If he actually bothers his arse to have them. If not you'll drop his labour and the resentment of doing everything while he sits on his arse. I had much more free time when me and H separated. We are currently together and having counselling.

If I was you I'd get a cleaner in as a one off to do a deep clean and help you get on top of things.

There are things you need to do everyday. Stuff you do once a week. Then stuff you do once a month. Also the kids need to do jobs. Otherwise they will be useless like their dad. They can make their own beds, load the dishwasher, pick up there own toys, put laundry in the basket and pair socks.

You're missing.....a cleaner

(and a husband of course, but seems that may or may not be an issue)

Enlist some friends to come and help you do a proper clean/declutter in return for your sanity and a couple of frozen pizzas/beer. Could the grandparents take the children at the weekend so you can give yourself a few hours?
The children are actually very capable at that age and usually very willing to help so make getting dressed alone a target with a timer, get them to hang the washing, put stuff in the dishwasher, wipe the table. Trust me they absolutely can. Mine would fight over the hoover. Get them in the habit to pick up when they have finished playing, eating etc and to get their own clothes ready for the next day. It's hard (even harder with a useless husband) but you can do this. Get back on your feet, get separated and then get a cleaner. You've got this!

The priority is divorcing your DH and I think things will fall into.place. You are doing the best you can with everything going on.

Let kids stay up till 9pm. It sounds as though they aren’t asleep by then anyway
Move the bathtime up an hour.

However with the later bedtime there are strings attached.
They must tidy and hoover their bedrooms and go through the house and anything that is theirs whether it be a pair of pants, a towel, the plate they used for dinner or a toy must be tidied up and put in the laundry basket or in the dishwasher

Named boxes for putting their clothes that they will wear the next day in. And named boxes for their clean laundry that they can put away themselves

Try a Marie Kondo video or 2
Sometimes we fill the space we have and keep what we don’t need or even want just because we have the space to put it. Then the stuff we do need ends up not having a space to put away.

EBay/FBMP/charity shop for the stuff you don’t need or want.
Spend 20 minutes going through 1 cupboard/1shelf and asking yourself, Do you need it regularly, do you need it rarely, do you want to keep it or is it rubbish or something you don’t need anymore in which case sell or give away.

My now exh used to work away 3 weeks in every 4
I thought it was me who couldn’t keep on top of everything
It wasn’t. When he was away the house became immaculate. Kids were in bed on time.

When he came home within 24 hours it was like a tornado had hit each room.

Your routine looks very much like mine, and my house is usually a state.

Some things I do to try and stay on top of it is do little bits here and there. For example, while I'm bathing the kids I clean the sink and loo whilst chatting to them.

I have also put a lock on the spare room, and store most of their messiest toys in there, and bring them out in a sort of rotation so they're not constantly emptying boxes of teeny weeny toys all over the house.

I saw some video/post about micro cleaning. Basically just do a mini 1 or 2 minute clean when you can. Just used the loo? Give it a quick wipe over. Waiting for the kids to finish in the bath/shower, clean the sink. Waiting for the pasta to boil, wipe down the worktops.

I mean, it's not a deep down clean but it is manageable and I have felt better since I've started doing it.

Also, chuck stuff away. Be brutal.

If your kids at primary school they're old enough to help!
If you've got a dishwasher, make it ones job to load it every day, and ones job to unload and put away (pick a bench for them to put stuff that goes in cabinets they can't reach).
I'd be choosing maybe two things each for them to do every day, work it into their daily routines and try to make them active, reasonably quick jobs - stuff like hoovering a room, emptying the dishwasher, hanging the washing out, wiping down the bathroom sink, sorting the recycling and helping fold laundry are good for 5/6 year olds. It won't be perfect, but it will be better than it not being done at all. I'd say aim for about 15 minutes of chores, plus them taking on some more responsibility for stuff like putting their dirty dishes in the correct place, laying out their uniform, putting stuff in wash basket, and getting things back where they go.

I'd also consider having some 'quality time' where you play some games with them before bed, giving them a lot of attention, and then being stricter at bedtime and getting that routine so you don't sit with them, go back loads etc. sit with them and discuss what they think they need before bed and work this into the routine, so it can be checked off and there's less fancying about for a glass of water or another story or cuddle. Make it a reusable checklist and tick things off as they get done.
Suggestions for quick cleaning games you could incorporate, alongside their favourites, 'who can get the most dust/ dirt on their cleaning wipe' 'who can get the toys in the baskets the quickest'.

Work out what makes your house feel most unclean, and prioritise that when you do clean. (For me it's bathroom, washing up, and having clear surfaces downstairs). If you can, incorporate 10-15 minutes a day cleaning, set a timer and stop at the end of the time. That way you still get your chill time, and stuff will gradually get cleaner. You can perhaps do this once your kids have been put to bed, but before you attend to any more of their needs - something like 'this is mummy's cleaning time, I'll come check on you after I've finished'.

Also, if your house feels full of stuff that's making it messy and cluttered, have a sort out and get rid of a bunch of stuff. Kids should have space for toys that when they're away they all fit where they go. Same with clothes, all should fit in wardrobes and drawers. Try to have a home for everything and then teach your kids to put stuff back where it goes, which should make cleaning easier and quicker!
Maybe a good time to start, if you're planning on leaving your partner and may have to move/ want to redecorate and have a fresh start in your current home.

Op, as an aside you need to start showing your boys that cleaning is also men’s responsibility so the cycle doesn’t repeat. This will also make life easier for you (eventually)!

Don’t give up your hour in the evening OP you need that to recharge and make life feel worth living! Honestly, the people I know who have immaculate homes and are super organised have partners who help - either doing the housework or looking after the kids while their partner does. Plus sharing bedtime/cooking etc. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible to do on your own but important to remember when you are comparing your life to others. Or one partner is stay at home/part time etc. I used to really struggle with my house and I thought it was because I was lazy and the people with clean houses must be doing hours more everyday than I was. What I’ve now realised is it’s actually much harder and more time consuming to live in a messy/dirty/disorganised house because you can’t just crack on - you have to clear space in the kitchen to cook and wash up, root through the washing to find clean clothes in the morning, rush around looking for water bottles and school books among the mess. Life is actually way easier and more efficient when the house is together and you can just get on.

things to explore - could you compress your hours? Maybe do a 9 day fortnight which would give you a day with the house to yourself (and no partner if he works outside the home?) that would give you time to catch up a bit and mental space. It is incredibly draining living in a situation like this and will be sapping your energy more than you think. I have been a single parent in the past and it’s easier than living with somebody who is a dead weight.

failing that, I would look at a weekend club for the boys and here you can leave them for a couple of hours. I know stagecoach is 2/3 hours and is drop and run. If you could find something active that’s similar that would also help them burn off some steam? Or could you ask grandparents/family to have them for a couple of hours? It may embarrass partner into taking them out if you start asking other people and make it clear he won’t watch them and you need to get on top of things.

the sleep is a big one and cracking that would be a game changer. I would try:

• take them up to bed with a glass of water. If they want more water they can fill it up from the bathroom sink and go back to bed.
• small snack right before bed or while you do story, nothing too exciting, butter and toast, wheetabix, crackers and cheese. If they’re saying they’re hungry and they aren’t eating dinner you need to tell them at dinner there will be no snacks at bedtime and hold firm.
• try a yoto player - you could get them on Vinted to save some money. Allow playing or listening to the Yoto in their room as long as they stay in their room.
• do a short routine - aim for 10-15 minutes in each room while the other child listens to a Yoto/plays. Read with them, cuddle chat. Then swap and do the second. Then sit yourself outside their bedrooms with a basket of washing to fold. Tell them you are going now but you will come and check on them. At first you want to go back in almost instantly before they have the chance to come out. Once they aren’t following you straight out, slowly increase the time between check ins. I did 1 minute between, then 2 then 3 etc. Every time they try and come out of their room take them straight back in, minimal talking, as quickly as possible and assure them you will check on them but only if they’re in their room. First night it may take an age but you will build confidence in them that you will return. If it’s taking you an hour anyway worth a go. After a few nights they should start staying in their room between check ins and you can sit and fold the washing in between pop ins. Once I get to about the 5 minute mark I normally go downstairs and finish tidying, setting timers to check on them (only once confident they won’t come out of their rooms). Eventually you can do less frequent check ins without issue. This will buy you back some time and at least you can get the washing done.

i really like remi clogg on YouTube for realistic cleaning content and lots of helpful tips. Nice to watch somebody who’s home was actually messy and not someone polishing taps in their immaculate home! Dana K white and fly lady both good too. Organised mum is good but impossible to do in the time prescribed if the house is messy/cluttered. Start by focusing on bins/rubbish, dishwasher/dishes, washing/washing machine. They keep the home running and if you are on top of all 3 it will cut the mess dramatically.

decluttering - I used to think this meant pulling stuff out of cupboards. If the house is a mess start with what’s out. Have a constant charity bag on the go, as you fold washing weed out anything that’s too small/past it and donate or bin depending on condition. I wouldn’t bother trying to resell initially your time is limited. Anything valuable (potential second value of £50+ say) list as soon as you decide to pass it on, after a week half the price, a week after that half again, if it’s not sold then charity. Plenty of time for reselling when you are on top of things and less overwhelmed.

take it day by day; you can do this!

Always have a bowl of hot soapy water when you’re cooking dinner - you can wipe the kitchen down as you go

Get a Dyson stick vacuum - it’s so quick and always ready

All cleaning products are not equal - fairy liquid (not own brand) cleans most things

Get a laundry sorter for dirty washing

Spray mop for a quick reset every night

Mini mop in bathroom behind door - cleans tiles, bath, floors, whilst kids are in the bath and drying

Look up the 'notice and do' song by mama nous on Spotify. I play that and the kids know they need to pitch in and help. Makes it a bit more of a game/fun.

Thank goodness.
Those standards are off the chart.
Things will get easier. Get the boys a large box each so they can put the toys back, washing baskets in the bedroom, stick a wash on the morning, empty bins, rinse plates. Everything else will survive.
As the summer holidays start, try encouraging them to dress themselves at these leisure.
You’ll get there. Can you over out, leave him in the messy house.

Did you actually read ops posts?

How about dedicate one sat or Sunday a month and just having a really good clean and depending on age of kids get them to help make a game of it who can tidy the quickest ! Husband sounds like a lazy bastard x

Here is what I would do:

Book a few days annual leave for a proper reset
Book a slot at the tip on day 2 and ruthlessly declutter one the first day including organising clothes and a laundry system.
Get an agency in to do a full deep clean inc inside kitchen cupboards and deep cleaning bathrooms, maybe get help from a declutterer if you need it.

Then start afresh:
Sat morning, all hands cleaning the house. I can do my fairly large house in 3-4 hrs with a full clean of both bathrooms, dust, proper hoover, mop and change beds. Sometimes less.
Teach those kids some life skills. If that feels impossible, then movie morning or football in the garden while you work.
Sat afternoon: energetic family outing and home to crash with a treat meal like pizza.
Sunday: hubby takes kids out, you rest, potter, batch cook.
If he won’t then take them to a play place, sports club or park/beach and let them run while you supervise from a seat.
Weekdays:
Get up one hour earlier. Clean bathroom and kitchen as you go along - wipe out basins, mop shower or spray shower. Wipe kitchen and load dishwasher.
Put min one load of washing in every morning first thing when you get up and hang out before you leave for work.

After work in the 6-7 slot, serve dinner using batch cooked food or something that takes 15 mins or less to cook. Get those kids to clear and wipe down the table and help load the dishwasher. They need a system for tidying toys and sorting their clothes no reason why they cannot at that age.
7-8 and 8-9 you need to reset some rules. Can they shower themselves/ sit and have quiet tv time/ or a slightly later bed in return for play while you clear kitchen and sort laundry, uniforms, things for the following day. Or they help sort their uniforms and bags.
Stack everything by the front door that needs to leave the house with you. Lay out clothes in a specific place ready.
Maybe grab 30 mins playing a game with them or watching a tv prog you all enjoy.

9pm absolute rule that they are quiet and do not disturb you, it may take a little while to instill but you must have at least one hour to yourself. Get really firm about this. Get rid of the wine and tv and just sit and chill.

10pm bed, read and sleep. Alarm at 6 am, get up shower and start.

Once every few months get a deep clean booked, or have a regular cleaner weekly.
Shop online food delivery or make shopping a family event with a treat for helping, put those boys to work helping shop and cook. It will pay off long term.

Doesn’t sounds “great” to me but each to their own