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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Regret blocking my only friend

189 replies

LovingPeachFatball · 23/06/2026 20:33

He is my only friend in the city. We started out dating a year ago but it ended after I discovered that he had a partner who he expected me to be poly with. I also recently found out he has a child. The idea of polyamory was suggested to her after she was pregnant, at the end of her childbearing years, and finanically dependent on him. Sounds to me like she was in a bit of a hostage situation and forced to agree.

He is still in love with me and trying to talk me round to moving in with his family and having babies with him immediately. He and his wife are 10 years older than me and I am way too young to have a baby, I also don't have any romantic feelings for him anymore and I'm dating other people.

I blocked him because he talked down on my looks, told me that only desperate low-value women use dating apps (he and I met on bumble) and tried to humiliate me by sexually harassing a young employee of the cafe we were at. (I think the 'looks disparity' between us is localized exclusively in his own brain). He also regurgitated some Redditor rhetoric about how a large amount of rape cases being dismissed = women often lie about rape which I found really repulsive. He went on to say that he has loads and loads of romantic prospects and could walk into town and easily take any woman home to have sex with. I asked why doesn't he do that instead of pursuing me and he told me he 'wants me'.

I have literally no friends and he was the only person in the city who I know who takes me out to do nice things. I feel extremely alone and I regret falling out with him but I can't just let someone treat me however crazy way they want just because they're freaking out about not wanting to get back together and not being in control.

OP posts:
AmberSpy · 23/06/2026 21:28

LovingPeachFatball · 23/06/2026 21:21

Do you really think she couldn't leave if she wanted to? There is literally nothing stopping her.

You sound very ignorant about abusive relationships and how hard it can be to leave them. Really sad that you can't find any compassion for this woman.

whippersnapper55 · 23/06/2026 21:27

LovingPeachFatball · 23/06/2026 21:05

My boyfriend killed himself some years ago, everyone blamed me for it and it spread around the whole town. My boyfriend was one of the very very very few people I exempt from my disdain.

Edited

Seeing this comment explains why you have no friends. You sound like a very unpleasant person.

RampantIvy · 23/06/2026 21:26

The idea of polyamory was suggested to her after she was pregnant, at the end of her childbearing years, and financially dependent on him

If they are ten years older than you that makes her 36, which means she would not be at the end of her child bearing years unless there is a health issue.

Do you really think she couldn't leave if she wanted to? There is literally nothing stopping her

If she is financially dependent on him, as you stated in your OP, then that will be what is stopping her.

You have a very odd outlook on life.

chocoluv · 23/06/2026 21:26

When I told him I briefly saw someone else, I told him he was a teacher

Why are you still talking to him?

You need to find your self respect and stop letting him walk all over you.

Find some friends in real life or join a dating site if you want sex.

Ethelspagetti · 23/06/2026 21:23

titchy · 23/06/2026 20:40

Jesus. Join a club. Park run, gym, art class, cookery, amdram, bookclub, dog walking, WI, church, voluntary work. There has to be a thousand ways to feel less lonely that by letting yourself be abused by a dangerous man.

Agreed. He is not your friend. He is grooming you to be his sex partner. You can make new friends.

Brunchatstephanies · 23/06/2026 21:22

This shit is like 2000 BC without the men having any responsibility for the “wives” this guy is not your friend.

LovingPeachFatball · 23/06/2026 21:21

titchy · 23/06/2026 21:20

Stop victim blaming you nasty piece of work.

You’re the one with the post titled ‘AIBU to regret blocking my only friend.’ Why did you post?

Do you really think she couldn't leave if she wanted to? There is literally nothing stopping her.

OP posts:
SeaLettuces · 23/06/2026 21:21

LovingPeachFatball · 23/06/2026 21:03

None of us stayed in touch as most of us were from all over the country. I did stay in touch with one woman come to think of it, I'll message her now. It is so difficult with my availability as I work every weekend.

Hmm. I went to Oxford too, and while people absolutely were from all over, including international students, it would be very atypical for people not to bond with at least a few people. I don’t currently live in the same country as any of my university friends, but we’re all in touch, visit one another, talk on the phone, message etc.

titchy · 23/06/2026 21:20

LovingPeachFatball · 23/06/2026 21:00

She's choosing this. The only thing stopping her leaving is her own self esteem, not coercion.

Stop victim blaming you nasty piece of work.

You’re the one with the post titled ‘AIBU to regret blocking my only friend.’ Why did you post?

momtoboys · 23/06/2026 21:18

Get them both out of your life and get out and meet new people. ]

LovingPeachFatball · 23/06/2026 21:18

RampantIvy · 23/06/2026 21:17

My boyfriend was one of the very very very few people I exempt from my disdain.

Why do you think that you are better then most people? Perhaps this is why you have no friends?

Quite possibly!

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 23/06/2026 21:17

My boyfriend was one of the very very very few people I exempt from my disdain.

Why do you think that you are better then most people? Perhaps this is why you have no friends?

WarriorN · 23/06/2026 21:17

At your age as a teacher I started joining various activity clubs eg yoga, martial arts etc. I developed life long friendships through those routes. I was also able to throw myself into my career. Holidays were hard but these days there’s loads of holiday clubs looking for staff if want some extra cash.

Eventually I made so many friends that holidays were busy and then met my now husband.

You either need to move city and start a fresh in the same way or basically do the same where you are.

That bloke sounds dangerous and I would speak to the police or someone at women’s aid who may be able to help you work out what may or may not need reporting,

PfizerFan · 23/06/2026 21:16

What in the Elon musk have I just read?

LovingPeachFatball · 23/06/2026 21:14

Darragon · 23/06/2026 21:12

This thread has really attracted the batshit! My advice: Ignore the drama llamas here and IRL OP and make some friends via a hobby. And definitely don’t waste police time, that’s one of the craziest leaps and pile ons I’ve seen all day!
Edited to remove a letter s added by stupid autocorrect, before anyone decides to troll hunt on me next.

Edited

IKR some woman choosing to be in a disaster relationship is not a police matter and acknowledging that she is choosing it is not a ';vile comment' I think a lot of these people think I owe this woman something. I don't.

OP posts:
Hallywally · 23/06/2026 21:13

Why do you want to be friends with someone who is so vile and why do you keep editing your posts?

Cornishclio · 23/06/2026 21:13

God he sounds awful. Surely you can find a better friend than him?

Darragon · 23/06/2026 21:12

This thread has really attracted the batshit! My advice: Ignore the drama llamas here and IRL OP and make some friends via a hobby. And definitely don’t waste police time, that’s one of the craziest leaps and pile ons I’ve seen all day!
Edited to remove a letter s added by stupid autocorrect, before anyone decides to troll hunt on me next.

LovingPeachFatball · 23/06/2026 21:11

Honeyhonay · 23/06/2026 21:11

Why would you work every weekend as a teacher?

Tutoring online. I only teach 2 days per week

OP posts:
Honeyhonay · 23/06/2026 21:11

LovingPeachFatball · 23/06/2026 21:08

Come to think of it, the same day, I think this is all a bit of a hissy fit as I didn't want to jump back into a relationship with him. When I told him I briefly saw someone else, I told him he was a teacher (which is the exact same job as mine) and he said 'what a fucking loser'.

Edited

Why would you work every weekend as a teacher?

Honeyhonay · 23/06/2026 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LovingPeachFatball · 23/06/2026 21:09

chocoluv · 23/06/2026 21:08

You need to find a way to make friends.

This man should be blocked on everything and you’re only contemplating talking to him because you’re lonely.

How old are you?

26 :(

OP posts:
LovingPeachFatball · 23/06/2026 21:08

Come to think of it, the same day, I think this is all a bit of a hissy fit as I didn't want to jump back into a relationship with him. When I told him I briefly saw someone else, I told him he was a teacher (which is the exact same job as mine) and he said 'what a fucking loser'.

OP posts:
chocoluv · 23/06/2026 21:08

LovingPeachFatball · 23/06/2026 21:03

None of us stayed in touch as most of us were from all over the country. I did stay in touch with one woman come to think of it, I'll message her now. It is so difficult with my availability as I work every weekend.

You need to find a way to make friends.

This man should be blocked on everything and you’re only contemplating talking to him because you’re lonely.

How old are you?

MeganM3 · 23/06/2026 21:08

Go back on bumble and go on lots of dates if you’re lonely and want a distraction.
This man sounds horrendous and you don’t miss him, you’re just lonely and bored.