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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sad that Dh can’t make Dd’s show

87 replies

Pretendingtocareaboutthefootball · 23/06/2026 17:54

Dd has a singing, end of year show this week at 10 am, it only lasts around 20 minutes. He says he’s unable to get time off work, Dd is sad and asking him to please come and it just breaks my heart

OP posts:
Nourishinghandcream · 23/06/2026 18:12

What is his job, how far is it from his place of work to the school (i.e. how long will he be absent), how old is DD?
Any event held during the normal working day is going to have a high number of absent parents, maybe this is a good time to teach your DD that she can't always have everything (or everybody) she wants.

Moonnstarz · 23/06/2026 18:09

Not sure what your AIBU is. If he can't get the time off work then he can't. While it might only be a short period of time, if he has to travel to work it could be a couple of hours he misses.

Arlanymor · 23/06/2026 18:08

I'm sure he wants to be there, but sometimes working arrangements just don't permit that kind of flexibility. It sounds like he has tried.

How old is DD? You need to frame it in a way that makes sense to their understanding. "Dad can't come because he needs to go to work - it's unfortunate, but it's his work that lets us do things that go out for ice cream. In fact why don't we go out for ice cream after he has finished work on Friday and then you can give him a private singing show once we get home afterwards?"

Also don't all schools film this type of thing now as well? My goddaughters live in another country and I have sat through enjoyed many a three-hour dance show on the DVD player in my time.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 23/06/2026 18:06

Do you want the list of things I can’t make in the next few weeks?

Would it be nice to go? yes.
Can I go? No.

and that’s life.

VIII · 23/06/2026 18:04

I feel for your poor DH. He would clearly love to be there and now he has everyone in the family all feeling sad and heaping on guilt because he can't.

Unfortunately sometimes you simply cannot get time off. I'm sure he would much rather be attending the performance than at work but that's life.

Floatingdownriver · 23/06/2026 18:02

You signal to her how to respond. Get a grip.

user293948849167 · 23/06/2026 18:02

It the school at fault here.
10am is a daft time for anyone who works 9-5 because it’s too late to just start late and make the time up. 9am or the end of the day would be better.
DH and i wouldn’t be able to guarantee we’d be able to take this off, we would do our best to have at least one of us attending but it would depend what we had on. DHs job especially is less flexible than mine

sprigatito · 23/06/2026 17:58

You’re not unreasonable to be sad about it, but if he genuinely can’t get the time off, then I’d concentrate on being enthusiastic for your DD and playing up how excited you are to be going.

Can he genuinely not get the time off? Or are you hurt because he could, but he doesn’t think it matters?

Sirzy · 23/06/2026 17:57

There will be lots who can’t make it. You need to help her understand that rather than doing anything to feed the upset

BeachTimeIsBliss · 23/06/2026 17:57

Can he attend and use it as his lunch break?

BitOutOfPractice · 23/06/2026 17:56

Well is he in a job that's nearby and easy to get time off for?

steff13 · 23/06/2026 17:55

Do you think that he can get time off work? I personally feel like taking time off to do something for 20 minutes would be a pain but I would probably do it if I could.