Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sad that Dh can’t make Dd’s show

87 replies

Pretendingtocareaboutthefootball · 23/06/2026 17:54

Dd has a singing, end of year show this week at 10 am, it only lasts around 20 minutes. He says he’s unable to get time off work, Dd is sad and asking him to please come and it just breaks my heart

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 23/06/2026 20:57

Carriemac · 23/06/2026 18:35

Bloody school that’s an unreasonable time for anyone with a job

No matter what time of day between 9am & 3pm someone will always miss out due to work

rwalker · 23/06/2026 20:28

Kids take the lead from you it’s just one of those things
but my god it not the big drama it’s being made into
you need to manage her expectations better

TY78910 · 23/06/2026 20:21

Pretendingtocareaboutthefootball · 23/06/2026 18:26

She’s 8

Explain to her he would really love to be there but needs to go to work but you will film it for him and you can all watch back together when he’s home x

Sesquioxides · 23/06/2026 20:21

I work in the same school as my DCs and still couldn’t get time off my job to attend their end of year assembly where they were singing this year. DH has never been to a single school thing for them as he teaches across town. Life goes on. You’re setting your daughter up for disappointment if she expects both parents to be at everything she ever does and at eight she is more than old enough to accept this gracefully.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/06/2026 20:20

So would you like to answer the questions @Pretendingtocareaboutthefootball about whether he has the kind of job that’s local and flexible enough to get the time off?

also yes you set the tone with DD’s reaction with your own. I’d be jolly and say you’ll film it for daddy for her to show him later.

PurpleLovecats · 23/06/2026 20:19

It’s really hard, my DH or I missed things with ours growing up due to work commitments. But one of you will be there which is fab!

ShishKofte · 23/06/2026 20:16

Count your blessings - she will have you there.
Which makes her luckier than some of her peers will be.

I'd assume the teachers in the assembly hall don't get to bunk off for an hour to watch their kids perform.

Feel your feelings about it for sure, but don't share them with your DD.

stichguru · 23/06/2026 20:03

You're not unreasonable to be sad about it, but it's just life unfortunately.

HortiGal · 23/06/2026 19:07

Breaks your heart? that’ll be miss a 20 min school thingy?
You're being very dramatic and you really need toughen up
and be sensible.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 23/06/2026 18:57

Don’t make him feel bad. I always tried to get time off but I said i might not be able to and that’s fine. It’s not fair for you to do that. 10am is a tricky time to come out of work for 20 mins

whippersnapper55 · 23/06/2026 18:54

My DH didn't attend a lot of daytime things because of work. It's sad but it's just the way it is sometimes. Can you record it for him?

usererror99 · 23/06/2026 18:49

does his job pay the bills and enable you to have a more flexible (lower paid) job or not work at all so you can be around for these events? If so maybe you should try swapping with him

Carriemac · 23/06/2026 18:35

Bloody school that’s an unreasonable time for anyone with a job

IglesiasPiggl · 23/06/2026 18:34

Your DD has a show and her mum is coming to watch. I really wouldn't set the expectation that both parents will be able to come to this type of stuff. Divide and conquer.

ofcolitas · 23/06/2026 18:34

Lol I expect he's busy working to keep a roof over your heads.

Both parents don't need to attend these events. One is enough.

Whaleandsnail6 · 23/06/2026 18:33

Such is life.

There will be plenty of parents who have to miss it due to work/commitment.... I've been one of them in the past.

At least dd has one parent there, get her to practice for dad the night before or after the show.

Skybluepinky · 23/06/2026 18:31

Not many jobs would allow you to take time off for this, no idea why you think he should.

ginasevern · 23/06/2026 18:28

@Pretendingtocareaboutthefootball Assuming he really can't just "nip out" of work for 20 minutes (and having worked my entire life and been a single parent I know how bloody difficult that can be) then I think you should be teaching your DD to manage her expectations. Life doesn't always (if ever) go the way you want it and money must be earned. It's not as if neither of you can attend! It was usually only my mum that came to school concerts etc because Daddy was at work, and I understood that. Don't add to her upset with unrealistic ideas.

Saltysweetspicy · 23/06/2026 18:28

Well in your opinion could he get it off or not? if he can't then he can't, don't make him feel bad about it!

Original poster
Pretendingtocareaboutthefootball · 23/06/2026 18:26

She’s 8

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 23/06/2026 18:22

How old is your daughter?

You need to help her understand that being an adult means doing what you have to, work do you have a roof over your head and food on the table, rather than what you'd like to do.

I don't know a lot of jobs where people can just up and leave to watch a school thing for their kid unless it's their day off.

Ladybyrd · 23/06/2026 18:18

Unfortunately, it happens. We do our best but my partner is self employed. With two small school aged kids there’s always something. We prioritise getting them to their friends parties because I think their socialisation is really important. Shows at school it’s usually just me who goes.

Coconutter24 · 23/06/2026 18:15

If he has to work he has to work. Yeh it’s disappointing but it’s not really heartbreaking stuff

StarPyjamas · 23/06/2026 18:15

Age is pretty relevant here OP.

Also, your DD is sad, your heart is breaking but how does your DH feel?

You haven't said?

somanychristmaslights · 23/06/2026 18:13

My DS had sports day this week. Neither me or DH could go as both working and can’t get time off that easily. Tell her you’ll record it for him