Sad that Dh can’t make Dd’s show

But that's completely unrelated to your DD and how she feels. Don't mix them up and push your feelings about DH not going onto her, that's really unfair.

Sad, fuck me.

For someone who's not a hater........

@Shelleyblueeyes I'm not a hater. You implied we should all attend these events (that my adult children don't give a stuff about but do remember our family holidays, days out etc) because they are more important than money. You didn't mention that doctors, nurses, midwives, police, firefighters, prison workers, bus drivers, train drivers, teachers, members of the military (and probably lots of others) can't just take time off when it suits them and they aren't just making money for big companies. Where possible it is nice for a parent to attend school events but schools don't make it easy - there are many weeks of school holidays which parents use their annual leave to cover which probably feels more important than a concert.... Oh and 'this is just my opinion which I believe is the point of MN'....

Yes this ffs

Is it actually possible for him to take the time off work?
One solution could be he takes annual leave and then you have lunch out together

Yep. I knew I'd get haters.
It's another perspective that won't suit everyone but the point is they are only young for a short time and it it's at all possible (might not be if you're a surgeon) if it's possible you should move heaven and earth to attend.
Also luckily enough schools tend to give these dates well in advance to allow parents to book time off.

This is just my opinion which I believe is the point of MN.
X

@Shelleyblueeyes my husband couldn't attend most school things - the patients in his operating theatre might not have been happy if he'd just popped out because a school concert of 20 minutes was much more important than them! Oh, and that company he worked for (the NHS) kept a roof over our heads, food on the table and meant we could have quality time as a family.(I was self employed so went to everything on behalf of us both.) Quality time spent as a family is way more important than a school concert.

My kids are a lot older.

Can I please give a little bit of advice to you youngies with primary age kids.

Time flies. They are young for such a short amount of time.

Take some time off work to go to these events there are probably about 4 per year.
Is your company going to collapse if you take one hour off to attend something way more important to your own DC than making some money for the company you work for?
X

I work in early years and not every child has a parent at every event.

dh never made it to many events at school as he had to work and was working all over Scotland, so it was impossible . He was the breadwinner when our children were younger so his work was extremely important.

Depending on location of school and work he could be needing to use up half a day’s leave.
If he wfh near school it’s still going to be an hour. Sometimes it’s possible to take lunch early but if he’s got a meeting etc not possible. There’s only so much goodwill personally I’d save it for a time when you can’t go or a bigger event like yr6 leaving assembly.

You haven't actually said if he can't actually get time off work or if he's choosing not to. There's a difference. Or if he could in theory but in reality it would be a massive pain in the arse resulting in stressful catching up or losing a full day's holiday later in the year. I
You can't make him feel bad about it if he doesn't have a choice.

I don’t understand why you hate going on your own? Parents who can go will literally dash in, watch show and clap and dash off to work. Some kids will have no one there, some will have sent grandma etc. I think you’d be unusual having mum and dad there.

I think one parent there for an 8 yr old singing is enough. I wouldn’t dwell on it. I’d just be breezy and matter of fact. Dad’s at work but it’s lucky I can get time off to watch you. There will be plenty of other events he can go to.

She’s 8. There are going to be loads of concerts, sports events and meetings that both parents can’t attend. Is really rare we both attended school stuff- we just took it in turns.

you’re making this into a much better deal than it is.

Do you think he can't get the time off or do you think he doesn't want to go?

Can he not work over and make up the time?

It’s only 20 minutes, you’re there to support your daughter, you’ll be fine.

I'm not sure many events like this are much fun for the adults tbh. If it helps, I bet you won't be the only solo parent there. Plaster on a smile and do it for your dc.

The more events you go to, the more chance you'll start to recognise other parents to chat with.

What makes you anxious about it? It's not a long thing - just show up, clap, go home. I think if you aren't working then these sorts of things are mostly going to default to you - haven't you been to other things before now? P1 was endless with it - nativity and singing and assembly and visit the class day and on and on.

our school always is asking us to come in - family phonics, teddy bears picnic, easter egg hunt, sports day, end of year shows etc etc etc cant do them all! sometimes one of us comes sometimes neither of us

we've never both made it!

we have always just explained why this is and that sometimes mammy can come and sometimes daddy and sometimes we just can't unfortunately!

She sees that not everyones parents are there too so she seems to get it (she's 5)

I think it's very unreasonable for you to make a big fuss about this. Work > 10 minutes of group singing. There are going to be endless situations where someone can't go to a child's event because of work - if you're there, your child is already ahead of many others.

My husband and I work full-time so we don't always make it to everything. We try to take turns to cover most things, but sometimes we just can't make it work. We almost never 'both' attend something as we'd quickly run out of leave / our workplaces' patience / ability to reschedule everything... etc.

We only ever have one family member attend these kind of things. Me, or DH, or grandma + grandpa if they are in town, or auntie if she’s in town etc.

But I have 3 DC so there is no way we could all be at everything.

Weddings, graduations, big sporting grand finals, and birthdays are the only things that we’ll all attend I think.

Most schools allow this, they just say don’t post on SM and only show to your family.

I recently lost a close family member and it was beautiful watching back his old school performances. Stop judging, you never know when someone would cherish watching back on memories.

I film my DDs performances for DH because he too can’t make most of them. I don’t have my head stuck in my phone, I know it’s hard to envision, but is entirely possible to press record on a phone and look at a stage directly with your head next to the camera.