He said he didn't want a meal then made himself something I don't eat

Also agree, plus all the posts calling him selfish...

He was doing the shop! In the heat! If she was so bothered she could have gone herself!

He may not have realised why the request for a sandwich. She asked for something, he got it, but he was also supposed to magically know she didn't want the thing she had in fact asked for.

That is controlling!

Prawn opportunity!

Very selfish of him. But a lot of people aren't very considerate these days, and wouldn't see anything wrong with this, as evidenced by many of the responses. It's a minor thing, admittedly, but don't people realise it's the small things that are actually the big things? Little acts of thoughtfulness, thinking of your partner and how they might feel. Hopefully it was a one-off and he's normally very thoughtful.

Then she should have been a big girl and said no I did 17k steps today and am starving so I’m going to cook something, you have whatever you want - he probably thought it as a casual conversation and not - shock horror - the end of the world when he changed his mind. She had to have a sandwich, someone call the UN for the contravention of her human rights asap 🫠

He just wanted to sort himself out and not bother about you. Miserable bastard. I would be pissed off in this scenario too.

She says she wanted a real meal but he didn’t want to use a cooker. It doesn’t matter where he was when he changed his mind, it’s beyond irrelevant, if he changed his mind at home should he tell her? And as for the there is plenty of other cold choices etc - SHE DIDNT WANT TO EAT COLD MEAL, she wanted a cooked meal after doing 17000 steps in the heat and probably starving. I guess he realised he was a lot hungrier than he thought when he got to the supermarket but it didn’t occur to him that it might be the case for her too. Honestly how do people not think it was inconsiderate is beyond me.

But why? Surely you would communicate with your partner and say, yes it's hot but actually I have done a lot of steps today/been working out and need something more.
It sounds like they lack any communication between them. Why should he have a greater say based on your response of she doesn't want to override him. He's not the boss of her!

Who only have a sandwich if you’ve done loads of steps and are hungry? . You could have asked to DP to pick you up something tastier and more substantial

Jesus are people not allowed to err at all?? It’s one meal, on one day, these types of responses are insane

He specifically said he didn't want the heat of cooking in their home. It would have been selfish and unkind to overrule him and insist on a cooked meal. OP clearly isn't a selfish and unkind person but DP clearly is

I mean there were other options other than a sandwich for a cold dinner. You didn’t have to settle for a sandwich, do want you next time rather than making a choice that you don’t want

But he didn't choose this until at the supermarket so as far as he is concerned she has chosen. He probably didn't even know til he got there and spotted the stir fry and prawns that he wanted that (there are plenty of times I don't know what I want til I go and have a look). Maybe they should have gone to the shop together or she should have gone alone instead and asked him what he wanted.

Also editing to add, he doesn't know she only said sandwich to appease him. Why should he need to second guess what she said and not be able to take it at face value. If someone says they want a sandwich would you then go on at them. She is a grown adult and should have spoken out and said she would cook for herself in that case and asked for what she wanted.

I get it but I don't think this is entirely on him.

He told you beforehand that he only fancied a salad because of the heat, and based on that you decided you did want to cook either, so went with a sandwich (Presuming he didn't say you also couldn't cook.)

He changed his mind - not unreasonable, in fact the shopper's perogative as the one who went to get what had me added for.

I suppose you could say he messed up by not giving you a quick call or text to ask if you'd like something different too. But he got what you wanted and if he changed his mind on what he was having because he likes prawns and you dont - so saw a perfect opportunity to have some - while you also got to eat what you asked for.

Lets be honrst it's probably reasonable he thought you didn't want to cook and wanted a sandwich, considering you said you didn't want to cook and wanted a sandwich.

And to be fair to you In 37-degree heat, it's hardly unusual for people to be a bit indecisive or irritable. I'd be mildly irritated at the lack of communication, but not furious.

You know when people say if it wont matter in 5 years don’t spend more than 5 minutes thinking about it now? Made for completely minor irritations such as this. Nobody is perfect and completely selfless and thoughtful of others 100% of the time, my husband isn’t and I’m certainly not, let it goooo

But why couldn't she say well actually I am rather hungry so if you don't want to cook then that's fine, but I will cook for myself. Can you get me xyz please.

It seems silly to think he should read her mind. I would be annoyed if my partner questioned my choices and said you only want a sandwich (as if I said that is what I want, then that would be what I want!).

It sounds like poor communication on her part to not say what she wanted. Not sure why there is so much anger at her partner.

But the OP had just told him she wanted a sandwich so why would he cook for her?! He did exactly what she asked.

I don’t see how this requires any mind reading at all. Simple ‘actually I’m going to use a cooker tonight, I’m thinking stir fry. Anything for you I should get?’ Would be enough. It’s a common courtesy really. She was having a sandwich to appease him and his idea of not adding the heat to the house. I would be fuming if my husband did this. But I know he wouldn’t.

Yanbu.

The thing is that because he said he didn't want any cooking creating heat, you opted for a simple sandwich for supper. That wasn't your actual choice but you did it for him. Cooking for himself after that was a shit thing to do.

DP doesn't eat prawns. If I fancy a prawn stirfry we do the veg, noodles and sauce jn the big pan and I use a little frying pan to do some prawns separately and DP does something different (usually Goyozas)

Your DP is a shitstain @Abbyarn . Get rid.

I think your chap missed the code and just took your words at face value. It could be a learning point for your relationship if you chat about it in an undefended way - ‘When you did X, this was the impact on me and this was the story that I was telling myself about what was going on…’

Also I think Prawn Opportunity should be a band name.

Order a takeaway for yourself.

We will do separate meals if we want something different (and having kids sometimes that will mean 4 different meals so everyone has something they want!)

Order a takeaway just for you.

I’ve just made myself a jacket potatoe and I’m having it with a salad. DH has just eaten chicken and pasta, nothing weird or selfish about this.

So he cooked just for himself? How selfish. I only ever read about that on here . Did he not even think to make you some without any prawns? I would be so put off him for being so selfish

Okay, you don’t like prawns, but couldn’t you have eaten some of the rest of the stir fry?

If only to impress upon him that cooking for one without offering is selfish.