To cancel date over his ‘joke’?

The guy put his foot in it with a joke. Maybe he felt a more risque (or risky!) joke was acceptable, if things had proceeded to the stage of physical intimacy?

Whatever, I'm sure he wasn't trying to be misogynistic or derogatory to OP whom he clearly likes.

Equally there was nothing misogynistic about my response. It was not even directed at OP, but just asking question in the sense of being devils advocate.

Maybe its just me but I have always found physical intimacy (or any kind) to be a big deal and of significance, not a throwaway thing.

The older I get, I have come to realise not everyone thinks that, which I think is horribly fascinating, and explains so much about disagreements I have had about morality etc.

Hi, im amazed / shocked you think this opinion could be 'dangerous'.

I know everyone is different, but I think I am on fairly solid ground by saying most people would consider a higher level of intimacy would be required for - & is implied by - sexual intercourse, than simply to share a crude joke.

Most people tend to put their best foot forward (so to speak) so relatively early in a relationship, regardless whether they've shagged or not. If this is him putting his best foot forward, imagine what he'd be like a few years down the line...

Having sex once doesn't mean that that's it, you've reached the pinnacle of intimacy, there is obviously a world of difference between people who have only slept together once and known each other a short time versus people who have built an intimate connection through repeated intimate interactions.

It's just weird and not in line with human behaviour to think that it's not possible to be 'overly familiar' with someone you have previously slept with.

It's also a very dangerous attitude that you hold, to assume and decide you are more familiar than you actually are just because someone slept with you once, that can lead to people not respecting other peoples boundaries (because they haven't learned what they are) or issues with consent.

In this case it may just have been a joke/comment but the attitude itself is dangerous to assume that being overly familiar isn't possible once you've slept with someone.

@ByKeenCoralMember
Please tell me you’ve never said anything that grim to a woman?

If you have, you’ve got to learn from this thread, otherwise you’re setting yourself up for serious disappointment.

So you’re a man, and one that needs a woman to show you how to behave? Are you not a bit embarrassed by that?

That is grim.
Personally I could never get passed that.

Sorry darling, I have been with my DH for 28 years and I didn’t need to ‘mould’ him- he was already a fully fledged, civilised man when I met him, despite being only 23. If he wasn’t, I wouldn’t have married him. He also had an excellent sense of humour, which was very attractive to me.

Fazed, not phased btw.

Loads of us do not find it funny.

It is a red flag for me (and many others).

No wonder there's a 'male loneliness crisis' that they don't stop moaning about considering they make offensive jokes and think women should be ok with it.

Exactly, so it's not really the case then at all that there is a clear difference in the severity required before a man will burn someone. Both men and woman are likely to do the same.

It's not harsh, if someone has the ick they have the ick, they don't owe the other person anything if they no longer want to continue dating them and it's not harsh to call time on something when you know it won't go anywhere, it's actually the best thing to do.

She got to know his sense of humour and didn't like it.

Is there anything that men will take responsibility for? Or are women to blame for literally everything a man does?

Ah OK then. It's a woman's own fault if a man insults her genitalia, she clearly hasn't 'moulded' him correctly! Jeez.

BTW I've been married for 23 years and would not be remotely happy if DH joked about me having a 'whiffy growler'. And I'm anything but prim/uptight.

Its funny - come on! He would probably be mortified if he knew it landed this badly. He obviously doesn't mean it - he's making a joke. I have two brothers - maybe this makes a difference? Red flags are dishonesty, being unkind to children and waiting staff or stealing all your money - not this??

It has been mentioned here that the OP has slept with this man. With that in mind, maybe it is not intended as a joke and the guy is talking from lived experience. Think of it as a request or prompt😂

Who’s angry? I wouldn’t be inclined to waste the energy required for anger when simply dismissing such a man is perfectly effective. Someone who so casually and conversationally uses such rough language isn’t the type of person I have any interest in, our values being so very different.

And lonely? I’ve been married for a decade. Believe it or not we’re not all so limited in options that we have to choose between a rough man and no man.

Infinitely preferable to being in a relationship with such a man.

So much whining about women having standards. Perhaps rather than look to women to lower theirs, you can instead raise your own.

I am very pleased when I hear women are not lowering their bar

the bar is so low now on what is a good guy its time this changed and that will have to come from women not just expecting higher standards but only accepting high standards

shame that its women's behaviour that is leading the change

You’re not wrong @ByKeenCoralMember. No wonder so many women choose to stay single when there are so many disappointing men about!

Yuk. Depending on how much you like him and other behaviours I’d probably decide based on that for one more chance or absolutely not. Only you can know which one but the red flag would be at least at half mast now ….