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AIBU?

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Original poster

To cancel date over his ‘joke’?

838 replies

Datingwoee · 23/06/2026 15:52

5th date tomorrow night with a man who has been great up to now. I’ve had to push the time back by an hour - said I’ll need extra time to freshen up after work. His reply to me was: “No worries, can’t be having a whiffy growler lol”.

Is that date cancelling worthy or am I being a bit too harsh?

OP posts:
NotaHoooo · 23/06/2026 20:59

If i took mumsnet dating advice i would be single forever and never have sex.
Bloody hell some on hear need to get of their high horse and take a joke.

Eachstepatatime · 23/06/2026 20:59

I love a man that makes me laugh. This comment would be a deal breaker for me only because It would stick in my mind he actually thought like that 😳

TheWeeDonkeyFella · 23/06/2026 20:59

nocoolnamesleft · 23/06/2026 20:03

Total ick. Though I did once cause much amusement, in a rural Wisconsin drinking establishment, by pointing out that in British English the poster advising "Grab a growler!" was advocating sexual assault, not suggesting buying a small keg of beer to take away.

Round my way, a growler is a pie so I'd have thought that's what the pub poster meant! (never heard the vulgar reference until this thread).

Thepeopleversuswork · 23/06/2026 20:57

Winterpeach · 23/06/2026 20:49

I would as im not clenched up.
I like a humor and a laugh.
Tbh it is funny.

Show quote history

I’m not “clenched up” either and most people “like a laugh”. I just don’t think its funny.

You can get away with a dirty joke with someone you know really well, or if it’s genuinely funny.

A tired stereotype about a vagina, delivered to someone who you don’t know well but have had sex with is puerile and disrespectful.

Cloudconfusion · 23/06/2026 20:57

Bigreddog25 · 23/06/2026 20:55

When people say 'freshen up' that always makes me think theyre talking about washing their bits 🤣 i dont know why! But it makes me hate it when people use that phrase. Maybe he sees it the same way 🤣

But yea- pretty gross to say that tbh. I'd be put off.

Edited
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what ? Who says that, I’m off to freshen uo meaning I’m off to wash my fanny??

chocoluv · 23/06/2026 20:57

Cloudconfusion · 23/06/2026 20:19

I’m not sure, if you think a man you’ve had four dates with calling your genitalia your growler is funny I’d think that’s fair low standards.

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So it’s just the fact he called it a growler that was your issue?

Lots of people use funny names for genitalia.
It’s to show it’s just a joke.

Waitingfordoggo · 23/06/2026 20:56

Valpolichella · 23/06/2026 19:13

Well, he’s not wrong, I wouldn’t go anywhere near whiffy genitals? But surely, that’s a given? It is an utterly inappropriate thing to say to someone you barely know, I too would get the ick. And ditch. It’s….too much too soon.

None of us want to go near smelly genitals, that’s obvious. I think everyone can assume the OP is an adult woman who knows how to manage her own hygiene.

Bigreddog25 · 23/06/2026 20:55

Datingwoee · 23/06/2026 15:52

5th date tomorrow night with a man who has been great up to now. I’ve had to push the time back by an hour - said I’ll need extra time to freshen up after work. His reply to me was: “No worries, can’t be having a whiffy growler lol”.

Is that date cancelling worthy or am I being a bit too harsh?

When people say 'freshen up' that always makes me think theyre talking about washing their bits 🤣 i dont know why! But it makes me hate it when people use that phrase. Maybe he sees it the same way 🤣

But yea- pretty gross to say that tbh. I'd be put off.

Dryrobe45 · 23/06/2026 20:55

BillieWiper · 23/06/2026 15:59

That is rank. I mean if you'd been having really dirty scatalogical 'banter' up until then and you'd been talking about him not having a smeggy cock then I guess?!

But otherwise yeah I'd say sayonara to that one.

I was going to say the exact same. If, during your other dates, you’ve both been using g this kind of language (and therefore he thought it was appropriate based on your other chats) then crack on. If his ‘joke’ is totally out of the blue, then I’d cancel the date. It would give me the ick.

Oohanothername · 23/06/2026 20:52

Winterpeach · 23/06/2026 20:46

I feel like im the only one that laughed out loud at the joke.😆

No, you're not. I did too. And my husband did. And my mate 🤣 Men ARE juvenile and a bit daft. It's a daft comment. Not a hanging offence

MyLimeGuide · 23/06/2026 20:52

CopeNorth · 23/06/2026 20:37

Are you dating one of the Inbetweeners?

Haha yes! JAY!!😍

Ineedcoffee28 · 23/06/2026 20:51

Thepeopleversuswork · 23/06/2026 20:29

Seriously?

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If it was only meant as a joke then i would probably share similar humour.

Winterpeach · 23/06/2026 20:49

Thepeopleversuswork · 23/06/2026 20:29

Seriously?

Show quote history

I would as im not clenched up.
I like a humor and a laugh.
Tbh it is funny.

CurlewKate · 23/06/2026 20:49

Winterpeach · 23/06/2026 20:46

I feel like im the only one that laughed out loud at the joke.😆

Why was it funny?

Winterpeach · 23/06/2026 20:46

I feel like im the only one that laughed out loud at the joke.😆

SerafinasGoose · 23/06/2026 20:42

CurlewKate · 23/06/2026 20:39

Seriously? Convulse with laughter?? Is it the word “growler”? The mention of smelliness? What?

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It's the word 'growler'. Since you ask. Childish and crude. My friend and I can be like that, between ourselves and without directing it at others, because we both have a barbed sense of the ridiculous. And I'm not apologising for it.

Incidentally I'm well aware this wasn't an actual question.

CurlewKate · 23/06/2026 20:39

SerafinasGoose · 23/06/2026 20:36

If my best mate said this, I'd convulse with laughter. A bloke on a fifth date?Absolutely not.

Context is everything. It's the effrontery aside from the misogyny toward a woman he doesn't even know. What led to his assumption that he's geting anywhere near your growler?

Begone, nasty sexist incel.

Edited

Seriously? Convulse with laughter?? Is it the word “growler”? The mention of smelliness? What?

SerafinasGoose · 23/06/2026 20:38

Creesla · 23/06/2026 20:35

Op, lovely people use off colour and offensive humour. They can learn! What if you told him you get the ick with crude language and he hears that and learns from it? We are all so quick to judge someone on their worst moment and box them off.
Rather than ignoring all of his nicer attributes, let him know what you think. He could be a great guy based on everything else you said.

It's a fifth date. She doesn't even know him, so it's hardly worthy of investment at this stage.

Why is this dickish male a woman's problem to educate and sort out?

Cloudconfusion · 23/06/2026 20:37

UncannyFanny · 23/06/2026 20:35

You can spot the single people on these threads a mile off

In what way, those who object are single or those who like this are single?

im in object category, im happily married. The op objects, she’s single. So how do you spot it?

ZenGarden89 · 23/06/2026 20:37

That’s beyond ick.

CopeNorth · 23/06/2026 20:37

Are you dating one of the Inbetweeners?

SerafinasGoose · 23/06/2026 20:36

If my best mate said this, I'd convulse with laughter. A bloke on a fifth date?Absolutely not.

Context is everything. It's the effrontery aside from the misogyny toward a woman he doesn't even know. What led to his assumption that he's geting anywhere near your growler?

Begone, nasty sexist incel.

Creesla · 23/06/2026 20:35

Op, lovely people use off colour and offensive humour. They can learn! What if you told him you get the ick with crude language and he hears that and learns from it? We are all so quick to judge someone on their worst moment and box them off.
Rather than ignoring all of his nicer attributes, let him know what you think. He could be a great guy based on everything else you said.

UncannyFanny · 23/06/2026 20:35

You can spot the single people on these threads a mile off

Ethelspagetti · 23/06/2026 20:33

Ew that’s gross 🤮