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Original poster

To cancel date over his ‘joke’?

838 replies

Datingwoee · 23/06/2026 15:52

5th date tomorrow night with a man who has been great up to now. I’ve had to push the time back by an hour - said I’ll need extra time to freshen up after work. His reply to me was: “No worries, can’t be having a whiffy growler lol”.

Is that date cancelling worthy or am I being a bit too harsh?

OP posts:
Coffeeonloop · 24/06/2026 07:54

Waitingfordoggo · 24/06/2026 07:41

@Coffeeonloop I understand what you’re saying, but the phrase ‘what did you expect?’ sounds quite a lot like attempting to shame a woman for sleeping with someone she hasn’t known very long. I think it’s ok to expect men to be civil and respectful. That is the bar that’s being set. The fact that many men can’t meet it is a shame but not women’s fault.

It was a genuine question actually, not a bait.

RumpleDumple · 24/06/2026 07:47

He's showing you now who he really is. It will never get better, only worse. Cancel and bloke

Waitingfordoggo · 24/06/2026 07:41

@Coffeeonloop I understand what you’re saying, but the phrase ‘what did you expect?’ sounds quite a lot like attempting to shame a woman for sleeping with someone she hasn’t known very long. I think it’s ok to expect men to be civil and respectful. That is the bar that’s being set. The fact that many men can’t meet it is a shame but not women’s fault.

FigTreeInEurope · 24/06/2026 07:26

Women are more vulnerable in a new sexual relationship than men, for a multitude of reasons. This comment shows on some level he is inappropriately oblivious to this.

Coffeeonloop · 24/06/2026 07:23

Waitingfordoggo · 24/06/2026 07:12

Bizarre logic. No, I wouldn’t expect a man to use cringey, coarse language just because I’ve slept with him.

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No, not bizarre at all. If you don't know someone you can't "expect" anything from them, because you have no basis for knowing they're a decent human.

Anyone who assumes everyone is decent first and foremost, is at best naive and at worst, a moron.

shhblackbag · 24/06/2026 07:15

Waitingfordoggo · 24/06/2026 07:12

Bizarre logic. No, I wouldn’t expect a man to use cringey, coarse language just because I’ve slept with him.

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Absolutely agree.

shhblackbag · 24/06/2026 07:14

outerspacepotato · 23/06/2026 16:01

Ick.

If what he said is what I think he said, he can fuck right off.

Yep.

SouthLondonMum22 · 24/06/2026 07:13

Coffeeonloop · 24/06/2026 07:11

I am not.
I am saying - if you don't know someone don't sleep with them

or

if you sleep with someone you don't really know, don't expect them to be a prince.

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Or men can just not say things like that in the first place.

Waitingfordoggo · 24/06/2026 07:12

Coffeeonloop · 24/06/2026 06:25

If you've slept with him, he is going to assume a level of intimacy that allows this kind of comment. If he's put his penis in you, it seems ok for him to talk about your vagina.

In the most simplistic of terms.

What were you expecting?

Bizarre logic. No, I wouldn’t expect a man to use cringey, coarse language just because I’ve slept with him.

Coffeeonloop · 24/06/2026 07:11

SouthLondonMum22 · 24/06/2026 07:09

Why are you blaming a woman for what a man said?

Show quote history

I am not.
I am saying - if you don't know someone don't sleep with them

or

if you sleep with someone you don't really know, don't expect them to be a prince.

SouthLondonMum22 · 24/06/2026 07:09

Coffeeonloop · 24/06/2026 07:03

No I'm suggesting you get to know someone a bit before sleeping with them, so when they say something like this to you, its not a shock.

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Why are you blaming a woman for what a man said?

Coffeeonloop · 24/06/2026 07:03

UhOhRatPoo · 24/06/2026 06:51

Are you genuinely suggesting that when after a woman sleeps with a man he has the right to talk to her however he wants? Christ.

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No I'm suggesting you get to know someone a bit before sleeping with them, so when they say something like this to you, its not a shock.

Iaeve · 24/06/2026 06:59

Instant dump

WorldCupWillie · 24/06/2026 06:52

shuggles · 23/06/2026 18:51

@Datingwoee It's a crass joke, but is it worth ditching someone over this?

There are loads of men who do things a lot worse than this, and yet, their partners don't break up with them.

Is this not a situation in which you can say you didn't like the joke because of X, and then move on?

They probably do worse stuff than this because they got away with early low level bad behaviour and the women were boiling 🐸 🐸 🐸 🐸 🐸

UhOhRatPoo · 24/06/2026 06:51

Coffeeonloop · 24/06/2026 06:25

If you've slept with him, he is going to assume a level of intimacy that allows this kind of comment. If he's put his penis in you, it seems ok for him to talk about your vagina.

In the most simplistic of terms.

What were you expecting?

Are you genuinely suggesting that when after a woman sleeps with a man he has the right to talk to her however he wants? Christ.

BiteSizedLife · 24/06/2026 06:37

Is he Jay from the inbetweeners?

I would cancel, I'd be more annoyed that I wasted the time on five dates with this looser before knowing he was one.

Coffeeonloop · 24/06/2026 06:25

If you've slept with him, he is going to assume a level of intimacy that allows this kind of comment. If he's put his penis in you, it seems ok for him to talk about your vagina.

In the most simplistic of terms.

What were you expecting?

raspberryrisotto · 24/06/2026 05:54

Datingwoee · 23/06/2026 17:01

Yeah after our last date. I’ve definitely got the ick now.

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Did you go?

Blodyneighbour · 24/06/2026 05:42

Immature prick. And ro call it a growler. Instant ick.

Dastardly2026 · 24/06/2026 04:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Firefly1987 · 24/06/2026 01:54

It's gross but I can kind of see why his mind went there. I hate the phrase "freshen up" and have only ever heard it in American dramas.

VoReason · 24/06/2026 01:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

echt · 24/06/2026 00:49

shuggles · 23/06/2026 23:27

@InterIgnis A comment you dislike it not the same thing as a comment that is unacceptable to the point of no return.

Unacceptable to the point of no return?

I really wish you could hear the things that men, women, employers, and colleagues have said to me in the past. It seems like it would be far too extreme for you to bear.

God, the "six of the best made a man of me" argument.

Oh, wait.

Itsahardnockslife · 24/06/2026 00:49

TrishM80 · 24/06/2026 00:06

I can't believe the amount of people who've said they laughed at reading that comment.

It's not even remotely funny.

Indeed, some women sadly cannot accept that these hideous comments are in no way representative of a man whom has respect first and foremost in his mind? Ladies, please give such crass behaviour a wide swerve? You'll maybe one day think you had a narrow escape... ❤️

InterIgnis · 24/06/2026 00:43

shuggles · 24/06/2026 00:36

If that comment is unnacceptable, then why are the countless men who say and do the most horrific things considered appropriate for relationships?

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Because they’re in relationships with women that are willing to accept it. The women that aren’t willing to are not in relationships with those men.

I’m not sure why this is difficult for you to grasp.