To cancel date over his ‘joke’?

I almost feel sorry for people with such a low bar.

This is what would bother me. She's consented previously. Still doesn't mean that she will again, or that he has an automatic right to assume so.

This, far more than the rather silly word of 'growler' is what would send me running for the hills. The stuff about women's genitalia stinking is also classic misogyny and what men say to women when they want to put them down. I'd take that as a warning sign.

At the Intrepid museum in NYC, there was a submarine called 'Growler'. Evidently this doesn't translate the same way in US slang. And, yes, DH (partner of 28 years) and I made a few silly jokes about the name. If, however, he'd commented on the hygiene status of mine personally then we'd have had a serious conversation.

It is. That's its very definition (unlike the MN interpretation of 'making up stories').

I have the sense of humour of a 13 year old boy usually, but this is truly vulgar. It implies that he was expecting sex, and wants you to be 'fresh' for him. Yuck in at least three languages.

I personally don't find it funny, but not overly offended. I might have a word to say could he refrain from similar 'jokes' in the future.

However, if it has given you the ick, and you find it offensive, that is what is most important. It is early on in the relationship, and if this is something you would struggle to forget, don't invest anymore time in him and move on!

That crude comment is truly thick and infantile
and not my kind of humour at all.

I don’t really know what you mean @Coffeeonloop. Maybe because I haven’t seen fight club.

You know full well what that phrase implies.

’Oh, I’ve been out in the sun all day without SPF, and now I’m sunburnt’

‘Well what did you expect?’

(Aka, you brought this on yourself)

I mean, if you had texted him "yeah you'll need a shower for that stinky dick cheese" he wouldn't like it.
So why make gross comments about women's bodies to you? It's disrespectful.

Well there you go then, he’s expecting sex again and assuming you mean you’re going home to freshen up for sex so probably thinks that’s what you were saying so in his view they were your words not his.

At Least you know how he thinks now.

It will bob up as a screen handle at some near-future point, I guarantee it.

Exactly this! The growler comment says to me 'presumed access'.

Whereas a similar daft joke coming from a friend, would not.

Context seems to be rather escaping some people here.

For God's sake thought this was the update! 😂 hope it's not a troll post.

And its always a guy in a random situation saying a grim thing. There was the waiter, the gym and the car park all in the last week.

Did you mean to sound so rude?

Update?

Dump. He's hidden his infantile sense of "humour" well so far but is now showing the real him and testing how far he can go. Says a lot that hes also started this after you've slept together. 100% bet also that when you cancel the date he's the type to respond angrily- be prepared for lines such as "I've done nothing wrong! Can't you take a joke?!! You're too uptight!!", maybe a few stock insults if he's really that immature 🥱

Maybe suitable on a building site to your work mates (big maybe) but not to the woman you are seeing.

I would be cancelling and telling him why.
We shouldn’t be having to teach men how to communicate appropriately but I would like to think that I’m helping his next date by pointing out why it’s unacceptable to speak like that.

Exactly. I said earlier in the thread that I have never got why women sleep with a man so early on in the relationship. The OP can't have been with him more than a week or two. I've had milk in my fridge longer than that. I don't care if I sound like a prude, no way would I be getting intimate with a man 3-4 dates in. I honestly don't think the man will like you any more.

Yes I know lots of women like sex and we should be entitled to shag around like men do la la la, but the fact is that even in the 2020s, it's different for women. Sorry, but it really is. Women do, always have, and always will be looked at differently for having sex really early on (or on the first night,) and many men will view her differently and are often less likely to stay with her.

And as has been said, you don't know him at all. What's the rush? Imagine shagging someone after 2-3 dates, and then finding out he's a gross pig with the emotional maturity of Jay from The Inbetweeners?!

(Patiently, awaits the posters rushing to claim the last time they shagged a man on the first night, they ended up marrying him and have now been married 20 years.) 🙄

The OP very likely washes her face, armpits, legs, arms, neck, hands, ears belly, arse, chest, breasts etc etc etc in the shower too, so why did he just say her 'growler?' aka her vulva?

Because he's grim, he's gross, and he's an immature pig with all the charm of the back end of a wheelie bin collection lorry that's why.

Anyone who thinks what he said is funny, is either a man, or they are a woman who has low standards in men.

Just because Mumsnet is inhabited by fight club members doesn't mean I adhere to that.

really you're going off topic now, and its not compelling

Probably went on the date

Ok, fair enough @Coffeeonloop. Surprised you’ve never heard the phrase used in that way but now you know that ‘What did you expect?’ is often used to mean ‘You should have seen this coming, so you are partly to blame’.

Where has the op gone, still in the shower?