To cancel date over his ‘joke’?

You do you.

OP's question is whether it's reasonable to cancel a date over this. Therefore she does find it a problem. And she is the one in that situation, nor you or I.

If he'd been her husband of 10 years, my answer might well be different. She doesn't know this bloke. His mask's dropped early and it's probably a good thing it has; prevents any incursion into sunk costs fallacy when you can merely avoid sinking them in the first place. He's already showing who he is.

Misogynistic males are not OP's problem to fix. Nor does having dated him a handful of times or even had sex with him make him her problem to fix. Sex is not a commitment. You can 'like' someone and then change your mind and decide behaviour like this is not something that will enhance your life.

IMO, this would be sensible.

I know, right? It makes me want to weep a bit…

Precisely. It’s only the kind of men that talk about body count that are going to care. So depressing that some women are still blaming other women for men’s behaviour. Christ I thought that was dying out in the 1990s.

‘What did you expect’ should be sent into the sea. It’s the kind of language that leads to ‘what was she wearing’ or ‘how much did she have to drink’

It made me laugh … but I’d have laughed and then cancelled the date.

“What’s wrong with presuming access”.

Jesus Wept…

and many men will view her differently and are often less likely to stay with her.

Unless she wants to date misogynist men that’s not an issue.

He has the interpersonal skill of a gnat

So, did we cancel over a whiffy growler or didn’t we? I’m riveted.

Anyone who uses the term presuming access is extremely worrying. I don’t know where these phrases come from.

I know some women find humour in this kind of thing. I am totally mystified why.

I have to agree. If he’s making comments like this when he’s on his best behavior what will he be like further down the road!

It’s giving me the ick. I’m put off. YUCK.
HTH.

Oooooooh!

Are you actually serious?

Anyone that "presumes access" is a massive red flag. It tells me that they think consent is something that can be assumed rather than having to be given each time. This guy has taken it one step further as he hasn't just thought it privately, he's actually insinuated it to the OP in a text.

OP may want to sleep with him again, she may not. She may want to have sex and then decide halfway through that she wants to stop and she'd be completely within her rights to.

This guy has assumed they are having sex and in many situations this would trample on people's boundaries. Suddenly, OP knows he is "expecting" sex and for some people, that would put them under pressure to do what the other person is expecting. It's gross.

I’d be telling him he has no chance of going near my growler now, whiffy or otherwise. I’m sure then he will apologise. (Google burned haystack dating method)

Carry on as long as you like, I think this is now extremely boring and am going for a dip in my pool. cheerio xx

@SerafinasGoose

This, far more than the rather silly word of 'growler' is what would send me running for the hills. The stuff about women's genitalia stinking is also classic misogyny and what men say to women when they want to put them down. I'd take that as a warning sign.

💯 Agree 100%!

I hate the expression ‘freshen up’. It makes me cringe and I think of sort of sink washes or someone cleaning with a baby wipe. Off topic I guess

Fucking hell.

If you are actually, honestly asking this question in all seriousness then I doubt I can help you with the answer.

Takes me back to Bo Selecta

Now you come to mention it, that's what crosses a line for me between banter-ish sort of crudity (which I actually enjoy in the right context) and 'not OK' crudity.

I'm already laying bets with myself as to how soon it'll happen. 😂

cancel tell him why and block

he is gross and really do not waste time listening to his excuses for being gross

Frankly, his 'growth' is not women's problem.

If this had been an established relationship then yes, I'd tell him that was hideous and that I wouldn't tolerate it. And mean it.

After a mere 5 dates? Nah. He can get in the bin.