To cancel date over his ‘joke’?

Why don't you tell him you found his joke in very poor taste? You'll know if he's worth seeing again by the way he apologises

Thats given me the ick!

🤣 thanks for the laugh

On the basis of you asking this question and not being sure… indicates that you are way too vulnerable to be dating anyone. Do some very serious work on yourself first.

I suppose it kind of does pop up for me too but literally just in a 'freshen up' way, I don't start thinking of 'whiffy growlers' or some of the stuff I've seen on social media with men talking about scampi fries and bits of ham sticking to legs and talk about womens vaginas in such a degrading way.

It's no different than if a woman said she was going to the bathroom and a man asked her if she was going to take a big shit. Like why? Just gross and weird that it pops into peoples heads and they deem it appropriate enough to say it out loud.

But funnily enough, not any man I know ...

OP how are you doing ? Do you have an update for us?

This - its bloody bizarre!

Freshen up to me means, brush teeth, have a wash/quick shower and get changed into fresh clothes etc

Not once have I ever thought "freshen up" meant just wash your vagina 🤣 - does this mean men cant freshen up ever since they dont have one?!

How did your date go?

Who the fuck has 'washing your fanny' pop into their head when someone mentions freshening up?!

Some of the posts on this thread are batshit!

I Googled it.

'Freshening up...'

Personal Grooming And Cleaning

"Freshen up" means to wash oneself, groom, or tidy up in order to look and feel cleaner.

Usage: "I'm going to quickly freshen up in the bathroom before we head to dinner."

Synonyms: Wash up, clean up, spruce up.

You will not find 'washing your fanny vulva' in any description of 'freshening up' anywhere!

Some peoples minds go to some bizarre places. And the man the OP has been seeing sounds about 13. Grim as fuck. As I said earlier in the thread, they have already shagged, and IMO him saying 'make sure you wash your growler (vile term,) is a hint that he thinks she smells down there.

@Datingwoee Did you dump him?!

.

It doesn't in the least. Consent on one occasion doesn't equate to consent on any other. Were that true marital rape would still be legal.

I'm not suggesting he's a rapist, before anyone starts with the predicable hyperbole. I'm suggesting that an automatic assumption of a shag just because he's had one before is distasteful, presumptious and actually quite disgusting. It's also a likely telltale sign of his general attitude toward entitlement to sex, and coupled with his evident disdain for women's 'whiffy' genitalia, this would tell me as much as I needed to know after a mere five dates. And no woman is compelled to stick around and 'educate' him, either.

I'm unsurprised at the number of PPs who are trying to push these standards onto others. They are perfectly at liberty to accept them if they wish. I do not.

Disappointed the OP hasn’t been back to let us know what she decided!

Freshen up is such a gross term

Well of course she is @Bigreddog25, but that’s not all she is washing. It’s weird for this man to hone in on that like a ten year-old. ‘Oooh she’s having a shower…bet she’s going to wash her fanny!’ <snigger>

So you think that when she is freshening up, she isn't washing her fanny?

Yes, perfectly put!!

If that’s ‘the vast majority’ of men you know, then I’d advise keeping better company. I take it you mean ‘drink alcohol to excess’, by the way?

As to your overall point though - so what The ‘joke’ doesn’t become any less a reason to dump someone by virtue of their being worse offenses. You can in fact dump someone for any reason you like.

Reall so if you’ve had sex can refer to a woman’s genitalia like this whenever you feel like it.

no. No you can’t.

Does it??? How so?

To be fair, when people say things like "freshen up", that's exactly what it sounds like to me. Like - freshen up what??? Although a bit immature I think it's maybe just a poorly judged joke. Only you can decide. We don't know the guy!

Gross. Shows you who he is

Are you , apart from this, happy with him?
I assume his "humour" is not yours.

Are you looking for an excuse to dump.him - if so, do.
Are you willing to say to him " I do not want that sort of comment in a relationship. If you are that sort then go. If you want as relationship with me, we do not do that sort of language. So do you want to be free to speak like that, or do you want me?"

Yes it's confrontational, yes it's Trumpian. If you are a co didn't woman it will not be a problem. If you are a non confrontational, people pleaser more so. Good luck.

so what?
Does that mean women should stay dating a man that does something they don’t like just because there’s men out there who are worse??

I’ve noticed that a lot of men when they’re dumped make out they don’t deserve to be dumped because it’s not like they cheat on you or hit you or they’re not like X and then name the worse men they know, as if women should be grateful that the man isn’t as bad as some other men.

I saw a few men on Facebook make comments like this in the heat wave, not people I am friends with, their posts just randomly show up and I just think they’re pathetic and have no respect for women to talk about women’s bodies in such a derogatory way and it would definitely turn me off completely if a man said something like this.

It depends whether you already been intimate or not