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Original poster

To cancel date over his ‘joke’?

838 replies

Datingwoee · 23/06/2026 15:52

5th date tomorrow night with a man who has been great up to now. I’ve had to push the time back by an hour - said I’ll need extra time to freshen up after work. His reply to me was: “No worries, can’t be having a whiffy growler lol”.

Is that date cancelling worthy or am I being a bit too harsh?

OP posts:
InterIgnis · 27/06/2026 17:50

WooWooHelper · 27/06/2026 17:41

I’m honestly astounded that one comment like that would be enough to make you cancel him. Do you have any male friends to check this out with? It’s male banter. If he has done EVERYTHING else right, I wouldn’t cancel him. I’d banter back and then face to face, be honest and say you don’t like that sort of thing. Depending on how he responds to that challenge…. Judge him on that. Apology and slightly mortified - crack on. If he gets defensive then ditch. It is poor taste - but it sounds as if the intention was to banter/ connect. If you just cancel because of one comment, then most relationships are going to be doomed!

I say this with the assumption of no other red flags or signs of misogyny….

It’s the banter of a certain type of classless male that many of us would rather gnaw our own limbs off than date. There are far worse things than a relationship being doomed.

PhaedraTwo · 27/06/2026 17:49

fedexxxxx · 25/06/2026 22:04

Freshen up is such a gross term

Agreed and so is "whether the OP has been intimate" with him which a PP used. Ugh.

EllesmereCats · 27/06/2026 17:48

Disgusting language for a man to use.

PhaedraTwo · 27/06/2026 17:47

JKHGlasgow · 27/06/2026 17:34

Not particularly a fan of the man but I do think something that Ricky Gervais said holds true in your argument that I'm wrong - "Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right."

Except when it relates to personal relationships it is. Any person is entitled to decide they want to call a halt to dating for any reason.

5128gap · 27/06/2026 17:46

If you find a man's jokes crude and offensive, you have no future. Because a shared understanding of the difference between wit and vulgarity is essential in a relationship.

PhaedraTwo · 27/06/2026 17:46

WooWooHelper · 27/06/2026 17:41

I’m honestly astounded that one comment like that would be enough to make you cancel him. Do you have any male friends to check this out with? It’s male banter. If he has done EVERYTHING else right, I wouldn’t cancel him. I’d banter back and then face to face, be honest and say you don’t like that sort of thing. Depending on how he responds to that challenge…. Judge him on that. Apology and slightly mortified - crack on. If he gets defensive then ditch. It is poor taste - but it sounds as if the intention was to banter/ connect. If you just cancel because of one comment, then most relationships are going to be doomed!

I say this with the assumption of no other red flags or signs of misogyny….

I'm absolutely astounded that some women put up with this.

CelestialCandyfloss · 27/06/2026 17:46

Urgh what an absolute minger he is saying that to someone he barely knows...actually saying that at all is fucking gross. Horrible misogynistic language. YANBU I would say to him that's fucking disgusting and never see him again.

Thewitchofeastfinchley · 27/06/2026 17:45

Whether you are being unreasonable or not is not the point here - if that's not how you want to be treated, then you are not compatible to this man anyway.

WooWooHelper · 27/06/2026 17:41

I’m honestly astounded that one comment like that would be enough to make you cancel him. Do you have any male friends to check this out with? It’s male banter. If he has done EVERYTHING else right, I wouldn’t cancel him. I’d banter back and then face to face, be honest and say you don’t like that sort of thing. Depending on how he responds to that challenge…. Judge him on that. Apology and slightly mortified - crack on. If he gets defensive then ditch. It is poor taste - but it sounds as if the intention was to banter/ connect. If you just cancel because of one comment, then most relationships are going to be doomed!

I say this with the assumption of no other red flags or signs of misogyny….

YouMightLikeIt · 27/06/2026 17:41

What would really do it for me after a 'joke' that grotesque, is expectation that he will get near the growler to catch a whiff! 🙄

JKHGlasgow · 27/06/2026 17:34

Not particularly a fan of the man but I do think something that Ricky Gervais said holds true in your argument that I'm wrong - "Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right."

cezza111 · 27/06/2026 17:30

Definite red flag 🚩🚩🚩

MrExperinced · 27/06/2026 17:29

If you want to come across as confident rather than defensive, it’s usually stronger to be calm, set a boundary, and add a touch of wit.

suggested text
I’ll assume, just this once, that was your clumsy attempt at sarcasm. If you’re planning on calling me a “whiff growler,” you might want to rethink it. Keep using that sort of language and you’ll find out what a real growl sounds like.

FireDarkstorm · 27/06/2026 17:29

Unless you'd somehow been talking about "growlers" and this is some kind of in-joke between the two of you, this is fcking rank. What on earth is he thinking?

LubyLooTwo · 27/06/2026 17:29

His comment is no big deal besides you had to move the time which may have inconvenienced him. Go ahead with the date.

GTZ · 27/06/2026 17:26

JKHGlasgow · 27/06/2026 17:25

I'm here with 3 other people and we all agree that it was ridiculous but funny. Based on the comments I am seeing here, for goodness sake people get a sense of humour.

Gotta love a false consensus. Argumentum ad populum!

JKHGlasgow · 27/06/2026 17:25

I'm here with 3 other people and we all agree that it was ridiculous but funny. Based on the comments I am seeing here, for goodness sake people get a sense of humour.

GTZ · 27/06/2026 17:25

Datingwoee · 23/06/2026 17:01

Yeah after our last date. I’ve definitely got the ick now.

Show quote history

Oh, that's unfortunate. Book in for a sexual health check and move on!

Cicero1 · 27/06/2026 17:25

Cancel

GTZ · 27/06/2026 17:22

I'd block that, never mind cancel it. Sounds like something my DH's awful brother would say. Run away as fast as you can.

ThatPlumBalonz · 27/06/2026 17:22

Freshen up does have sexual overtones in it.

LoyalShaker · 27/06/2026 17:20

It would be a red flag for me, especially if you have only seen him 5 times.

Pyjamatimenow · 27/06/2026 17:17

Disgusting. Next!

cheekybtch · 27/06/2026 17:13

Gosh - how uptight are all of you pulling sick faces and being all snooty over a literal message? It's just a joke, it really wasn't that deep. I'd have laughed. It was the fifth date, not the first. Get over yourself.

Moonlicker · 27/06/2026 17:08

Omg. So disrespectful. If that were me, he'd be blocked.