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AIBU?

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Original poster

You see a child having a meltdown... How do you react?

118 replies

Velumental · 23/06/2026 14:54

I saw something on Facebook that triggered this, say you're in a park and you see a child, he's almost 5 foot tall and built like a small rugby player, go from having fun to screaming, stamping, throwing himself on the ground, maybe trying to run from his parent or hit his parent. From observing the situation 10 mins previously you're aware he was playing in an entirely ordinary way with a group of similar aged friends for half an hour previously. He's the only child upset, his parent is with him, you're nearby. Your children are in the park too, starting to maybe look over.

Thoughts and actions?

OP posts:
VikingLady · 23/06/2026 15:39

Velumental · 23/06/2026 15:15

Why not? I will say to my kids 'not all kids find it easy to understand their feelings or they get very worked up and upset, they've got their mum with them, they'll be ok'

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I use practically everything as a teaching moment. How else do you teach your children empathy?

Mine still have the odd meltdown and our whole family and all of our friends have other ND- related issues. Seeing other kids have problems too helps them to feel normal themselves, as well as reinforcing kindness.

canuckup · 23/06/2026 15:37

I'd probably leave the area

hididdlyho · 23/06/2026 15:36

It's park with I assume, plenty of space, so people could presumably have easily avoided him if they didn't like his behaviour. If it were a restaurant or small indoor space, then yes ideally the parents would be trying to get him outside asap, so he didn't accidently hurt someone. I'd assume some sort of SEN; my nephew is 8, of a similar build and his meltdowns can be pretty full on. I'd feel sympathy for the parents and also the child who must be clearly distressed and struggling with some intense emotions.

Crumpetring · 23/06/2026 15:33

BudgetBuster · 23/06/2026 15:21

Yes. Plenty of children have additional needs and aren't purposely being stroppy or violent... they are trying to communicate through frustration.

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I think OP is talking about a park with generally older children.

My children understood from pre school age that some children’s brains worked differently and that meant they behaved differently in certain situations. I don’t think 7/8/9 year olds need teaching moments about this, they’ll see it at school.

PetrolKoala · 23/06/2026 15:30

I wouldn’t think anything of it and would stay out of it unless it was obvious that the parent needed help and then I’d ask them if there’s anything I could do.

Backedoffhackedoff · 23/06/2026 15:30

BudgetBuster · 23/06/2026 15:25

Would you rather children remained ignorant then? Noted.... 🙄

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I think in 2026 children are generally far more aware of learning disabilities / ND than adults are, can’t imagine most would need teaching. All the primary school kids I know witness this from their own classmates multiple times a week.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/06/2026 15:29

I am sympathetic towards the parents, and understanding.

Original poster
Velumental · 23/06/2026 15:28

CrushedLemons · 23/06/2026 15:25

I have an autistic child that has frequent melt downs, I really wish people would approach, I had to get off the train once in an area I didn’t have a clue where I was because someone approached me and it started her off again.

It's funny isn't it? My (presumed neurotypical) daughter can be cajoled out of a 'tantrum' by a stranger at times so I wonder if well meaning people are picturing that scenario 'i see you've got a barbie jumper on, do you have barbies' that sort of thing.y son would attempt to throw himself out a window in the same situation

OP posts:
SleeplessInWherever · 23/06/2026 15:28

Skybluepinky · 23/06/2026 15:23

Depends, do I know the family, if the parent isn’t in control and there is a risk to themselves or others.
It’s not a one response fits.
If there is a risk to themselves or others of course the only response is to call the police.

If the risk is to my son (who is my responsibility) or me (also my responsibility), calling the police isn’t appropriate IMO.

I certainly wouldn’t welcome it as the person involved in that meltdown.

Original poster
Velumental · 23/06/2026 15:26

TigerRag · 23/06/2026 15:22

As a disabled person, I'm not there as your childs teaching moment

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While I agree I do think it's important kids are educated on how to reacting a moment. Someone quietly explaining to their child that my child needs space because he's struggling feels perfectly reasonable to me. Or are you picturing something else? Equally I have hyper mobile joints and frequent injuries, someone explaining why I might be using a crutch or whatever wouldn't bother me at all.

OP posts:
TurnAngerIntoHope · 23/06/2026 15:26

I’d assume there is something going on like SEN, going through a difficult time at home/school or a whole multitude of potential reasons and try not to make the parent uncomfortable by staring, whilst keeping an eye in case they need some sort of help or the kid tries to run into a road or something.

If my dc were looking/commenting I would tell them that that child is upset and struggling and not to stare if they were doing that. I might also remind them of times they’ve kicked off in public, not in a nasty way but sort of as an example to help them understand/relate rather than judge. I’d encourage them to give space.

BudgetBuster · 23/06/2026 15:25

TigerRag · 23/06/2026 15:22

As a disabled person, I'm not there as your childs teaching moment

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Would you rather children remained ignorant then? Noted.... 🙄

CrushedLemons · 23/06/2026 15:25

I have an autistic child that has frequent melt downs, I really wish people would approach, I had to get off the train once in an area I didn’t have a clue where I was because someone approached me and it started her off again.

BlackeyedSusan · 23/06/2026 15:25

Probably watch and assess. Most likely with an inappropriate autistic face, but feeling sympathy.

Skybluepinky · 23/06/2026 15:23

Depends, do I know the family, if the parent isn’t in control and there is a risk to themselves or others.
It’s not a one response fits.
If there is a risk to themselves or others of course the only response is to call the police.

TigerRag · 23/06/2026 15:22

BudgetBuster · 23/06/2026 15:21

Yes. Plenty of children have additional needs and aren't purposely being stroppy or violent... they are trying to communicate through frustration.

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As a disabled person, I'm not there as your childs teaching moment

BudgetBuster · 23/06/2026 15:21

TigerRag · 23/06/2026 15:14

"teaching moment"? Seriously?

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Yes. Plenty of children have additional needs and aren't purposely being stroppy or violent... they are trying to communicate through frustration.

deeahgwitch · 23/06/2026 15:20

Crumpetring · 23/06/2026 15:03

I would assume he had additional needs and not think more of it and would carry on with life. I might ask my own children not to stare if they were.

If I felt unsafe or that my children may be in danger of being hit I would quietly leave the park with them.

This. 💯

SleeplessInWherever · 23/06/2026 15:16

Velumental · 23/06/2026 15:12

It's me. I'm the parent of the giant 8 yr old 😂

When I see someone else in the same position I keep half an eye from a distance Incase anyone dashes for the road or the mum has an actual nervous breakdown and needs a second pair of hands.

There seemed to be some concensus on a Facebook post that the mum should get her kid immediately out of the way of others and not being them around civilised people if they 'behave like that'

Thank you all for restoring my faith in human nature, the weighting her seems to be more towards sympathy and less towards condemnation than the Facebook post (which wasn't about my child but was a story that could just as easily have been from any random day in my life)

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I am so pleased you said it’s your child.

For a second, I thought someone had seen mine in a park and posted on FB about it without my knowledge 😂

SupernaturalAddict · 23/06/2026 15:16

At five feet tall and with their parent there, i'd think he had SEN. I'd probably be there with my ds who has very obvious needs and at least one other adult so I would probably go over and asked if they wanted me to help, get their bags or items if they've ditched them to look after their son or ask if there was anything they needed. I'd not shoult it but I wouldn't get too close incase it made the situation worse. If they said no, i'd leave them to it, if they said yes i'd help them.

My kids wouldn't stare. My disabled kid wouldn't realise and my older kid knows how it feels to be stared at because of his disabled brother.

Original poster
Velumental · 23/06/2026 15:15

TigerRag · 23/06/2026 15:14

"teaching moment"? Seriously?

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Why not? I will say to my kids 'not all kids find it easy to understand their feelings or they get very worked up and upset, they've got their mum with them, they'll be ok'

OP posts:
FlatCatYellowMat · 23/06/2026 15:15

Feel sympathy. Keep an eye (my kids are a little older and would know to stay clear) in case she needed help.

If it looked like she might, then I would see if I could catch her eye so she could signal yes or no.

TigerRag · 23/06/2026 15:14

BudgetBuster · 23/06/2026 14:57

You tell your kids to mind their own and stop looking....

Nobody knows what's happening or what underlying issues might be at play. Maybe the kid is just having a tantrum, maybe he has learning difficulties. You could use it as a teaching moment for your kids.

If you think the child's parent is struggling you could politely ask if she would like any help but don't impose too much.

"teaching moment"? Seriously?

Original poster
Velumental · 23/06/2026 15:14

youalright · 23/06/2026 14:59

When you say hit what do you mean if he's throwing punches im calling the police

Ah hes only ever throwing punches at me and I'm well able to dodge them and settle him eventually. He's massive but he's only 8. What will I do when he's 12? Keep implementing strategies and hope we're beyond some of this and his therapies and interventions are helping. If not? Who knows, I'll come back and tell you if you like.

OP posts:
basingstokebluesfortwos · 23/06/2026 15:14

I’d just ignore and go about my life tbh