AIBU to mention past lack of support over MIL staying?

Well done OP.
I really hope this is the beginning of a new awakening for you.
He is not a good man.
You deserve so much better and so do your children.
Good luck.

I am so pleased for you. Have a lovely weekend and I hope this marks the beginning of a change and your husband values you and how you're able to spend time with your family.

OP, I am cross on your behalf. You should just not put up with this behaviour.
If your husband wants his parents looked after then he does it every single time. If they come for a meal then he cooks it. You should not have to put up with a nasty MIL and you can invite your parents over when you want.

Hopefully not you’ve said no and pissed him off in the process he’ll think twice next time.

Yep

That’s a good result Op.Well done for holding fast on this, and very glad your DH realised what a tit he was being.

Hope you can enjoy your weekend with your dc.

You honestly think that would have been any different? He would have been shitty whenever you brought it up.

What you don't change, you choose!

Not the ops fault either. She needs to say no.

Tell him to piss off. WTF is it down to you. It's ok for you to cancel your plans but he does not have to cancel his. Sod that she is his mum not yours. Stand your ground.

YANBU but I think you need to put your foot down and say No - otherwise your H will know you’ll moan but will then get on with it. Why are his plans more important than yours when it’s his mother!

You're not being remotely petty. What I'd do next might be a bit petty though... I'd tell him since he thinks you're selfish you will be selfish and spend your weekend how you want to. He can make other arrangements for his mum.

You've touched a nerve Op, he know you're right and his anger is his embarrassment talking

I hope this is the catalyst for you to make some permanent changes, OP. The things she has said and the help you have provided for two decades point to now being a good time to step right back and for others to take some responsibility. Plus your DH sounds like an arse.

The OP is clearly a bullied, abused woman over many many years.

This is just another incident.
Often posters like this are so ground down the capitulate and do what is expected of them.

Perhaps it will put a seed of doubt in her mind though, as to just how controlled, bullied, used and abused she is.

Perhaps it will start her realising what an utterly toxic environment this is and the seriously damaging role model her husband is.

Men often marry wkmen they can dominate and use as future skivvy carers for their aging parents.

They are expected to skivyy and host their husbands families endlessly, thanklessly.

The OP is one such women.

So sad. Only she can help herself.

Why would he rather upset you than her?

This crops up time and time again, generally with a man's female relatives

Why would he rather upset you than her? Tell him this is the last time you will support HIS mother when she's ill, he has 3 siblings, right? Why on earth do you get put in the position of helping? Because the others have all said no because she's nasty?? Weird.

You have made YOUR plans, including Your DC. He has to make His plans to include His DM.

I’d tell him he needs to cancel his weekend plans and go and stay with his parents. Either that or delay discharge or a resettlement care package. Time for firm boundaries about what support you want to give. They may need to consider paid services to lighten the load.

He is v v v unreasonable to assume you'll do it on his behalf. Put your foot down!

@Iwanttobeafraser so the OP gives in this time again and looks after the MIL

And what makes you think the dh will behave in any different way next time?
And look there will be, again, a reason that will explain why HE can’t do it either.

Your answer is a good one when both parties are reasonable. In this case, I don’t think the dh is.

The OP really needs to learn to say NO to her dh live with the crap atmosphere for a bit. Otherwise nothing is going to change

Sure, maybe this wasn't the right time but at the end of the day, it sems to me that basically what happened here was tha tyou realised that you were at breaking point.

Id' be saying calmly to your DH - the reason I mentioned all this past stuff this time is I've realised that i'm actually a bit unhappy about how I always have to step in and I don't get the same respect. Of course I'll help your mom this time, but I'd like us to think about how we are better as a team for BOTH families going forward. She's been ill ad I've looked after her 4 times in the last few years, so I think it's no tunreasonable that next time you will be the one who has to give something up to manage this and of course, I hoep you'll be as supportive with my parents next time.

liking this

I think you should send him a message along the lines of...

Sorry to do this by text but you're basically not talking to me at the moment so I have to. I had a long think about what you had to say and I agree that I am being unfair. I am being unfair to OUR CHILDREN by cancelling the plans for a great weekend. SO I have decided to go ahead with those plans after all. I don't see why our children have to suffer because neither you nor your siblings want to rearrange your plans for the weekend. Any way I'm going to leave it to you to speak to them and decide what you are doing going forward - basically either one of them has to cancel to deal with your mother or the hospital will need to review the care package it is putting in place to facilitate her going home. Obviously if you were talking to me we could have had an adult conversation along these lines but as you're not I'm going to leave you to sort it all out. Just bear in mind that I wont be able to do anything to help as I am going to prioritise our children and your mother's children can prioritise her....