AIBU to mention past lack of support over MIL staying?

Take the kids out and enjoy the weekend.Leave your husband to look after his mum don’t you get involved with her at all.

Don’t cancel on your kids. Let him stay home and babysit his mummy. Just don’t do any food prep, make up a bed, sort the bathroom or make it easy for him.

Op why are you minimising what is going on?? I shouldnt have brought up the past......why not???? Its his mother and you are the lackie. If shes treated you bad, reap what you sow! Simple.

Sometimes we let something go on for too long then blow up. I hope your husband can see this once the dust settles.

I think blaming his siblings is the easy way out - it is their right not to care for this unpleasant person, who requires excessive care, even if they are her kids. It's the easy way out to blame them for you doing something you don't want to do. Unless they are asking you to step in, that's another matter.

Your MIL's praise of them is just designed to make you feel crap. She will have ways of making them feel crap too. Their behaviour sounds like it comes from a place of self preservation. Sometimes we can learn from the supposed selfish ones.

Good luck this weekend. Families in law can be tough.

You could say ‘it’s a shame sil doesn’t help, but I guess you do say bil married similar to himself, so that explains it.’

and I hope you’ve made your Christmas plans.

Shake things up. Tell him you will not be hosting Christmas this year and that it is time you all spent it with your parents or that you are taking a hosting break so he is free to take it all on including cooking cleaning shopping decorating and all of it if he wishes for his parents to be there. You will be his doormat for as long as you allow it. Only you can change that by pulling him up on his behaviour. I would also pull his family up on the spot every time they showed me disrespect or spiteful comments. I had that mother in law and once I stood up to her things changed massively. Let him sulk that’s coercive control.

Let him cancel his plans if it is so important to him and you know that this is not going to. E just a weekend stay. It will become one more night after one more night and you will become the carer and expected to cope with all the help and appointments required while he gets on with his life. I would say a big fat no or that he can change his plans and stay with her in her own home for the weekend. Soon there will be a convo about her staying long term

Regardless of when you've said it he'll still kick off for you to do what he wants hence the silent treatment.I think you already know this by previous times that's why you don't say anything.

If my husbands family, or anyone slighted my family, they wouldn't ever be around me again.

Only you can allow another person make you feel less than.

It is quite clear from your posts how lowly you are viewed.

She has continued on because she has seen that she can treat and speak badly to you and about you, your family, and you have continued to see her.

You should have told her the first time it happened not to ever do it again or she will not see you again.

Instead you have skivvied for her and the family for 20 years.

I'm not having a go at you.
I am being honest in replying to how you have been treated, in your words.

Your husband is a bully.
Lying to yourself now will not help you.

You are a bullied abused woman and both your husband and his mother are zero class people.

Stand up for your family and where you come from and don't let yourself be used as the arse wiper for a bully and his witch mother.

Let him wipe his mothers arse.
Spend some money on therapy so you can build up your self esteem.

I would be refusing to be around her ever again.
I would be looking at the math for divorce.

It is not healthy to swallow such awful behaviour for 20 years.

You deserve so much better, as do your parents.

I'd be coinciding trips to see my own family when mil is due to visit. Dh can host his own dm. .

Agreed. OP, I cannot understand how you would allow these awful people to demean you and even more so your parents. Stand up for yourself, your parents and your class. Sounds like where you came from is worth 10 times what you married into - but the main person who needs to believe and act like that is YOU. Then you will stand up for yourself and put an end to this ridiculous dynamic you have allowed to develop.

I cannot believe you tolerate this.
Your poor parents.

You have so married down.
Into a nasty abusive using family that see you as the help.🙄

Your parents must be so hurt that you tolerate it and put his family first.

I really would be devastated if any of my children skivvied for such a family.

No matter how much your DH tries to sugarcoat his mum's awful behaviour towards you, you know that that her spiteful and snobbish remarks are because she is a horrible person, not because she is old and frail.

Your DH expects you to suck it up to make his life easier. TBH, I'd be re-thinking the relationship with your DH who seems to think that he can out-source his mother's care to you and then gets angry when you push back for the first time.

Imagine a life without these toxic and entitled people.

this is what I thought might be happening.

@ItWasCalledYellow I know lots of people who would have told MIL to never come back with all her horrible remarks.

And I would have been one of them !!

You are being perfectly reasonable.
Let's be blunt. Your husband appears to be a completely selfish pig, who does what he likes and expects you to do as you are told.
Your mother-in-law, regardless of age and health condition, is a total snob who looks down on you because of your upbringing.
Please take a step back and realise this is your life unless you continue to stand up for yourself. You were right to bring up other issues, as you have supressed your irritation for so long.
The hospital cannot discharge your MIL unless she has somewhere safe to go. Tell your DP, you cannot help and that going forward he and his siblings need to make other arrangements as your have your own aging parents and your children to consider. If he throws his toys out of the pram, then so be it. Frankly I think you would be better off living on your own. He can always move back in with his parents.

Good luck and stay strong.

She sounds awful! What a narrow-minded snob! Clearly can’t be ar@ed to
find out the first thing about who you actually are. She’s got all her boxes in her mind already set out and she plonked you in one.

My MIL sang the praises of DH’s siblings and their families to us for years; we then found out she sang our praises to them. In other words, being the manipulative person she was, she tried to play them off each other.

Be glad that you have made your point with your DH. What his siblings do , & why, is their business, so try to put it out of your mind.

She does sound like a nasty woman though.

maybe she says nasty things to the sibs families as well?

YANBU

Obviously we don’t give to receive, but when it’s always been one sided and you’re already spinning 100 plates, there’s a limit.

That’s good news. If your MIL makes nasty remarks again I’d say something like ‘Please don’t be disrespectful/ unkind MIL.’ Even if she’s unwell thinking she can behave badly is unacceptable. You’re inviting her into your home and caring for her. Sounds like your DH has partially seen he was being unreasonable. I still think it’s worth having a conversation about everything you told us - your parents, the lack of support from his siblings etc etc when the dust has settled. Why can’t his siblings do their bit? Why doesn’t he support you when your parents need help? But this is a positive development OP. Enjoy the weekend 😊