AIBU to think prolonged young adult lifestyles now extend into people’s forties and to wonder what the outcome of that will be?

I can't be bothered to point out all the obvious differences. Enjoy your evening.

And you can ask the other side questions

How many people who are with a mortgage and want to move but are stuck with kids settled and the complications and cost of moving house, if it’s even possible?

How many people don’t find parenting fulfilling or fun or loving, it’s hard daily grind with no possibility to take a career chance because you have to earn X amount every month no matter what?

How many people have a relationship that has lost its passion? Or even worse?

There is a stability in being self sufficient, there is a stability in only having yourself to worry about.

How many people regret the mortgage, kids, husband? A lot more than admit it I would wager.

It’s just as easy to be trapped as it is to be rudderless.

We have two teens boys who are lovely, and on the rare occasion they listen to life advice from us we don’t suggest that they buy a house, settle down and have children as their life goals. Get an education, have fun, take chances, go where the opportunities are. That is our advice.

I'm not quite sure what you're getting at, but I think I agree. I've got a friend in her 50s who does the festival circuit every year: Latitude, Isle of Wight etc. The rigid way of life that people lived in previous generations has given way to a move to do what you want, try different things, travel, delay marriage, kids (if at all), housing ladder etc. Top that up with huge global influences through social media about what a good life looks like, higher expectations from women about relationships, the rise of the child-free and Peter Pan appears to be alive and kicking. Although I think you might be talking about people who just never get around to securing their future and are then left stranded when old age and illness strike?

Not quite by late 30s the school run would be coming to an end.

Depends on the circumstances of course but it's all been in the EU and he's got a British and an Irish passport, not sure there's been much planning involved.

I think the only people I know who are my age (late 40s) and don't own property aren't irresponsible - they're just less well off in the first place than me and most of my other friends. Similarly those who have job-hopped low status jobs - they're friends who weren't well off in the first place and didn't manage to get a great education. I have one good mate who is smart guy but basically goes from one menial job to another (no fault of his own, those jobs just aren't very stable) and my (privately educated) DH has said of him 'If he'd been able to access the education I had he'd have done at least as well as me'.

I don’t see moving country as extended young adulthood. It takes a lot of planning and is quite difficult to do.

But she would be in the exact same position had she grabbed a bloke in her 20s

From an individual pov it makes sense to postpone after career etc or ultimately have choice over whether to have the house + 2kids. Except if delayed much then there's usually not so much energy left, child is left with aging parents early etc
From a societal pov this is a bit of a disaster with narrowing populations, noone to pay for or look after all the aging people, less scientific innovation, less advancements cos less people to do them etc. But great with some of those singles looking after their parents... That's all transitionary though, one generation or two of difficulties until it stabilises.
From a environmental pov less population will be much better. Provided we don't find new and innovative ways to kill the planet like data centres.

My thoughts exactly. Had this woman not bought the "biological clock" nonsense, and the idea that a woman is only complete with a man (any man will do) and a couple of kids, then she could well have ended up a happy, single, childfree woman. The horror.

One where they don’t piss on other people without their consent, mostly.

It's a perfect storm of factors. I think the arts have always attracted people who are more comfortable with instability, or accept it to pursue their dreams. My uncle is almost 70 and him and all of his friends are artists and still behave like they are 20. I think he's moved between countries too much to qualify for a pension anywhere, he currently "lives" in an artists community just outside Frankfurt but he's not there very often. My mum had to pay the bill to get his motorbike fixed last week or he'd have been indefinitely stranded in Brighton.

But also, "adult" life is increasingly hard to achieve. Can't save 50 grand for a deposit? Can't afford kids? Might as well have a good time I suppose. Then there's choice, there's more than one way to live life and society is way more accepting of that than it used to be.

Yes but life simply isn’t straightforward and not everybody follows the same pattern. Thank goodness.

She will find her way. All power to her.

True. But doing that with two young children will be a lot harder. And starting from scratch in your 40s with 2 young children even more so.

That doesn't logically follow. One could say she really ended up poor, with two kids and a loser bloke because she agreed with you that this is what real life is supposed to be like.

She could have chosen a happier life as a single woman with no kids and no loser bloke.

Some parents are really infantalising their kids though. Talking to a mum I met a while ago, about how she gets involved in her daughter's education-I thought her daughter was 7 like mine, but she was actually 17! Yet her mum messaged her tutors despite her having no additional needs.
Some parents seem to helicopter when their kids are at uni, or even have kids of their own. Or the opposite-even when they're in their forties, they're making their personal life dramatic and forcing their kids to deal with them dating new partners all the time, or expecting to go out with their teenage kids as if they're friends of a similar age.

I agree partly, but the people I know like this are men in their 40s who haven't matured at all. They are in their comfort zones and if anything seems like it might be challenging and take them out of those comfort zones- relationships, job opportunities, learning skills - they will avoid it regardless of the rewards it might bring. Still in low paid work (if any work at all), permanently single, partially supported by their parents, all through choice.

Oh I think some people think that but it’s not a majority.

I do think there is an element of truth in it purely that choice means “missing out” is an “option” in a way it was not previously. Now we seek the right person to commit too. In the past you had to pick somebody / anybody. If they were a great option, fantastic! If they weren’t a great option oh well- you still have to pick.

What I mean is I think it’s a rare woman who is childless / unmarried not by “choice” who simply had zero interest or options. And greater female autonomy means we can shun those options we dislike in a way women could not in the past.

Well the most obvious outcome is fewer babies being born, which we can clearly see in demographic figures for the past 10-15 years, but I'm not sure we can lay that wholly at the door of young people having more choices. Some of that is young people being unable to afford to buy their own place and have a family - even if they want to. Young people are, in some cases, stuck in the parental home, unable to get on with their adult lives, and that is thanks to wage stagnation, poor economic growth and bad governments - of which we've had several in a row.

And yes, some young people are rejecting the path of education, job/career, partner, marriage, children and embracing a more interesting, but less secure life and they're continuing to have fun and stay unencumbered for longer, but at least some of that is because of choices that they don't have. Earlier generations weren't saddled with the debts that Millennials and Gen Z are if they go to uni, earlier generations were graduating into a more buoyant economy with more jobs and prospects and that double whammy is having an impact on our society and the decisions that young people make.

I really don't think this is common. I'm early thirties and the vast majority of my friends and acquaintaces are settled down with children now. Of my single friends, none are regularly clubbing or serial dating, it's more brunches and book clubs here.

I disagree. I think there is a strong school of thought that believes that women in particular have been liberated from marriage and children and making different choices with this new found freedom. I think there are certainly a minority of women that this is true for but I think that most would still like marriage and children.

I think it’s ok provided they have no children. When children are in the mix people need to grow the hell up. I also don’t care what adults who support themselves financially get up to in their spare time. If they’re living in a messy home, screwing 25 people a month, getting wasted every night etc it doesn’t affect me, provided my taxes aren’t covering this lifestyle.

I don’t think many put it down to a shift in aspirations they acknowledge societal changes.

Most of my friends are between 34 and 40 ish. I honestly don't know anyone who is as you have described.

Some are married. Some have long term partners. Some have children. Most own their homes. One lives with her parents because it makes the most sense. some do still go out frequently but not every weekend in the wild party way we did in our early 20s. Some have 'great careers' some have a 'work to live' attitude.

These are mostly women I would know from school/uni

In real terms how much was your deposit?

We bought our first house with a 5% deposit in 2011.
We were paying £500 in rent.

The same houses are £1100 to rent and £170k to buy.

Our deposit would now need to be the best part of £20k as I don't think 5% deposits are a thing any more?