Headteacher criticised my daughter's water bottle

Oh for goodness sake. It's not about resilience, it's about not being blamed for something you have no control over!

The head was 100% in the wrong here.

I also don't use disposable bottles unless I really need a drink when I am out and have forgotten to take my normal bottle with me.

I wonder whether the said head has bottles of bleach, shampoo, olive oil etc in his house in plastic bottles...

Oh God! One of “those” school receptionists. I hope you looked her in the eye and said “I thought you could have managed to provide a child with a cup of water on a hot day.” Absolutely ridiculous.

I’d be tempted to say something along those lines to the Head. Make him squirm a bit. “I completely agreed that a reusable bottle would have been preferable; unfortunately, we did not have time to replace the damaged one on the day, so had to make do with what we had. I also think it would have been preferable had your point about recycling been made in a generic way, rather than singling out an 8 year old girl who was very upset by the incident.”

I’m sure there was no malice intended, but it was bloody clumsy and words have consequences when you’re a person in that sort of position…..

And did the head really think it was down to a child that age anyway? If they have an issue they can raise it with the parent.

I was ready to be judgy all over you and your hissy fit, OP, when I read the title, but I do find myself feeling really pissed off on behalf of your DD. At that age - and even when older - I would have been mortified to have been singled out like that. Use it as a tool to show your daughter that sometimes you will side with her, not the adult, and that adults can be unthinking fools sometimes, even when we mean well. My DCs loved it on the (rare) occasions that I sided with them in conversations just between us. They'd always beg me not to when I considered complaining, though!

The rest of the class would know who it belonged to, of course it's embarrassing
Any adults would struggle with a similar situation never mind an 8 year old

If it happened to my child I'd definitely be speaking to the HT about it

I'm sure most adults wouldn't be too pleased about being used as a bad example in front of 30 of their peers, for something that they had limited control over, let alone an 8 year old child. My daughter would also have been upset.

It's also a bit of a push to say that being upset about this is reflective of their general lack of resilience in everyday life...

You're not being unreasonable.

That’s a really good point too, and I agree girls are often socialised to be more submissive than they would naturally be. You’ve really made me think about this!

He knew the bottle belonged to an 8-year-old. That should have been enough for a decent member of school staff not to say anything in the way he did.

He knew he was singling out one child by picking up one bottle. If he didn’t know which child it was that actually makes it worse, not better.

Has he ever done anything postive? Is school a postive experience and are the staff hard working and kind?

Your daughter may have to face greater challenges in life other than a slightly clumsy coment about awater bottle.

I take your point, but I worry about it particularly with a girl because we are taught to be compliant and do as we are told, often to the detriment of both ourselves as individuals and our sex as a whole.

My DC forgot their water bottle last week (Friday - so quite hot), I rang the school to see if the could ensure child has water and they said it was preferable for me to drop water bottle in. Fair enough! But I wasn't coming from home so had to grab a bottle of water from the shop. I explained this on the phone - that I would need to buy one and would be about an hour as I was AT WORK

When I dropped it in the receptionist said "oh you didn't bring her actual reusable water bottle? We thought you'd go home and get it". No I didn't go another 20 minutes out of my way to get her water bottle which was left out anyway so warm !!

We don't have a car, my 8yo has never been on a plane - my conscience is clear about a one fucking of bottle of water.

It may not be your ideal personality type, but some people are just built that way. It always amazes me that we accept that all adults are different, with their own quirks and qualities, while expecting children to be exactly the same and blaming parents when they aren’t.

HT is a tactless idiot. They can’t recruit any decent ones so this is what you get (am primary school teacher). Young stupid man. I’d complain and I’m very much of the ‘suck it up’ parent variety. It’s not your child’s fault!

i agree. Very unimpressive. And I’m definitely a reusable water bottle person and feel terrible if I forget it and have to buy some.

I usually give teachers/schools the benefit of the doubt because it's an incredibly tough job with obscene amounts of pressure.

But in this instance I'd be pissed on your kids behalf. The message was delivered clumsily and used your child as an example - that's not okay, and I think any child would take that really personally. I don't agree with buying bottled water at all, but JC it was a one off and it's a legally and commonly purchased item, not bloody heroin.

I would raise it with the school, but explain to your child unfortunately we all have that one experience of a trusted adult letting us down, being unfair or wrong. It can make us feel funny and upset about ourselves for a while. It might help if you recycle the bottle together?

Most adults would be mortified if somebody picked up the water bottle from their desk and used it as an example with which to lecture the rest of the group. I’m not surprised a young child was upset by this. YANBU, OP.

I'm actually not sure I agree that never ever being told off is a good thing. Many very bright, generally good kids get it wrong and are told off from time to time. It's part of learning and pushing the limits. A child who is never told off suggests she is extremely compliant - not necessarily good in the grand scheme of things.

I think you're right OP that the HT was clumsy here but also that PP have a point.

I don't like it when points are made by using an individual child of this age as an example - not least because for an 8 year old the water bottle they end up with in school is often not within their own control so, and it's just generally unkind to single someone out.

However, people are clumsy in making their point sometimes in life and this is something our children need to be resilient to if they are not going to have a difficult time as they grow - I was a sensitive child so I both have sympathy for your DD and appreciate that some focus on toughening up is a really valuable thing

I agree with the head.

He didn’t personally victimise your daughter (wouldn’t have know who it belonged to) and also wouldn’t have known it’s a one-off.

Not a smart thing to say, but, I wouldn't get too upset about it and would teach your daughter a little more resilience.

I think even adults would take it bloody personally to be held up as a bad example, let alone a little kid!!

ridiculous thing for a headteacher to say to a child in front of the class . I don’t blame you for being annoyed

The HT shouldn’t be criticising 8 year olds (or any primary age children) over things like water bottles as they’re not in charge of family finances or shopping.

There’s a big difference between education and humiliation.