AIBU to feel uneasy leaving baby overnight for a child-free wedding?

That might depend what sort of view of weddings you grow up with. I always saw them as family events. I mean, your wedding would be pretty lame without your guests going to the trouble of taking time and expense to attend. They're doing you the favour.

@Screamingabdabz

they are not soulless.
believe it or not, a wedding is actually an adult focused day i.e the bride and groom not a child focused day

I'm fine. That baby is pretty big now. :-) He was only three months at the time though. That's my philosophy too. Have the wedding you want but don't complain if people can't come.

That's a real shame, the family member was totally unreasonable, hope you're ok.. It's fine to have the wedding a person wants but it's also fine not to go.

I presume this is the first time left your little one overnight? It could just be wobbles.
You could go to the wedding and not drink? Maybe try a bottle a couple of times before you go, see if anything changes? (unlikely, you never know!) Then if you're needed (up to a point, not too late) you will be able to drive back. Will leave hubby stranded though!

It sounds to me like you’ve answered your own question 😊

They have asked 😂

Most of the people I know who’ve said child free have done so to stop the guest list from escalating. One or two babies who can’t be left is very different to 10+ kids of various ages. When I had to ask a bride in the past it was absolutely not an issue.

I couldn't have done it with either of mine- both sets of grandparents are wonderful, but my children were both bottle refusers and would dehydrate themselves to death (genuinely). I'd have either had to take the 8month old with me, or declined the invite, whichever was appropriate.

I could leave DC2 for 4-6 hours at that age. But no good if the wedding is a fair drive away.

I've been in this position and I didn't go to the wedding. The family member never spoke to me again, but I've never regretted putting my baby first and would make the same decision again.

Yes, I did have children at my wedding. I invited whole families together and never thought to do otherwise.

Absolutely not. He’s too little. He won’t understand where you’ve gone or if you’ll
come back- he just knows you’re missing.

Other babies might cope well in this situation but by the sounds of it yours is very attached to you (EBF, sleeps with you, doesn’t take dummy - I’m guessing your boob is his dummy). My son was like this and I can’t imagine leaving him for someone’s wedding. He would cry for me and be traumatised. It all depends on the baby

💯

I wouldn’t go. He’s too little and bf to manage a whole night away.

I wouldn’t leave an EBF eight-month-old overnight, personally. It just wouldn’t have felt worth it. Neither of my kids took a bottle. They’re only little for a short time. Being with them was more important than going to a wedding.

Of course. All children were invited to our wedding. As were two who were still bumps at the time invitations went out but due before the wedding. Wouldn't dream of not inviting children and especially a baby.

One couple didn't come because they didn't feel up to it with their 2 month old which I was a bit sad about but of course understood.

I was happy to have children at my wedding, didn't want to exclude them.

If you choose to have a child free wedding you have to accept some people invited may not be able to attend. Nobody is wrong in that situation.

I also don't see the harm in explaining the situation and asking if babies are included in the ban. If you're being invited to someone's wedding presumably you're close enough to them to ask this, and if you're not why would you be bothered about just not going.

I had a vv similar circumstance with my 2nd when they were 7 months old (except it was a wedding just for me to go to and my OH was going to stay with both kids). I had agreed to go and stay 2 nights when I was pregnant, forgetting just how tough it could be. In the end DH and both kids came and stayed nearby. Baby took a bit of bottle during the day but I went home early eve and did the night feeding and cosleeping.
They weaned at 13 months just in time for another wedding that I could stay over and enjoy myself at!

Do what you both will feel comfortable with but don’t feel pressured to go, lots of mums want to stay close to their babies in the first year!

Not unreasonable to feel this way, but you should go. It's only one night and you can pump. I was in this position and went to a hen weekend. I think that was too long really but still glad I went, I showed myself I could do it. Get the baby practiced with taking a bottle or sippy cup beforehand. Either way, he will survive one night without continuous milk and have a massive drink in the morning - might even kick start him into sleeping better at night.

YANBU- I would have refused to attend entirely, so it’s good of you to go to any of it.

don't put them in the awful position of asking to take the baby. They have said child free for a reason.

Lots of weddings are child free but not baby free. However the couple are not going to want crying or any disruption from babies so baby etiquette is always needed. I’d take up the offer - you are so lucky to have it. If you really cannot go, you have left it awfully late to be a no show and that’s quite rude. Seating plans and food will have been paid for and you won’t be popular. Or can you book a hotel and in laws and dc stay local?

Some people worry about babies crying through the vows so depending on how close you are/how important it is that you’re in the service, you could also say that you or your husband could sit that bit out, so there is no disturbance of the vows. The rest of the day tends to be noisy anyway.

I wouldn’t have dreamed of trying to separate a breastfeeding mother from her baby just so I could have the aesthetic I wanted. It is incredibly crass and self-absorbed. Weddings used to be a celebration of loving family relationships, not a glorified photo shoot with overpriced cake.

As much as I believe in the village and family help etc, it sounds like you'd worry and he'd be unhappy? So why not stay sober and drive back, it seems a good compromise. I'm sure you deserve a big night out but with an EBF baby at home, one who is still reliant on milk for hydration as he's under 1, I think I'd just have to accept that if I were your pals.

I had a tricky boy who I knew I can't leave overnight for the longest time, it's just how it is with the roll of the dice sometime.s

All those saying take the baby or don’t go, I hope you were as happy with this at your own weddings