AIBU to worry my adult son's table manners affect others' views?

I don’t think ‘genetic bad table manners’ is a thing!

The brutally honest answer to this is that in any corporate (or even non corporate tbh) workplace this will be looked poorly upon. People have little to no empathy despite what they may say for poor manners such as this from personal experience, especially given it's something you can easily fix.

To put it into perspective imagine a potential client paying £££ seeing this as a first impression

Absolutely bad manners (and poor grammar) will color people's perception of him.

Not when he’s a 28 year old man.

He’s 28 years old?? Then this is literally none of your business. His eating habits are none of your business and neither is his job. Jeez.

How on earth can the speed at which you eat be genetic? Do you mean it's learned behaviour?

You’re not unreasonable to tell him he’s eating like a monster. That is your job as his parent

‘Speed you eat is a genetic thing’ ??????

never heard of that and am frankly pretty sceptical .

but even if it’s true or eating fast is a habit - it can be trained out of someone.

chewing every mouthful 10 or 20 times.

putting cutlery down in between each mouthful

deliberately loading the fork with a 1/4or 1/2 usual amount.

using smaller cutlery

never shovelling with a fork / always stabbing and pressing food to the back of it

taking a sip of water after every bite

engaging in conversation at the table

there are loads of ways you can slow yourself down if you want to.

I think you need to have a frank chat with him - probably won’t go down well but if said with love and as a suggestion rather than a criticism he may be receptive.

Right, yeah i get that but are you just making a fuss out of a couple of bad habits you just don't like and are projecting it or is he literally a monster at the dinner table?

Could you phrase it as - gosh you are really hungry? And some fillers eg salad and bread?

mentioning weight is not something to be told easily - what about more asking about his fitness (when the heat is over!)

Table manners can be an indicator of general suitability for a job. When my son was job hunting a friend had a final stage 'interview' with top accounting firm, which included being taken out to dinner. The 'golden rule' was not to order spaghetti bolognese! His friend passed selection, but he was an absolute charmer anyway (and very good with both people and figures).

I have a male friend who eats with his elbows out flying about like he's not been fed for a week - I find myself feeling a bit judgy - gate bad table manners

My son was a bit like this but every time he ate like a wolf I did say lightheartedly god slow down he did take it on board and is much better now. You definitely have to say something but in a way that doesn't get him defensive.

Most people seem to eat like this now, and a lot of people are more aware of learning differences etc, so are less likely to judge. Plus we're more aware of cultural differences, and the people who would once have tutted about someone using a form the American way might not use chopsticks very well.

Unless your son is literally eating with his hands and burping or chewing with his mouth open at the table then yes you ABVU.

I cant help but think this is a Hyacinth Bucket moment.

I had a friend with terrible table manners, would lean down to shovel in food and then chew with his mouth open and smack his chops. I told him repeatedly it was gross and it would be off putting to partners/employers etc, always ignored or made excuses. He was keen to get a date with a particular girl in uni and decided that instead of going out to eat, where his manners could be called in to question, it would be less obvious to her if they got a takeaway at home instead. He proceeded to inhale two portions of chow mein leant over the table in front of her, one after the other, with a fork directly from the tupperware. When she got up and walked out mid-way through the second, he finally got the message 😆 fortunately it was a proper wake up call, has changed his habits and been fine ever since. So they can change!

So many people today have bad table manners. Especially influencers reviewing food, they can’t use cutlery and chew with their mouths open. It really puts me off.

I wonder why it's nearly always men that have this unpleasant behaviour ?

I’d say it’s a risk regarding progress at work. I had a formal Christmas work lunch last year and one of the men had his knife and fork in the wrong hands and was hunched over the plate shovelling like a Neanderthal. I saw the big boss looking.

You say he us an adult, but how old, roughly, are we talking?

I think you should raise it with him but he might not take it on board. I've told my DH that he's a very noisy eater and he simply says he isn't, so that's that.

He is though – sometimes I have to leave the room because the chomping makes me want to rip my ears clean off my head. He also takes bites that are so big, he's actually out of breath by the time he finishes chewing 😒

You are not being unreasonable. I'd talk to him about it.

I would judge him. Would you want him, for example, entertaining clients?
I’m also wondering how you ‘trained’ him when he was an actual child. Has he forgotten his manners or did he never have them? Yes talk to him. Bad table manners are very off-putting.