AIBU to feel resentful after my husband's promotion pay fell through?

He’s telling porkies.

The picture you have painted of yourself is terrible. Sounds like there's some emotional abuse going on. I think you should separate and you need to fund your own lifestyle.

Considering stopping up work whilst in a marriage that’s as precarious as yours clearly is, is very foolish and short-sighted.

I would be very wary of putting yourself in the position of being financially dependent on your husband. He's already proven himself capable risking your marriage based on his cock/porn obsession and could well blow it up again at some point.

You really need to keep your job and not count on him as much. To be frank, it sounds as if you already have the ick with him anyway. It'd be a major error for you to give up work, risking your future financial security.

Sounds like it was never happening in the first place.

A few years between being told he was getting the promotion, and it happening?

Having re read this now I’m fully awake, must admit I’m a bit suspicious

You seem to be living your life waiting for a better tomorrow that will never come while living in a shit today. Your partner is toxic and is poisoning you slowly but surely. What you do about it is up to you but I would be taking a very thorough stock of things and working out the best way forward for me and DC now. As PP said, first thing is checking out his payslips.

Why would you stop working to be financially beholden to a man who says you can't afford the house. He sounds like a cunt.

I had it in my head for so long I could have this time off work and even potentially leave

So you’re unhappy because his not earning megabucks means you can’t leave and take him to the cleaners?

Your marriage is as dead as the very last Dodo. 🦤

I’m thrown back on my heels by how extreme your rows are. I’ve never in my life said anything like ‘you know where the door is’ to a partner or had such out there clashes with them, but you say it as if it’s normal and regular to have rows like this.

I get that you feel disappointed but it would be unusual to be able to stop work completely, not to mention probably unwise. Somehow you have to get over this. Have you done anything like anger management or worked on what sounds like quite extreme emotional reactions? Meditation or even just breathing exercises to try and stay calmer?

I would take some time away from him to have a good think.

Did you actually believe him?
Do you think you believe he told you the truth?
Does he lie about anything else? To his mother or boss or friends? White lies for example?
You say he’s let you down again. Did you really come to terms with his online purchases? Or was this really the first nail in the coffin? What was his excuse/reason for his online activity?

To me I’d assume he was lying as you got promoted and he may have felt inferior? But that may be because of how you have written your op. I think you have a lot to unpick and think about.

I can't make head nore tail of the timeline...

Sounds like you never got over what he did, however we're willing to put it behind you for money and not having to work. Thats not the basis for a good marriage and over years the resentment would have grown and you would be miserable.

or this is Ai

Yes I assume he was told he was on partner track in a law / consulting firm and he’s not been sharp enough to work out that those jobs are sales jobs. You can earn loads, like enormous amounts of money, but generally only once you reach equity partner level and have proven that sales track record.

So he’s seedy, power-tripping liar who’s also not the sharpest. Not a great combo.

My advice is always that women should continue working, and never be financially reliant on a man but it’s in massive flashing lights here.

OP he was never offered any promotion. He has lied about it to overshadow your achievements and to financially control you.

Some jobs have a long process for promotions, for example director or partner in accounting firms. You find out you’re in the process but then there are steps you need to go through and it can take months - years. I can also see someone getting the starting salary in these roles very wrong. He also sounds like it was using it to control the op and exaggerated/has a too big ego

I’m as confused as everyone else. Sniff test isn’t good. Looks like he’s played you badly to stop you leaving. What sector does he work in?

Or he had misconceived ideas about what a particular position earns.

I'm confused about him being offered a promotion but then "years" going by before he got it?

I smell bullshit. The story about this promotion money doesn’t seem legitimate. Why would there be such a big discrepancy without him knowing in advance? He’s either a complete idiot or he’s lying.

It sounds like you’ve been unhappy a long time, because of his cheating with online girls and his lies about promotion/pay rise. These are the real issues.

I think you would be happier working but split from him. He is making you unhappy.

He was obviously lying, presumably because if you give up your job it will much harder for you to leave him. Luckily you didn't do it before he didn't get the massive payrise. Why would you want to rely financially on this horrible man anyway?

Giving up work is the last thing you ought to be focusing on. Your marriage is dead in the water - has been since you caught him paying to see other women. Trust has gone, resentment is growing by the day - this is unlikely to be recoverable.