AIBU to object after my ex criticised my ring and writing?

Definitely open the door in your wedding dress.

@liamharhait being an Irish funeral there was a 3 day wake at the house, and hundreds of people packed into the church, not intimate. And his mother asked me and my sister to please attend the lunch afterwards for any mourners who wanted to come. It was open to all and I would not have come if I hadn’t been invited

I think I have forged a reasonably good new life. Having been a SAHM mum for 16 years I managed to get back into the workforce at 52 and work my way up to a level I never thought would be possible for me, I’m proud of that. I have also reconnected with old friends and travelled on my own, lived through a serious health scare and seen my kids through some difficult years, largely on my own. I have interests and plans for my future. The only thing is that I wish he would not be so hostile all the time, and every now and again it rears its head and reminds me why I left

I think I have forged a reasonably good new life. Having been a SAHM mum for 16 years I managed to get back into the workforce at 52 and work my way up to a level I never thought would be possible for me, I’m proud of that. I have also reconnected with old friends and travelled on my own, lived through a serious health scare and seen my kids through some difficult years, largely on my own. I have interests and plans for my future. The only thing is that I wish he would not be so hostile all the time, and every now and again it rears its head and reminds me why I left

Looking you find any of this normal or appropriate when her EX has loudly declared it makes him uncomfortable then it's a difference if opinion .
If the gender roles where reversed and this was a man still overstepping a ex wife's boundary and making her feel uncomfortable I think the general consensus would be that he was being creepy .
Op can of course keep a friendly relationship with her kids fathers family but IF the father is belatently stating his discomfort at her being at intimate family events like a funeral she should respect that and stay away .
Why would you wanted insert yourself where you were not wanted ,it's sad .

I wouldn't want to be with a man's who's ex still wore his ring
He has no power over this though. He absolutely cannot dictate what the OP wears.

and who turned up at family events , regardless of her intentions. It's overstepping.
She divorced the man... not the family.
She gets on well with the extended family and is evidently invited to these events. He's welcome to stay home or his girlfriend can stay home if she has a problem.

Yeah I don’t “turn up” to things, I only go if invited and only then if I’m sure that it won’t make things awkward like for eg if his mum is going to be there I won’t go as that would be awkward if Ex is also there with his partner. His siblings think he’s being ridiculous and that he needs to get over himself and just get along.

its not about inserting myself into things, they’ve made it very clear that they want me there and I’m welcome

Sorry, but I think he and his new partner should be able to attend his family events without worrying about you being there. Continue inviting them to your place if you want but the kids can go without you. Honestly, it sounds like his family are being nice to your face but talking about you behind your back.

Society? As much as people would like to say it doesn't mean anything, it actually does. That's the whole point of engagement/wedding rings, it's to symbolise something.

I reckon your older DS is old enough to understand that your ex is not to come inside the house without your knowledge and consent. So if he calls unannounced, he has to wait on the doorstep (door closed). This is to avoid him coming in just so he can kick off at you.
In fact might be a good general rule that he doesn't come in. Because he can't behave, and still thinks he can tell you what to do.
The ring. It's your ring, you like it, you'll wear it. It's no longer anything to do with him. You need to look up grey rock. It's a way of batting off his comments without agreeing with him, and without giving away any emotional response.
Easier said than done, so practise a few responses.
Like: I'm sorry you feel that way, I intend to keep wearing it.
I'm sorry it upset you, but it's done now.
Is that what you think? I don't see it like that.
And so on. Don't argue, don't get visibly upset, don't cave in. Give him nothing. Bland smile.
He might loom large in your small town, but you don't need to let him take up any more space in your head. Good luck.

I’m a divorcee after 20 years of marriage and I’m still Team Ex; I think your behaviour is odd tbh.

Either sell the ring, have it turned into something else or insure and put it away. It is a symbol of a relationship you’re no longer in.

I would absolutely sit on the back row of my in laws funerals IF i went now (I have given this some thought and would probably just drop my kids to their Dad and then quietly pay my respects on my own). It’s a chance for the current family unit to grieve. You are not in that anymore. Your children are not tiny, they don’t need you there.

Ditto writing about his Dad. Just why? Write about the principles without specific reference to someone else’s Dad.

My ex husband turned up unannounced at my house tonight. No warning, just my 20year old DS appearing at the top of the stairs saying “Dad’s downstairs, he wants a word.” I had just got home from our youngest son’s school Leavers ceremony which had been pretty emotional for me, and I was in the middle of getting changed into my slouchy gear and thinking about dinner and relaxing with a quiet evening.

i went down to see him, a bit puzzled as had only seen him minutes before around at the school where we had talked a bit, what I got was being told that I am an embarrassment, that people are talking about me, and that I need to change my ways. Specifically:
The ring. I still wear my engagement ring on my ring finger. Not my wedding ring, just the engagement ring. I wear it because it’s valuable, I don’t want to leave it in a jewelry box where it could be stolen, it only fits that finger, and I don’t want to lose it. Ex husband has decided that this is a problem and that other people, friends, mutual friends, possibly family members, he was quite vague about his sources, are apparently commenting on it and finding it strange and something to be criticised for.

When I pointed out that I don’t know anyone who goes around looking at other people’s hands, he said “you’d be surprised.” He suggested I put it in a safety deposit box. In his shop. I declined.

Writing on Medium. I write on Medium, about my life, (nothing about him) current affairs, personal essays. Ex husband has decided this is also A Problem because I am apparently “putting my whole life out there.” He cited people who had apparently told him not to read my piece about his father’s funeral because it would upset him. He has not read it. He does not know what is in it. The piece was a tribute to a man I loved and had known for over twenty five years. I referred to him as my father-in-law because that is what he was to me for most of my adult life. Apparently this was overstepping.

The funeral. This is not the first time this has come up. His father died a couple of years ago. I loved his father and his father loved me. I am the mother of his grandchildren. I made sure my kids were all turned out well in good suits and outfits at short notice, I made sure they did their grandfather proud, and I sat approximately a third of the way down the church. Not the front row. Not beside my ex and our children. A third of the way down. Apparently I should have been at the back.

We have been over this before and he doubled down tonight.
For additional context:

• I had a frightening health episode just days ago that he was aware of. He did not ask how I was. Not once.
• I spent weeks putting together a box of duplicate family photographs for him, his travels before we met, photos of the children growing up, carefully sorted and labelled. He never acknowledged it. Not a text, not a word.
• He has a partner.
• I live in his hometown, surrounded by his people, his business, his family, his influence. He is a big personality in the town. I have built my own life here but it is not easy.
• We are three months away from our financial agreement ending completely.

So. AIBU to keep wearing the ring? And also AIBU to think that turning up unannounced to deliver all of this on the evening of your son’s Leavers Mass is not okay?
Asking for a friend. That friend is me. 😅

She can say no... but clearly she enjoys them.

No, I wouldn't appreciate my ex showing up to my family events but I'd then have a word with my family to perhaps stop inviting them to everything.

So what, she can still say no even if she is invited. Things have changed and it’s time to bow out gracefully, she can still see his family when he is not there. Would you like your ex always showing up at your family parties? I wouldn’t.

But she divorced HIM.... not the extended family who are clearly inviting the OP and spending lots of time with her outside of larger family events.