AIBU to object after my ex criticised my ring and writing?

She's entitled to do that but he's entitled to tell her that he (and other people) have noticed and found it weird.

So let him find it unsettling. Maybe she is over him, but if she isn't then her ex still does not get to dictate what she wears and how she behaves. They are divorced. Whatever he finds unsettling about her is his problem now. He sounds very controlling. I would be tempted to wear the ring plus a t-shirt with the words "Don't worry, I'm over the twat".

But it goes both ways.

OP is upset that her ex hasn't enquired after her health or expressed gratitude for her duplicating all the family photos (some of which it sounds like are just of him before they even met, so it's not clear why she's keeping copies of them anyway). When you add it up with her continuing to wear her wedding ring and including herself in family funerals, he's NOT feeling like she's becoming a stranger, it feels like she's not fully accepted that it's over.

These things on their own are small things and might be reasonable, especially grieving the ex-FIL, but altogether it is not that surprising he finds it somewhat unsettling.

Why do you think it matters if some people find it odd? Why should that dictate what OP wears? Her ring, her finger, her choice. People can read something into that choice if they want. So what if they do?

This!

I think in the balance of probability more people would find it odd that anyone would hang onto an engagement ring from an ex and wear it on the finger it was placed on in anticipation of marriage.
Most people within my circle who are divorced don’t wear their wedding/engagement rings at all, they have put them aside for their children or sold them.
Men that have never worn wedding rings due to manual work (my husband is one) is completely different, the Op did wear the ring as a symbol of her relationship status. She has now chosen to keep wearing it, we aren’t talking about a random ring that people have chucked on a finger, one of my friends who is unmarried has rings in all her fingers, we are talking about an ring that I assume was given to her when she accepted the marriage proposal.
Im surprised that its value would add so much to an insurance policy which why the OP is wearing it, my Mother has some very expensive jewellery that was given to her by my Father, she doesn’t wear them as they are divorced but they are in a safe for her Granddaughters. Her insurance is still very reasonably priced.

l its your ring to do with as yo wish-but if it were me I'd probably get it remade to look different.

Yet again, I wish there were upvotes on here. This should be pinned to the top of the divorce boards

It's only odd to some people. To everyone else it means nothing at all. Anymore than the absence of a ring on the wedding finger means that a man is not married.

Ignore, ignore, ignore him. He’s a controlling bully and I don’t believe for a moment that anyone has commented on your ring or anything else.

Totally agree with the PP who said your sons need to know he cannot come into your house and must wait at the door for you to come.

If he tries to boss you around or put you down again don’t give it credence by entering into a conversation - simply nod and smile and walk away.

I was going to post some more bullish responses but I sense you want/need to keep the peace for the sake of your children.

Tell him that there is plenty about his behaviour that you find embarrassing but as you are not together you don't regard it as your duty to raise it with him, and he needs to take the same approach from now on. If he has any opinions about what you say or do, then unless it actually directly affects your children he can keep it to himself because you have no interest in his views. If he tries this one on again, walk away,

Above all, make it a rule that from now on he doesn't come into your house without your permission

My exh came to my DF'S funeral (married at the time) but left to go back to work. He didn't come to my DM'S, Which still pisses me off. He's never mentioned to me or our DC, and this has pissed my DS off mightily, the passing of my DH. I will be going to my DMIL's funeral when it happens and quite frankly stuff him. He's a selfish human being and we are all allowed to mourn.

Bollocks. She wrote about attending the funeral of someone she cared about. She doesn't need anyone's permission to do that.

OP I think the glaring would personally make me laugh but badmouthing you to your children is not acceptable and is not mature. Children have to come first once a marriage has broken down and the parents have to work hard to be as amicable as they can.

You need to somehow come to terms with the guilt you feel and to forgive yourself for whatever you believe you did wrong. If you haven't had counselling I can highly recommend it. I went for sessions about 2 years after we had separated when I was in my current relationship but struggling. It really helped me.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time.

So regardless of how unreasonably controlling he is, you deliberately chose to sit where you wanted and annoy/upset him for no reason other than because you could. At his father's funeral.

This is not making you look good. In fact I am now wondering whether you continue to wear the ring on your engagement finger just to annoy/upset him.

Every relationship separation - divorce or otherwise - is different. Sitting in the middle or the back of the funeral service is neither here nor there in the scheme of things, you had a close relationship with the deceased for 25 yrs - better and longer than many in front of you. I think its small minded and petty of him to be harping on about it 3 yrs later when he didn't make it clear at the time. And what exactly does he want you to do about it now - holding on to stuff you can do feck all about. Just ignore him on that one.

Coming into the house - unless he is living there its a no, he waits outside, you need to get the kids on side with this one as well.

The ring - you would be as best to lose it to be honest - at least insurance would pay out and you could get another piece of lovely jewellery as most of what you would get for it is the weigh in value at the moment. So I would go with resize wear on other hand or on your middle finger or something. Or if you are feeling particularly stroppy get a belly or nose ring made out of it - lol.

You need to push back on some of this as its "putting you in your place" and "making you smaller" both in your own mind and also trying to do it publicly which is not on. I would keep it amicable from the point of being neutral and only necessary communications, Keep him out o your house and don't go out of your way to make him comfortable at your expense.

I hope you are getting a fair settlement financially and don't forget any pensions

I thought there had to be a partner…. And there is.

I don't know why he would detest you OP 3 years after the divorce as you've made it clear that you are at the same events sometimes.

Have you moved on mentally and emotionally though? Divorce is such a difficult thing to navigate even if it is something you want. I have been divorced for 21 years and I sometimes still have a sad moment that I wasn't able to get it right the first time (I have been very happily remarried for 19 years).

I think you're both being a bit unreasonable. He clearly wants a clean break, and is being unrealistic about it in that you can't be expected to simply forget that the life that you had with him and the people you had in common ever existed. You are entitled to grieve your ex FIL however you wish.

You seem to want to have some sort of friendship and he's getting the impression from you that you haven't let go of the relationship. Wearing the engagement ring is odd. You can sell it if you don't want it.

Expecting him to ask about your health, or spending a lot of time preparing a keepsake photo album and thinking it will be gratefully received, might be a normal thing is some separated couples but it's not the relationship you have with this ex. It may feel unfair or cold to you but you're not together anymore and he doesn't want to have the kind of friendly relationship you want to have.

Fair enough OP 😊