Feeling uncomfortable after sharing a seat with a very obese passenger

I dont think having a standard seat at boarding, that's just embarrassing and shaming and by then it's too late. When you book your flight, just look up the aircraft, it tells you the seat width and leg length for each class, obviously if the seat you want has a 25inch seat width and your seat is 40inch you're not going to fit. If you're very tall or have trouble stretching your leg then you look at suitable front aisle seats up upgrades, it's the same thing,

I need to grow up for wanting to sit on my own, paid for seat? Right love.

Free to point out one rude or personal insult I’ve stated against anyone who is larger, because you will not find them.

No.

I'm not the only poster on this thread who has said that this thread is disgusting and that the fat hating on this thread is shocking.

You really need to grow up

You seem to be suffering from an extreme case of Blesséd and Beautiful Life Syndrome there @Numbchill.

Some people have mental health issues that drive them to self-harm if they are hungry and not allowed to eat.

Some people's bodies don't produce the "I'm full you can stop eating now" signal from the stomach.

Some people have hormone imbalance issues that cause their bodies to turn the vast majority of what they eat into fat and they get severe malnutrition-type illnesses if they "just eat less"

Some people have neurodiversity effects which mean they don't have sufficient cognitive executive function to maintain the discipline needed to lose weight.

Some people grew up in abusive dysfunctional families and learned unhealthy patterns of using food as a substitute for love and validation long before they develop the maturity needed to transcend that, and their mental journey to recover from that abuse has to take priority over their physical health which might take many years.

Yes there are probably some fat people who don't have these or similar issues but OP cannot know that for one random stranger on public transport so shouldn't assume anything. It is however perfectly reasonable to insist on being given an adequate seat on a plane and it's the airline who is responsible for that.

on a flight, OP should have got up and stood in the aisle as soon as the other passenger sat down, long before takeoff, and politely and calmly asserted the impossibility of tolerating a flight with only 75% of a seat. Perhaps they would have been able to swap in a child (fat person in window seat, child with vv small body width in aisle seat, with their mum/dad the other side of the aisle so still next to child) or perhaps they would have bumped OP or the other passenger to the next flight. Even swapping from window seat to aisle seat would have been less uncomfortable - half a buttock overhanging into the aisle isn't great but beats being squished against the wall - but OP didn't give them a chance to sort it. Just sitting there resentfully was stupid. Airlines should have a standard seat at the boarding gate for checking purposes and an official policy for what should happen if you are larger than that, just like they do with the frames to show acceptable baggage sizes and official policies for what will happen if you turn up with a bag of larger dimensions.

So what do you suggest?

It’s not my business why they’re fat, it doesn’t concern me.
You’re being so sensitive that you’re actually not reading what people are saying and you’re running wild with little out of context quotes and attaching meaning to it that wasn’t there.

It’s not the airlines fault, it’s the fault of the person next to me.

I also know several women, including myself who became overweight after being raped.

It's a common trauma response to rape.

The woman becomes scared to look female or attractive in any way and so puts on weight

You don't care why they're fat. That says a lot.

Also you not having enough space. That's the airlines fault. Not the persons fault.

Frankly if someone is taking my space, that I have paid for, I don’t care why they’re fat. I care that they think they’re entitled to my seat.

Someone taking my space in whatever form has the exact same impact to me whether it’s their entire leg or their fat spread.

Perhaps spend some time educating yourself - obesity is a chronic, relapsing disease. There's nothing as repulsive as an uneducated, ignorant individual like you.

Let's look at one example in your scenario.

My mother aged 76 is overweight.

She had polio as a child she was in hospital for a year and nearly died. She now has a partially paralysed leg and her body is still affected from the disease.

She can barely walk. due to all of this, she is overweight.

Should she, a disabled overweight person pay twice as much as a healthy physically able person on an aeroplane

It's very easy to check what seat sizes are on aircraft by googling the flight number or seat guru, if you're not going to fit in the seat then you either buy another one or upgrade to a larger seat,some armrests ar fixed so that has to be taken into consideration. You can also contact the airline assistance for advice and some offer priority boarding, you have to look at the size of the toilets too. It's not comfortable if the seat is too small or if someone takes up your space. There has to be a compromise because airlines are not going to give away free extra seats.

Some of these comments have made me really sad, there’s a lot of hate towards fat people.

I was always very slim, size 8ish at 5ft 7, right up till my mid 30s when I developed lupus and Addisons disease which meant I’ve had to take life long steroids at high doses, from a lupus perspective to stop by immune system from attacking my organs (heart, lungs etc). I went from a size 8 to a size 22 ish and all the healthy eating and whatever in the world isn’t going to keep me slim. I walk when I can - when I’m not in horrendous pain or having a flare - but I can’t do high impact exercise because it makes my Addisons and asthma unstable (I’m under 6 different consultants. I’ve been on more medications than anyone can imagine).

I don’t want to be like this but I am limited by my disabilities and abilities. And the medication I take. I’m not sitting here eating 10,000 Krispy Kreme’s everyday. I’m eating the same diet - yes, some treats, as I did when I was slim. And I’m not slim now.

People probably look at me and thinking I’m fat / lazy / whatever and they really have no clue.

I do not see overweight people as anything other than people.
YOU need more space, ergo YOU pay for it. Why wouldn’t you, who is responsible for you, if not you?
The physical reasons for weight gain are, excluding some medical conditions, very simple. You eat more than you burn. The psychological reasons are extremely complex and not at all easy or straightforward to manage or address. If they were, no one would be over weight.
That still doesn’t mean that you have the right to encroach on someone’s else’s space and I cannot fathom why you would think it does.

I am a “fat person” and I think we should pay more for the seats we need on a plane, in much the same way I no longer fit in kids shoes so have to pay more for the size I do need.

It's interesting that's your spin on it. That's a reflection on you.

Multiple posters on here have said that fat people should pay more on planes.
They have said that fat people choose to be fat.
Every time it's been written, I have replied "many people don't choose to be overweight, they become overweight through illness injury or trauma"

Go back and check the facts hun

Some people on here act as though we are mindless drones without the ability to think and exercise choice over what they choose to put in our bodies. Great news! We are sentient beings with control and choice over what awe do, and therefore should bear the consequences for our actions when their affect others.

No-one has said anything like that and it's interesting that you have put that spin on it. That's a reflection on you.

I share an office with my colleague that has arthritis in her knee. She eats very healthy. I see her having porridge and fruit for breakfast, a salad for lunch. I've spent time in her home in the evening several times. She eats a small light dinner.
She is still overweight.

She works a very busy job all day looking after teenagers so she needs some food for energy

They eat less! I have arthritis. I can’t do my first sport of choice so I do another and eat less. It’s not much fun but it’s better than being morbidly obese.

You're being ridiculous and you are being ablist.

A man spreading his legs is not the same at all as a disabled women who is overweight due to her disability, and you know it.

You didn't say, but what weight are you.

You seem to have a remarkable lack of knowledge of the many reasons that people become overweight

I raise you the humble apostrophe and the full stop!

What derails the subject of obesity is always that people are hyper sensitive to being labelled obese and some can't have a rational discussion about it. But that is necessary for progress to be made on issues like this.

You’re being disingenuous, the only issue people are pointing out is when one person takes the space that another has paid for.
It’s equally as unreasonable when a bloke sits with his legs wide open and tries to use your legroom as his own.
Its about respecting the space of other people.

That is not true.

His condition means that he has a persistent drive to eat, and reduced ability to feel full. He becomes aggressive when unable to access food.

I have a son with food fixation, no hungry/full recognition, and who also would tear the house apart looking for a chocolate bar if that’s what he was fixated on.

I buy less food. I limit his access to the fridge. I provide all of his meals so he doesn’t just choose bags of cheese over having a proper meal.

His condition can be managed, but not easily, and not by him.