Feeling uncomfortable after sharing a seat with a very obese passenger

Ok, so if you have an obese person squeezing the life out of you in your seat on a plane or where ever... who is at fault?

YANBU but many people will give you a hard time.

I once flew back long haul (from India) with a very obese person next to me. Her skin was touching mine all the time unless I squeeze myself into a corner of my seat.

Obesity might be an illness (yeah, right) but it’s not fair on those next to you to make no accommodations.

Oh, and National Express coaches have seatbelts.

@Bayleaftree63 This isn’t about shaming, more I’m in disbelief people being that big are happy? Why wouldn’t you want to loose some weight for a healthier lifestyle.

It should be obvious that it is not a conscious choice. Food addiction is a real addiction, and is every bit as real as other addictions.

You wouldn't be asking that question if someone was a smoker or drank alcohol. So why do you think obesity is different?

That’s fair enough but do you like people expressing bewilderment about how you could have let yourself get in that state without just dieting and losing the weight?

To be fair. I am morbid obese and when i fly i book two seats, it is not fair on the other person to only have part of their seat.

I say this as a very fat person, if we wanna travel on a plane, we should buy two seats.
Why make other people suffer

Except she's not being told off about being uncomfortable/exasperated etc. She's being called out for her nasty, faux naive "why are some people so fat?" Bullshit

I was sitting next to an obese man on the train (2 hour journey) last week, who sat with his legs spread open. There were no other free seats, and I was perched on half a buttock on the edge of my seat for the whole journey. He kept pushing his leg against mine to take up even more space.

Yes, obese people have a right to travel on public transport but I also have the right to sit in the seat that I’ve booked and paid for.

I'm considered obese but still managed a 45 minute HIit class tonight in this heat so up yours with your fat shaming crap

I’m obese and it’s fucking shit! Everyone assumes that you are lazy and spends the day gorging on burgers and cakes. Depression and medication can be a factor.

There are two separate issues here though. It’s reasonable to be physically uncomfortable sitting squashed up next to an obese person
It’s unreasonable to say how could they be happy with themselves and let themselves get to that size without losing the weight.
I’m obese as a result of Binge eating disorder, depression and a personality disorder, all caused by childhood abuse

I understand that, and agree, but I think for me it comes under ‘why does anyone post anything on here’ - and I can quite imagine it was ‘I’m bloody hot, sweaty, flight was delayed, coffee was shit and I couldn’t even sit in my own seat properly’.

People post in frustration all the time, this seems like OP had valid reasons to be annoyed or upset (and obese people are coming from a complicated backstory, both are true) but people are being incredibly harsh to OP. This happens all day long, harsh words to people posting in frustration, who don’t deserve them.

If the obese passenger posted ‘had to sit next to someone on the flight today, wish she’d sat elsewhere so I had more room’ people wouldn’t have posted ‘yeah, she sounds like a right bitch, she could have sat elsewhere’ would they? They both paid for a seat, they both sat in it. One was extremely uncomfortable through no fault of her own. I don’t think it’s too much to say to OP ‘oh goodness, that sounds like a tough journey on a dreadfully hot day’.

Maybe what I’m actually saying is ‘why cant we talk nicely to each other? If we could do that, would the issues we are facing in our daily lives lessen somewhat? I have more capacity to speak nicely to OP because I wasn’t sitting in her seat today.

Or are we happy that someone who comes here in frustration (having experienced a situation that no one else here actually did) is told that it’s way past her bedtime and she’ll be tired at school tomorrow? Is that the Mumsnet we all want? Full of angry shouty people?

My dad would watch things like 'My 600lb Life' and pretty much shout at the TV about how they were so big and did not seem to notice... how could they not see they were getting bigger.
His BMI was over 40.

My mother used to be genuinely puzzled as to why some people were poor. 'Why don't they get a well-paid job?' she used to say. With some justification, I suppose, as my father had a well-paid job and she didn't have to work.

What’s the point of posting it though? Some people are overweight, we all know that. They still have to travel. Or what should they do?

Many of us will have had uncomfortable journeys like this, I have, but you just deal with it because what can you do? I’m sure overweight people don’t feel great about making you uncomfortable, they’re probably very aware that they are making the other person uncomfortable, that people judge etc.

What’s the point of saying it on a forum other than to upset people? Just deal with it and get on with your day.

On one of the hottest days of the year, sitting like this for minimum one hour (I know there are shorter flights, this is a guess) ’leaving me squashed with what little space there was left’ is going to affect how OP feels about the discomfort she was in, that other people sharing double seats were not left in.

I think we can give OP some grace here. Yes, obesity is a complicated thing with its roots in childhood, difficult upbringings etc, but OP must have had an extremely uncomfortable journey squashed up to another person on a hot day through no fault of her own.

Are we not allowed to acknowledge that? If not, why not?

😂😂😂

Probably easier to lose weight than to stop being a twat too!

Perhaps it's time seats got bigger, people in the UK are much bigger and still rising.
Not about signalling that it's ok, more the catering to the reality of the situation. I guess though that costs companies profits.

And OP, while a lot of people are bigger than they should be, there are quite a lot of genuinely poorly people who's weight goes up.

Twats gonna twat.

what can you do hey?

Most people who are bigger don't want to be. It is bloody hard for some people to lose weight. You are an idiot.

Yes. I'm sure OP meant school bus.

And just to be clear … this isn’t about shaming, more I’m in disbelief people being that judgemental are happy?

Perhaps you have never heard of addictions, eating disorders, depression or compulsive behaviour? Do some reading OP, it's more useful than faux-naive questions.

This would be my up there with my worst nightmares. Not one bit interested in why people are the weight they are, wouldn’t judge anyone, a persons size is one of the least interesting things about them. I couldn’t cope with the sensory aspect of physically touching a stranger for a journey, this is where it becomes tricky when someone through no choice of their own is encroaching on your seat. But also I think about that poor person and how it must make them feel. Perhaps it’s time to make at least some bigger seats on planes? 🤷‍♀️