Feeling uncomfortable after sharing a seat with a very obese passenger

It was an internal flight. I didn’t mean to offend anyone, it was a genuine question.

On public transport earlier. A very large woman sits nexts to me. She couldn’t get the seat belt
round her. Her body spilt over into my seat, leaving me squashed with what little space there was left.

On the journey I couldn’t help be annoyed at the lack of space I was left with and questioning how do people let themselves get to that size. Talking morbidly obese, not just larger - whatever the medical
term.

This isn’t about shaming, more I’m in disbelief people being that big are happy? Why wouldn’t you want to loose some weight for a healthier lifestyle.

It was an internal flight. I didn’t mean to offend anyone, it was a genuine question.

Public transport with seat belts?

I’m morbidly obese. I weight about 21 stone, I am in my late 50’s. I always was a big girl, but I lost my partner four years ago and I am now caring for my mother who has dementia, so I eat For comfort. My weight has blown over the past four years, but I don’t really care as my health is not important to me anymore as I have nothing to live for. So I eat and eat as it’s the only small bit of happiness I have

How I let myself get to this size?

self sabotage. ADHD. Abused as a child. Cancer.

feel better about yourself now?

I’m morbidly obese. I weight about 21 stone, I am in my late 50’s. I always was a big girl, but I lost my partner four years ago and I am now caring for my mother who has dementia, so I eat For comfort. My weight has blown over the past four years, but I don’t really care as my health is not important to me anymore as I have nothing to live for. So I eat and eat as it’s the only small bit of happiness I have

Sure it was Op. And this thread was started waaaay after your bedtime. You are going to be tired at school tomorrow.

I understand that, and agree, but I think for me it comes under ‘why does anyone post anything on here’ - and I can quite imagine it was ‘I’m bloody hot, sweaty, flight was delayed, coffee was shit and I couldn’t even sit in my own seat properly’.

People post in frustration all the time, this seems like OP had valid reasons to be annoyed or upset (and obese people are coming from a complicated backstory, both are true) but people are being incredibly harsh to OP. This happens all day long, harsh words to people posting in frustration, who don’t deserve them.

If the obese passenger posted ‘had to sit next to someone on the flight today, wish she’d sat elsewhere so I had more room’ people wouldn’t have posted ‘yeah, she sounds like a right bitch, she could have sat elsewhere’ would they? They both paid for a seat, they both sat in it. One was extremely uncomfortable through no fault of her own. I don’t think it’s too much to say to OP ‘oh goodness, that sounds like a tough journey on a dreadfully hot day’.

Maybe what I’m actually saying is ‘why cant we talk nicely to each other? If we could do that, would the issues we are facing in our daily lives lessen somewhat? I have more capacity to speak nicely to OP because I wasn’t sitting in her seat today.

Or are we happy that someone who comes here in frustration (having experienced a situation that no one else here actually did) is told that it’s way past her bedtime and she’ll be tired at school tomorrow? Is that the Mumsnet we all want? Full of angry shouty people?

I was on a long distance Greyhound bus in Australia once. 10+ hours. I boarded and the person already in the assigned seat next to me was like this, and half into my seat. She chucked and said something along the lines of, good job you're skinny. I'm not. I'm normal size.

The journey was so uncomfortable for me, and seemed never ending as I couldn't sit in my seat properly. I'm not being funny, but she should have booked out two seats for herself, as she needed two. I'm a live and let live usually, but not if it impacts on others.

No I didn't buy a seat for my bag and a normal sized person is welcome to sit there. But I have a right to occupy the space Ive paid for and to act as gatekeeper to ensure that happens.

I went on a coach trip to Paris many years ago and an obese person went to sit by me. I told her "sorry this seat is for my friend. She's in the toilet". The obese person found a seat on her own for the trip. Of course she would have known later on I had lied when no friend joined me. That's not my problem.

That’s fair enough but do you like people expressing bewilderment about how you could have let yourself get in that state without just dieting and losing the weight?

If its a bus or train you can always put your bag on the seat or sit in the aisle seat. Say you are "waiting for a friend." or "there are seats elsewhere". Ive done this on several occasions rather than having someone squash me in for hours. The large person can find a seat on their own.

On public transport earlier. A very large woman sits nexts to me. She couldn’t get the seat belt
round her. Her body spilt over into my seat, leaving me squashed with what little space there was left.

On the journey I couldn’t help be annoyed at the lack of space I was left with and questioning how do people let themselves get to that size. Talking morbidly obese, not just larger - whatever the medical
term.

This isn’t about shaming, more I’m in disbelief people being that big are happy? Why wouldn’t you want to loose some weight for a healthier lifestyle.