AIBU in thinking you can fall in love with someone you’ve met online?

I met my late dp on POF, we had been chatting for about a month before we met in person, a month later we were living together. Once you weed out the idiots, chancers & married men wanting something on the side it is possible to find some good men.

Why are even contemplating a relationship with someone who lives 10 hours away?

Also - is he on an offshore rigg by any chance?

Kindly no.
I have been in this position before and it is not healthy.
It's like going on holiday somewhere falling in love with it and thinking life there would be golden brown and mojitos it wouldn't it would be Spain's version of Asda and work.
You haven't had to deal with anything more than what he has wanted to tell you/pretend to be etc.
You've not had his bad moods and his skiddy pants.
My experience of this was very bad for my long term well being.

Tunisia?

I fell in love online.we married.we're now divorced.it was genuine love..from my side anyway.

Google Catfish.

This is the Catfished channel https://www.youtube.com/@CatfishedOnline

I have also felt this intense attraction through chats and photos before.

When you haven't met your brain easily fills in the gaps with what you like.

It feels very different when you finally meet in person, the physical attraction wasn't there. Because that is about everything from their smell to their presence to their accent or how their smile makes you feel.

When we finally met in person it certainly wasn't love or an attraction sadly.

I would watch a few episodes of MTV Catfish before deciding if it's love

No, it’s not love. I don’t doubt that you’re fond of what he’s shown you of himself, but in order for it to be love, you have to know him and discover that he is who he claims to be. You have to know what he’s like when he’s sad or angry, or you don’t go along with his plans. You have to know what his annoying habits are and whether you can cope with them. You need to know what he laughs at, and whether he’s genuinely nice or he’s just putting on a show to reel you in, because you wouldn’t talk to him if you knew that he scares small children, he pinches money from his nan’s purse to buy weed, he thinks foreplay is a squeeze of each boob and he smells of egg mayonnaise.

If you meet and he is everything you hoped, and it turns into real love, then that’s great, but you still can’t know it’s love until you know he is who he says he is.

The Elon woman was a nightmare, poor husband.

They are nearly always nurses too. In the recent one, the woman was young and she was also a nurse.

I was going to suggest this 😂. If he asks you if you've eaten, that's a big red flag. @JosieMay1970, watch the Catfished channel and take a step back Constant messaging can be lovebombing and either way, it doesn't actually give you any time to think straight about things and work out if it's not legit. That's why they do it. Plus every time you get a message, it's a dopamine hit and you get a buzz from it, it's addictive.

Meeting someone online initially who you later marry and falling in love with someone before you’ve met in person are two completely different things.

I met DH online in 2000, we were living together 2 years later and married in 2006. It does happen, your feelings are absolutely valid.

Absolutely you can. Met my Husband through a magazine and we spoke on the phone every day and wrote letters pre internet or FaceTime. We met 6 weeks later got engaged and married 2 years later. This October we will have been married 25 years x

you have to bring it in the real world. Otherwise is a sexual fantasy....

Just give him your life savings, a passport and everything else because “he wouldn’t do that he has family values and loves you!!!”

Sadly, based on posting history I don’t think the OP will come back to the thread.

This was my first thought. Is he a 10 hour flight away or is he a 10 hour drive? Is he in Nigeria or John O’Groats? If he’s a 23 year old Nigerian prince you are being love scammed. Can you do a reverse image search on his photo?

You need to meet him in person. Not having him to stay/you staying with him, but spending time together in a safe way. So, book a hotel near him (or vice versa) so you have a safe place to stay; and that you’re not stuck with him in a potentially unsafe way.
As others have said, you need to be vigilant against any potential romance scams - but love, well, that’s something which emerges once you know someone a bit more. Spend time in a normal way together. People are different when they’re stressed, had a bad day at work, etc. Tread cautiously

I have experience with this. I fell for (or thought I fell for) someone online years ago. When we met, there was absolutely zero attraction from my end, but rejecting him felt awkward and I ended up getting involved against my better judgement. It all ended in tears.

Then either make a plan to meet or block and delete.

I met my husband online almost 20 years ago. We met on a dating site. We messaged on the site for a day or 2, moved on to man messenger (yep that's how long ago this is) and once we'd googled each other and checked we existed we swapped numbers. Then we arranged to meet. This all happened over a 3 day period. We arranged a date for the following Saturday and met for a coffee somewhere neutral. The following week we arranged to meet for lunch, the next week cinema and dinner.

My advice is definitely meet in person, see if it's real, don't sit in the only fantasy too long, The Internet is a place to meet not a place to live.

If he doesn't want to meet then let it go, start again. I dated a lot over the 2 years I was single between my first serious boyfriend and meeting my husband. I rarely went on a second date, if I wasn't feeling it I wasn't feeling it and I'd no urge to sleep with My of them. Met my husband and despite all my safety consciousness and 5 yr plan thinking etc, if he'd put going back to his on the cards I'd have been there that night.

Anyway yes you can find love online but you can't have a real relationship there.

Have you seen them on FaceTime?
But to answer your question? No.