My friend boyfriend beat her up

yes....and what happens when they rock up and she says nothing happened (because she will) and hes now pissed because she "opened her fucking mouth"?

Not being funny but being a social worker isn't seen as a badge of expertise when it comes to keeping people safe right now. And there are women up and down this country stuck living with men out on bail for abusing them.

There are kids living with abusive fathers because courts seem to think it is in their benefit...

there are women who have had their victimhood referred to as 'just a toxic relationship' and 'they're as bad as each other' because people, including those who should be there to protect them, judge women who have been damaged enough by their life and circumstances to not be able to see the wood for the trees - and it can happen to any of us.

If this op just jumps in, she is right that she might lose any direct ability to help that child. she could lose her friend's trust, and right now her friend is at least admitting the abuse to her. in a few weeks she probably won't be. she'll be hiding it, and then there will be no one to report anything because no one will know about it.

she does need to go to the police asap. but she does need to also have support. she is in a terrible position, she's in an emotionally stressful situation and she risks putting herself in danger too. Perhaps more people would report if there was a better, clearer process and more support.

OP, hang up the phone if you're still calling around domestic violence lines.

You need to call the police and then report the facts you know to social services now.

What the hell are you thinking here?

Your friend has made some very dangerous, scary decisions here and is clearly not in control of what's happening here - she's being harassed on the phone by him, he's moved in after 2 months, they're "trying for a baby" - STOP, step back, and see how him hurting her is going to end up.

It's going to end up with that 2 year old being killed and you are going to have it on your head that you could have stopped it.

You might worry for your friend, but she WILL be offered support IF she wants to keep her child safe.

The only reason children are taken from parents is if the parents are making decisions that are putting them in danger.

Right now, YOU are part of the problem.

Please report this and don't have what happens next on your conscience.

1. Alert social services as the kids are at risk

1. Give her a book. In Control by Prof Jane Monckton Smith.. Also read it yourself

you're worrying too much about how the adults will take it. Social services would not remove a child unless they are very worried. The child’s mother isn’t giving the child a second thought by the sounds of it, so other people need to take action and that is you.

No, she doesn't need advice first she just needs to report to the police. That's the first thing social services will ask. The longer she delays the more likely any bruises will have faded. I am speaking as a social worker. Social services need evidence to act which if the victim doesn't disclose themselves, needs to be from police.

if something happens to this child it is not your fault. if something happens to your friend it is not your fault. the fault will lie with him and him alone.

I know people think it's like you just call the police and they'll come sort it out but they often don't/can't and men will get violent if they think they've been dobbed in. I would ask for a DV charity's advice or SS first - with full intention of reporting to the police asap but just to get support to do so and to understand the process.

If you try to help in the way the professionals suggest (DV charities, SS and police), you can rest knowing you did the best you could with the guidance from professionals however it ends up.

Kids present means they are also the victim domestic violence. Report to Social Services.

Report. You have a duty to those children.

If she drops you, so be it but she has put herself in this position. She has appalling judgment.

Its a horrible situation to be in OP but if ever there was a time for moral courage this is it.

In my personal experience as a social worker you can report and ask for the info you give to be kept anonymous (ie not tell your friend where it came from). The social worker and other professionals are aware you are the source, but it allows them to understand the risk and to know that the information you are giving is, on balance of probability, accurate and trustworthy as you have no malicious reason to be passing this information to them. If you are the only person your friend has told she may figure out it was you but its usually confirmed by professionals.

Sharing the information also enables police / social care to do a referral to MARAC (chaired by police) which is a local multi agency domestic abuse case review panel which enables all services to share info, complete a risk assessment and devise a plan for family members. Your friend doesnt need.to consent to that referral. For example as a standard they may put a treat as urgent marker on the house so if anyone calls the police from or about anyone at her address it woll be treated as an urgent call out ,/ response needed.

I know this sound ms harsh but the little one might need to be removed for their safety. Please ring the police and social services. He could kill them both.

In life threatening situations our brains go all sorts of amazing things to protect us, including making us think strange things. Her reactions aren’t unusual even if they’re not logical from an outside perspective.

You have the benefit of being clearsighted op, with the safety to act in her and the dc’s best interests.

It’s all very well for people to say she should get him out. Being beaten around the head is a terrifying thing - if she couldn’t defend herself how would she persuade a volatile and violent psychopath to leave. Statistically her chance of being murdered will be highest when trying to leave or end the relationship.

This is why the police don’t need the woman to cooperate in order to prosecute.

I’d have to report it. He wants locking up.

Call the police right now. If anything happens to either her or her baby, you have blood on your hands too for being a bystander and doing nothing. It's harsh but it is the absolute truth. Her preferences are irrelevant when a child is involved. She has put her child at a high risk of abuse by allowing him to move in (after 2 months a big red flag, as well). She needs help. Call them.

I would be encouraging her to get a coil or implant fitted.
Shes insane to be actively trying to get pregnant even she must see that????

Separately the 2 yr old needs protecting. read the news. This man could easily kill her 2 yr old.
I would report to both police and social services and deny all knowledge of reporting it but say whoever did it wanted to help and maybe it could be a good thing.

You don't need to speak to the NDVA. Just call the police please.

Exactly what I was going to say.

Why are you not counselling her to get him out of her property, it will only get worse. If he's beating her up within 2 months of starting a relationship with her, he's going to end up killing her (and probably pretty soon too).

These are the men who end up in the news having caused 40+ injuries to their girlfriends' dead toddlers. You must report it to social services.

Why would she assume you had reported? If this happened in a place where it could be overheard a passerby or neighbour might well have reported it. A neighbour seeing her in public with a beaten face might report it to SS knowing she has dc.

Oh gosh what a sorry state, your poor friend and her poor little one. I was coming on to say can you ask the parents to support you to support your friend but I see you’ve already commented about her own family background. She is very vulnerable if this is a situation that feels familiar and normalised to her, which I assume it will be if this is how she’s seen her father treat her mother. You can be the one here to help break the cycle. Please pursue with Social Services and raise with Police. Even if it causes your friend to step back from you, you will make a huge difference and could be the one to help stop this spiralling and continuing to be normalised with the children and their own families as they grow.

Social Services will give her fair warning, him or the child. If she doesn’t get rid of him, they’ll remove the child.
So he’s from another country and beating her up 2 months in? He’s dangerous. Could you report him and see if his visa is revoked? Do you know where he works?

Please call the police and report what you have said here. Alternatively plase call children's social care and report the concern that the child in the house is in danger.
It's a way in for social care to make sure she gets the help she needs.
Might sound drastic but think of the consequences of something happens to her or her child. How many times have we seen dreadful stories in the papers.
X you

I'd report this to the police.

Call the police and explain what has happened to them.

The absolutely will support her. Removing children is a last resort. They will be very concerned though. I would be really explicit about the nature of the relationship and her injuries. Also that her child was in the house.