Friend has gotten really funny due to my weekend away with man

It has absolutely nothing to do with pearl clutching or being fragrant & delicate or using the word cock. It's everything to do with the Ops friend telling her she is 'choosing cock' which in the circumstances is a disgusting accusation.

I've only read the first page @Laurenn25, and I am tired so I'm going to give my response without even reading all of your posts, sorry.

I don't agree with most of the PP's on the first page, although I do partly agree with your friend, but only on one particular point. I do think that you are putting this new man in front of going away with your friend, but I think that your reasons for doing so are probably very valid.

If I had been single for 3 years, with no sexual male company in all of that time, I would be unashamedly desperate for some male validity that I was still attractive, and still sexually desirable. I would also be desperate to have a real, hopefully physically amazing, encounter with a man that I was sexually attracted to, and who's company made me feel both excited, and yet relaxed with, too!

With the best will in the world, and even though it would have been with my best female friend, a weekend with my best friend could not give me the sort of buzz that I think/hope I would get with a particular man, after a 3 year drought! So if your thinking OP is anything similar to mine just be honest with your best friend, and if she still can't appreciate your choice, then maybe she doesn't deserve the title of 'best friend' anymore?

NB: I am not going to apologise to any feminists for what my honest feelings and needs would be, if I had suffered from a 3 year drought!

I was on your side until I read the bit about you paying. If the man was covering everything then fine. But to spend your own money to see a man you just met over a good friend? Yeah, it’s kinda embarrassing and I don’t blame your friend for feeling hurt.

You said my user name "dimwitted" checks out while spelling "name" as "nym". Twice.

Brilliant! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Ah yes, the good old girls' nights are now girls' afternoons, because Big Male Chief showed up. 🙄

OP may not be obligated to go on holiday with her ‘friend’, but also, OP’s ‘friend’ isn’t obligated to be there when the cockfest ends.

I wouldn’t be.

Op isn’t obligated to go with her friend
might need to be a bit more honest as to why you don’t go with her
as the friend may think you’ve strung her along
better so saying no that this happening

but she’s not entitled to your going with her

OMG there was nothing arranged, no one has been ditched.
i could understand friend getting upset if op cancelled a booked or almost arranged holiday to swan off with new man but op hasn't.
I wouldn't get upset if Op ws my friend I'd be excited for her & it's probably a darn sight cheaper.
Friend has been on holidays with Op in the past & will do in the future.

I really don't get the pitchforks as it's not like OP is gonna dump the friend, they'll still spend plenty of time together.
If me & my long time friends can manage to accommodate each other then why can't others?
Yes it would be different if we constantly dumped each other for boyfriends/partners/husbands/other people but we don't.

She has a valid point and if you value her friendship, try be kind. But she also should realise that actually, in the throes of early relationships and everything new and exciting, it can sometimes take up a bit of spare time. While it's annoying it's understandable. That's the way I've looked at it when blown out by friends on occasion to be with their fellas.

Not the same, perhaps you can meet up when back and treat her to a pub lunch and a good old girls afternoon and catch up.

It's SO the dick sand with some people! 🤣🤣🤣

Not sure it's the reason with OP, though. OP, you have a communication problem. If you didn't want to go away with her, you should have just said so nicely. You could even have said that you can only afford one weekend away this year and that you're looking for a boyfriend, so want to save it for that, because you would so love a romantic weekend away. It's been years since you had one, and life as a single mum is usually anything but romantic. If she's a good friend, I'm sure she would have supported you in that aim.

But you kept her hoping, and now have crushed hope of a weekend away because of the new man. I can really understand how she feels.

I don't like the details you put about her bathroom habits and weight. If that's really the issue, maybe don't be friends with her. Or if you're suffering the consequences of not being a good communicator, own that, instead of taking it out on her.

As regards the unedifying details, there's nothing to say you had to go away in a cottage. No reason you couldn't have gone to a hotel and had rooms far away from each other. And you could have pretended to be the one that snores and you were saving her from you. There are ways to maintain your physical comfort without hurting someone.

Anyway, you weren't honest with your friend and now she's hurt. I hope you have a lovely weekend with your man, but I hope you either find a way to make things up with your friend, or end the friendship if you really are as disgusted as you sound by her weight, eating preferences, and bathroom habits. You make her sound like some disgusting pig. It might be a kindness to let her go and have more time to find friends who value her.

'She has made me feel a bit crap.' I bet she feels a lot crop.

Crapness scoreboard (because after all this is a contest, of the popularity variety ): BF 2, OP 1.

The friend was holding out for an expensive, extravagant holiday, according to OP. What OP had offered was not good enough for her.

OP still sees her weekly, and would have been happy with a 2 bed cottage break.

Idk what friend had asked for, but I have ex friends who used to push boundaries and try to prove their worth by setting up little tests and competitions...will you spend this much on ME, will you see ME instead of them, etc.

OP is not obliged to give up a sex life in order to overspend on entertaining a friend.

Oh it's the dick sand 😂

You’ve put a new man before your best friend. I do not blame her one bit for being pissed off. YABVU.

Makes me think of a Seventies man with a chest wig and gold necklace!

op hadn’t made friends with her friend though had she. She didn’t pull out of anything. She didn’t book anything with friend and booked with man instead. And that’s ok.

no one had ‘dibs’ on a person

Delightful. You sound charming

Closequarters cock.
Fixed it.

Nym? I don't know that word. What do you mean?

You call her your best friend but you don't seem to like her much.

Intimate luuuurve😁

But she hasn’t treated her friend badly st all? I completely fail to understand the enormous outcry here over what seems to me to be a total non issue. The OP was free to tell her friend a polite fib “I don’t have enough money for a trip with you at the moment “ and free to decide that circumstances being different she would like to go away with potential new boyfriend. Its simply not the friend’s business to comment aggressively snd spitefully anout the OP’s choice. It was extremely rude. I don’t think it is st all excused by presumed hurt feelings. The friend was not entitled to first dibs on OP’s money and time.

In any other case mumsnet eould be highly critical of this kind of dramatic, selfish, histrionic attack on OP for trying to have a sex life/social life three years after divorce. There must be something in the water right now to make the voting so lop sided.

"Because Bloke." 🤣 That just sums it up, doesn't it!

Does she know she's doing it? Has the group teased her about it or just simmered silently? You should all say to her "We get fed up with being dumped when we've made plans with you just because some random man comes along."

I'm with her. Can't stand friends who put their new man above you and pick constant plans with the man instead. Awful of you to arrange a weekend with a new man and not her. You'll want her around if he doesn't stick around.