Friend has gotten really funny due to my weekend away with man

No, I didn't. But it doesn't sound like OP really wanted to go away with her in the first place, for all sorts of reasons, and she hasn't been clear about this. Naturally to the friend it looks like she was just holding out for a better offer.

Your friend is right

Missed the part where friend didn't want to holiday within OP's budget?

Also: for the hard of reading on this site: she didn’t “relegate” her friend “to the bottom” of anything! No plans had been made! She cancelled or moved nothing! She does not “deserve to lose all her friends” at all. What a ridiculous, sulky, narcissistic take on a woman’s choice to resume dating.

As others have said, she’s upset because she has repeatedly asked you to go away with her and you’ve refused stating finances were an issue. Now suddenly you’re able to go with some guy you don’t even know, you’ve just met him. Surely you can see how this would hurt?

I don’t think that matters much. People here hammered her for not spending money to go away with the friend and she expanded on her reasons. She specifically did not say those things to her friend. The things she did say made them incompatible as travel companions—elsewhere on the site a woman has complained that she and her husband don’t want another couple friend to share in their “second honeymoon “ trip and she has described thd friend in quite similar negative terms (wants a diff trip, can’t walk far, too expensive) bit she has not been insulted and berated by mumsnet.

I think the “friend “ is an overreactive, selfish bitch, actually and if any woman berated me for choosing to have a bf with the phrase “sniff of cock” I would boot her out of my life. A friend would support OP’s moving on from her period of enforced celibacy.

I don’t see why you can’t see that.

It does. But people who value their friends don't relegate them to bottom priority just because they happen to be dating. Or if they do, they shouldn't be surprised if they end up with no friends at all.

A couple can be a family unit.

No one mentioned having a family. That’s not in everyone’s plans.

It's the way she has wanted to post sneering comments abut her "friend's" size, toilet issues and snoring - all of which are totally irrelevant to the thread because, unless she has said to the friend "I don't want to holiday with you because you are fat and stinky and you snore" then they are not even relevant to the friend's response which we are supposed to be considering.

We only need to know what was actually said and done and how the friend responded. OP just wanted to make fun of the friend, evident in the way she phrased them, as though we all wanted to enjoy having a sneery laugh about her friend. I'm not sure how you can't see that.

I’d be annoyed as well. You’ve but a bloke first who you’ve been with 5 minutes before a friend who you’ve know for years. I’d be pissed as well.

Whilst her phrasing is a bit crude she's not wrong from her point of view. It does very much look like to her that you've fucked her off for a new man. You've been saying for however long you can't make plans for a weekend away with her for financial and whatever reasons you gave her but now you have a new boyfriend suddenly you can go away with him but not her. I'd feel pretty put out if I was her too, I've been in similar position to her and it definitely changed how I viewed and prioritised my friendship with that person, even when their relationship ended.

“Never let friendships interfere with your relationship or worse your marriage. A true friend knows your partner in life takes priority.”

How about if the relationship is new and a flash in the pan? Never let your relationships interfere with lifelong friendships. You’ll be fucked when you need your mates again if they go tits up.

My DH had a long standing friendship with a few school friends. There was one particular guy in the group who obviously resented me after my now DH stopped attending their annual weekend away. We were young & it became too expensive. We did scrape together money to have the ocassional weekend away ourselves. It was obvious one guy in the group was jealous, even called me smothering to my face. After a few of those incidences my then DH decided enough was enough & stopped seeing them all.
Never let friendships interfere with your relationship or worse your marriage. A true friend knows your partner in life takes priority.

Yes she is.

She can see him any time.

She promised her friend that she would go away with her and is now prioritising someone else because he has a dick.

She’s choosing someone she’s known for a short amount of time over her long term friend because of his cock.

It is that basic.

All she had to do was tell the friend that she had no plans on travelling with her and this wouldn’t be an issue.

Not that any of this is true.

You’re a free agent, and a weekend away with a bloke is entirely different to a weekend away with a mate.

Do as you choose - you don’t owe her any explanations. She’s a friend - not your keeper. 🤷‍♀️

Only you know what you have actually been saying to your friend and how you have handled the situation
but you say you feel guilty and I think you are posting here in the hope you will feel less guilty....

It's never great to put a new relationship that may or may not last before a long standing friendship so if you deep down know you have done that just be more careful & thoughtful with friendships in the future.

Tell her your new relationship is not to be sniffed at.

It's not really though. There's a person attached to that cock. That person may be OP's future life partner.
Stop being so basic.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying “friend I love you but my budget for going away was £x/ a few low key nights at a cottage. I don’t have the budget for ££££fancy spa hotel, and you’ve shot down every suggestion in my budget. Even if I didn’t go away with NewMan, I still couldn’t have afforded a trip you wanted and you still didn’t want a trip I could afford.”

This. I’ve had a couple of ‘friends’ like these and a lot of the time they’re jealous of your relationship rather than being happy for you. Also why shouldn’t OP be excited to go away with a new squeeze?

She is though?

That’s literally exactly what she’s doing.

I can understand why she's put out, if you've led her to believe you MIGHT go for a weekend away with her and doesn't know you have reservations about the cost and sharing a room (both of which are normal, communicable issues).
It looks as if you were looking for an excuse not to do something with her and have taken the opportunity provided by the new man.
You probably need to do a bit of grovelling and perhaps suggest a lovely day out somewhere with her.

I do think there can be issues when friends go underground when they have a man and only pop up again when they break up. But it doesn't sound like that's you.

The real issue seems to be that you aren't holiday compatible with your friend but she is relying on you to be her holiday companion. From your description she sounds a bit entitled - wanting you to go on the sort of holiday she wants, not the sort you want and being upset you've found something compatible with a boy friend - but at the same time, it's not clear whether you've been unambiguous about where you stand holiday wise with her before now and whether she had good reason to think she was going to get a holiday with you this year.

I wouldn’t stand for being spoken to like that. That’s really vulgar.
I also don’t really agree with her notwithstanding the language. A weekend away with a romantic partner is a different context to one with a friend you’ve known along time. You’re in the exciting honeymoon phase of the relationship where you’re getting to know each other and deserve some time with your new man away from the kids and the rest of the world.
Shes acting like you’ve dropped the friendship, when you haven’t. She’s also speaking down to you. I’d tell her to mind her own fucking business if she carries on.