Friend has gotten really funny due to my weekend away with man

Thank you! It's been jarring on me every time I've seen it!

Yes, it's hard to escape the conclusion that this "friend" does not want OP to find happiness with a man. For all we know this guy could be "the one", and if not, what reason do we have to believe that the friend will behave any differently when "the one" does come along?

Her failure to respect OP's love life and her sneering reduction of the mating and reproductive urge to a "sniff of cock" speak volumes about her. Her argument requires every relationship between men and women to be reduced to casual sex.

But at the end of the day, we're a monogamous species and most of us find fulfilment in pairing off. For the propagation of the species, pair bonding and reproduction have always come before same-sex friendship. The stakes are much higher. The two are not on par and not in mutual competition. The solemn bond of marriage is unique - no such contract, public vows or ceremony apply to friendship. Real friends understand the difference and are happy to coexist with and support their friends' healthy romantic relationships instead of trying to insert themselves and compete for attention and affection.

Statistically it's safe to assume that some of the MNers supporting the "friend" would not even be with us had their own mothers not sensibly put their love life over the demands of such "friends" who tried to overstep the bounds of friendship.

YABU to say “gotten”.

She probably is a mixture of jealousy, anger at thinking she is being strong along and fear of the change to the friendship dynamic.

I know women of all ages who have at least one girl's weekend a year. Men have their time to usually hunting or fishing. Its not my thing though.

Yeah sorry OP, but I’ve ended a friendship over similar. Best friend couldn’t possibly find childcare, time or the money to go away with me, but posted pictures all weekend long of the trip she took with another group of friends. I took away two possibilities from that, she either just didn’t want to go away with me, in which case just say that, or, she didn’t actually like me that much, in which case just say that. The conclusion for both of those situations was that I was better off out the friendship.

No I’m suggesting the opposite. That’s why I wrote it.

Of course it's jealousy.

An extremely bitter and aggressive reaction like that could only be driven by jealousy.

Why jealous? why is that used everysingle time someone complains - I wonder if the person speaking of other people being jealous is projecting their own jealously of people who realise a woman's main goal in life is not bagging a man

Although I am married there are women whose are genuinley happly single and dont have childish baggage and jealously intent just because a man is spoken of in their presence

So why the need for the childish ''youse are just jealous'' it make someone sound like they are 12

I think there is a lot of very insecure people in this thread who are projecting their own jealousies and sense of entitlement onto the OP. 😂

It's very simple. The so-called "friend" is a cunt.

I eat a healthy diet and my shit still stinks.

Look, YANBU to prioritise a romantic weekend over a mates weekend given you’ve been single for 3 years. We all have desires and I’d hands down choose a weekend away with a new boyfriend - I’m going to assume there’s a lot more fun to be had!

Id be honest with friend. “I’d love to go away with you but I have an opportunity for a romantic weekend that I haven’t had in 3 years, so I’m going to take it. I can’t afford two trips right now but I’ll start saving so we can go away next year”. I think any reasonable person would understand - we all have needs.

Have fun!

The OP had not committed to going away with the friend. She had already told her she couldn’t afford it and suggested alternatives which the friend refused. The fact she is now going away with a new boyfriend is totally separate, and she has continued to see the friend, she hasn’t just dropped her. When my best friends became less available when I was young because they got into relationships I found it a bit upsetting at first if I was single because I knew they’d be less available to me but I got used to it and it didn’t mean we fell out. Yes boyfriends come and go but you give your friends space when they need it, you don’t throw a strop. And they do the same for you.

Not surprised she's upset

You chose to prioritise new boyfriend over her

And if she sees this thread, she'll drop you

You’d think she would be happy that you’re getting a sniff of cock tbf.

I think if she was a real friend she would understand. The dating world is tough for single mums and she should be happy for you. You could offer to do something cheap on another weekend or babysit her kids so she can go away with someone else another time

The test is when it all goes wrong, in general, then people expect the friends they have dropped to have to listen to the contstant drama of being dumped or whatever has gone wrong, being friends is about give and take or it should be

And no even when I was first with my husband I was still me a fully functioning adult who was capable of doing more than one thing

Good friends respect romantic relationships & give the couple space. It's even more important if it's a new relationship which requires time & effort to develop into something long term. There is no room for possessive or jealous behaviour. Before I was married I had a friend who would literally have a strop if she called & asked me to meet eg on a Friday night & I refused. I would suggest Saturday & it was usually a case of can you not change meeting....... to Saturday. It was incessant so eventually we parted company.

Well, personally I'll admit I do judge people who mess their friends around whenever there's a man on the scene, if (I said if) this is what OP is like as a friend. Because that's not how good friends behave.

The friend is clearly very hurt, either way, and that might be related to more than this incident.

No, although the posters defending the OP are the type of people who would take a non judgemental step back if their friend was single & had the chance to spend a weekend away with a potential Partner. Why would they interfere & make vulgar suggestions like 'choosing cock' in order to place a guilt trip on their friends decision to accept the date. The OP made the right decision but I'm not so sure about this particular choice of friend.

You could say that about anyone who posts, we don’t know them but we take what they say in good faith, we don’t assume they’re lying or what is the point? I believe most people post in good faith.

Speaking as a chap - if I had a single mate (who'd been single three years) and we were talking about going away for a weekend without ever committing to it, and he then informed me that he's started seeing someone and they're going away together so he can't afford to do a "lads weekend" as well, the reaction would be "good for you mate, hope it goes well, see you in the pub Saturday?".

Is this because male friendships are less committed/intense than female ones ?

We have no way of knowing how OP manages this friendship, or friendships generally. That's why I have been speculating on this and not stating my opinions as fact.

But that’s not what the OP said to her, is it? And from the sound of it she’d be better off without this so-called friend who doesn’t care whether the OP can afford the weekend or not and dismissed all her suggestions.