Friend has gotten really funny due to my weekend away with man

Well of course she would take it personally, you just said your reasoning is ‘you’re overweight and you snore’, why do you need to cite her weight even hypothetically? Slim people can snore too

Also there are ways to avoid that, you could get an AirBNB with separate rooms? I think if you just don't want to go away with her because you're not aligned on what to do, you could say that, but otherwise I do see where she is coming from. I have been your friend in this situation (not specifically the weekend but being somewhat ditched timewise for a very very new man after being there through thick and thin) and it does really hurt, and also affect the friend's willingness to step back in in future.

Ugh. She said that? I wouldn't want to go for a weekend with her either.

It’s a weekend away(which costs money and requires childcare), but in a different situation with a different person that she’d rather go away with = a better offer. For ‘fucks sake’ calm down, it’s not that deep.

How could she NOT take that personally? I mean, it's about her.

Chicks before sniffing dicks.

I am having a similar ‘conversation’ with my (adult) DD but if I go away with her I pay for us both and when I go away with b/f we split everything!

I think when someone doesn’t want to commit to a weekend away, people should take the hint and stop asking.

If someone told me there are ‘a few factors’ hindering them from going away with me, i would back away.

I see both sides.

I understand why your friend is hurt that you can't make time to go away with her but can make time to go away with your new bloke.

But I can also see that, as a mum, going away is a lot of effort and there are easier ways to see and spend time with your friend, whereas I assume you do quite fancy shagging your new bloke which really requires you to get in some time away from the DC. It's not comparable. So I think YANBU.

If someone said that to me I think it would be a friendship deal breaker 😂 but thankfully none talk like that

I would be happy for you, and hope you find happiness, you can't give your friend all of your free time, you've been away together before, and meet-up regularly, she sounds a bit clingy. There will be other opportunities to go away with her, but you need to think of yourself sometimes, The vulgar comment she made was insulting, you've been celibate for a while, having put your child first. Maybe she's jealous.

No, but there are tactful ways of putting things like that. Obviously.

Which is fine.

But would you string your friend along by letting her think you will book a trip with her, but never have the money, and then suddenly find the money to go away with your new bloke?

"Sniff of cock" is a horrible way to say it...but she has a point

To be honest I can see her point. You can go away with your new partner but not her. I understand about the affordability difference but you should have explained that to her. Do many people drop their friends when they enter a new relationship but expect their friends to be there if it does not work out and then are shocked that things arw different.

Ding ding ding.

Once again the only on mumsnet "friend" who can't stand their "friend."

If that's how you feel why the hell does it matter who is right or wrong here, what did you want from this?

She is being ridiculous and trying to ruin your weekend away.

I have a dear friend of 20 years, we get on great but I don’t like going away with her. Not because if who she is, she is great, but we just aren’t cut out to share a room and we have different ideas of fun.

It’s not fair of her to expect this of you, does she not have other friends?

And I agree a trip with a new boyfriend is very different to a trip with a mate - I can understand why you are more enthusiastic about that prospect but equally I think you could have handled the friend’s (perhaps unreasonable) expectations better.

No...but you could have put that you want your own room in a tactful way

It sounds like you have been loosely planning a weekend away with her for a while, but never committed, and other than finances, not given reasons as to why you havent committed but now you have a boyfriend, have suddenly found the money to go away with him and got it all planned and booked.

Can you not see why she's hurt and feels let down? Because I can.

It sounds like you don’t want to be as close friends as she does, tbh. Which is fine, but I think you have to be honest with yourself about it.

I agree re the trip with her that you should have been more honest and said “these options are too expensive for me, I can’t afford that as I’d need my own room - I’m afraid I’m a light sleeper and your snoring keeps me awake”.

But then I also would have been less honest re the trip with new man, and not mentioned it to her!

”A sniff of cock” is a horrible expression.

I think also this friendship may have run its course. It sounds like she wants to be very enmeshed as friends, and quite reasonably you don’t want that.

Of course you can tell her the snoring makes it very difficult to share a room.

Hope the new man doesn't snore 😆

I can understand why you'd want to go away with a new boyfriend, especially if you've got kids/there's no private place you can both be together for a weekend-you might feel the things you'd be doing with your friend you can do at home, but you don't want the new man at your place around your kids/where someone you know might gossip yet. Don't know if that is the case, but if so explain. I can see why she'd feel upset otherwise, but if you're serious about this man, maybe seeing him as a potential husband, I totally get why you feel upset she spoke about him like that.

Do you not think you allow her to get away with doing that though?

You could have said ‘I used to have a friend…..but I don’t see her much now as she didn’t value our friendship and was quick to drop me’.

You’ve admitted yourself it’s true that you could have gone away with her so you’ve answers the question of why she has an issue for yourself.

I have a friend who is an absolute nightmare when she’s seeing someone. She never answers messages, will never commit to future plans incase they get in the way of something with the current man and is just downright flaky.

It’s annoying and frustrating.

Can't you get separate bedrooms?