Well thanks for letting me know what I think, apparently. I thought there might be some middle moral ground for a husband in a marriage between a) having dumb luck and b) smugly taking all the credit. You know, the obvious stuff like listening to the advice of family and friends, working through conflict together, learning from mistakes etc. Turns out I'm both super lucky and smug to boot. Up to now I just thought I was just describing bog standard nitty gritty grind, nothing praiseworthy, just an expectation that everyone had to live up to. I grew up in a time when divorce was rare and almost every couple we knew just had to make it work and present a united front. And so they did.
It's also good to learn that there is apparently no problem worth mentioning of abusive, cheating or neglectful females in marriage or relationships, despite what we observe on social media - Tiktok springs to mind. No, abuse is all about men or it doesn't matter. Further, I'm delighted to discover I have acquired and maintained a rosy viewpoint, despite having to help family deal with dodgy spouses and despite all the shenanigans we see all around us on a daily basis. A lot of what I've just learnt will also come as a surprise to my good lady, who is sometimes my staunchest critic, but seems to have missed some of these points.
I also learnt that I lack awareness both that luck plays a role in life and also that things don't always work out the way we hope or deserve. Apparently I also think it's people's fault when marriage doesn't work out. I would have said I understood that commitment was necessary but not sufficient, but I now learn that I was mistaken about my own views. Strange then that I didn't say anything judgmental like that to OP, what with her being a single mum. It's almost as if I was only concerned with giving her the best shot at finding happiness.
I don't really care that you have such a poor opinion of me, dear dim witted skater, but I don't take kindly to people making up false and disrespectful ad hominems to score debating points.
No disrespect to anybody, but this experience has decided me to delete my account and get off Mumsnet for good. Being an old school guy I still foolishly (ok, rosily, you got me) expect people to respect the implicit rules of debate - e.g. treat your opponent with respect, play the ball and not the player, and deal with the best version of your opponent's case (steelman it as the kids say) instead of finding some rhetorical device to score points or to derail the debate into the weeds where we find ourselves right now. This is a triumph of hope over experience, because on social media you don't get to choose who you engage with, and if I thought the mothers of our children might be any different, well not necessarily, they're crooked timber the same as anyone else. (Except the ones who expressed support, obviously - you're golden haha).
So wear it as a feather in your cap, dim witted skater, that you've chased an awful male off of here, and spare a thought for my poor wife who is stuck with a smug so-and-so me. BTW I read her this and she told me just to say my piece, blow out a deep breath and don't read the replies. So I think she'll be OK.