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Original poster

To think Andy Burnham’s hairstyle is too middle of the road, he’s slightly too short, and should resign immediately after being appointed

321 replies

ChallengerTank · 22/06/2026 15:58

His hairstyle is neither classic or on trend. It’s just very ordinary.

I don’t know how tall he is but I sense he’s a few inches shorter than I’d want for a prime minister.

Given the above, I think it’s everyone’s interests that immediately after being asked to form a government by the King, he gets back in his car, does a three point turn on the Mall, goes back and resigns immediately.

OP posts:
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12
EasternStandard · 24/06/2026 16:36

I love the blind date article just says King of the North in place of his name and the hair and outfit of the date on the programme.

placemats · 24/06/2026 16:36

SerendipityJane · 24/06/2026 16:32

I'm more than happy with politicians - in fact people in general - who are prepared to change their minds when the facts change. Much better than just ploughing on with dogged inisistence.

Here, Andy Burnham is now looking at being PM. A material change in facts that entirely warrants a review of past decisions.

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What sort of nonsense is this?

It's satire and interesting.

5128gap · 24/06/2026 16:33

DrRylandGrace · 24/06/2026 16:27

Apologies @placemats I misinformed you. @5128gap has now shared with us the breaking news that there is one eyelash on each side, and even shared their locations!

I’m so excited!

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I'm very embarrassed. I meant eye brows. I'm unsure about the eyelash situation. I don't even know if pair means two if I'm honest. Could eyelashes be like pants, and pair used for the singular?

placemats · 24/06/2026 16:32

DrRylandGrace · 24/06/2026 16:27

Apologies @placemats I misinformed you. @5128gap has now shared with us the breaking news that there is one eyelash on each side, and even shared their locations!

I’m so excited!

Show quote history

You are talking shite. How can this possibly be? Traitor.

SerendipityJane · 24/06/2026 16:32

millymollymoomoo · 24/06/2026 15:42

Well he should resign on the basis of being biggest hypocrite around - after stating that there must be a general
Election after Boris was to forced to resign and it being unacceptable to have an I dedicated leader ….. still we all know Labour are biggest bunch of hypocrites around

oh and as well as his basic inability to read the room on benefits, tax, illegals blah blah which are all disastrous

I'm more than happy with politicians - in fact people in general - who are prepared to change their minds when the facts change. Much better than just ploughing on with dogged inisistence.

Here, Andy Burnham is now looking at being PM. A material change in facts that entirely warrants a review of past decisions.

placemats · 24/06/2026 16:30

DrRylandGrace · 24/06/2026 16:25

If the hyposthesis discussed above that his eyebrows are in fact aliens who have taken over his body is correct — which is more plausible than the hyposthesis that those are his real eyebrows — then “they” must be plural.

One would hope that his eyelashes are plural. It was suggested upthread that he has only two eyelashes (not sure if that’s two on one side and one bald side, or one on each side). No intel on whether they are also aliens or just fake lashes glued on.

As for their gender status, he hasn’t disclosed this yet. One would hope somebody will ask this at Prime Minister’s questions, given the public interest in this information being disclosed. On the face of it (LOL), it seems likely his eyelashes are gay if they haven’t managed to reproduce?

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So sensible and yet, people will actually not believe you and start riots.

Eyebrows and eyelashes flags will replace the St George's flag on lampposts and motorway bridges.

I feel sick even posting this. 😰

EasternStandard · 24/06/2026 16:29

DrRylandGrace · 24/06/2026 16:27

Apologies @placemats I misinformed you. @5128gap has now shared with us the breaking news that there is one eyelash on each side, and even shared their locations!

I’m so excited!

Show quote history

Haha

DrRylandGrace · 24/06/2026 16:29

CrotchetyQuaver · 24/06/2026 16:14

2016...

What happened to his nose? It looks like he’s been in a fight à la Reform MPs and their rent-a-thugs.

DrRylandGrace · 24/06/2026 16:27

DrRylandGrace · 24/06/2026 16:25

If the hyposthesis discussed above that his eyebrows are in fact aliens who have taken over his body is correct — which is more plausible than the hyposthesis that those are his real eyebrows — then “they” must be plural.

One would hope that his eyelashes are plural. It was suggested upthread that he has only two eyelashes (not sure if that’s two on one side and one bald side, or one on each side). No intel on whether they are also aliens or just fake lashes glued on.

As for their gender status, he hasn’t disclosed this yet. One would hope somebody will ask this at Prime Minister’s questions, given the public interest in this information being disclosed. On the face of it (LOL), it seems likely his eyelashes are gay if they haven’t managed to reproduce?

Show quote history

Apologies @placemats I misinformed you. @5128gap has now shared with us the breaking news that there is one eyelash on each side, and even shared their locations!

I’m so excited!

placemats · 24/06/2026 16:26

RedToothBrush · 24/06/2026 16:12

Now this is the type of thread that The Fail should pick up.

It'll be paid to read for. And people will actually do that. Where's Burnham's eyelashes/eyebrows when you need them?

DrRylandGrace · 24/06/2026 16:25

placemats · 24/06/2026 16:17

"They". Are Burnham's eyelashes non binary?

Like holey moley all peoples of the universe. Sorry for swearing.

Show quote history

If the hyposthesis discussed above that his eyebrows are in fact aliens who have taken over his body is correct — which is more plausible than the hyposthesis that those are his real eyebrows — then “they” must be plural.

One would hope that his eyelashes are plural. It was suggested upthread that he has only two eyelashes (not sure if that’s two on one side and one bald side, or one on each side). No intel on whether they are also aliens or just fake lashes glued on.

As for their gender status, he hasn’t disclosed this yet. One would hope somebody will ask this at Prime Minister’s questions, given the public interest in this information being disclosed. On the face of it (LOL), it seems likely his eyelashes are gay if they haven’t managed to reproduce?

5128gap · 24/06/2026 16:20

DrRylandGrace · 24/06/2026 16:03

Both of them?

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Yes, he has one slightly left of centre and one slightly right.

placemats · 24/06/2026 16:17

RedToothBrush · 24/06/2026 16:04

If they manage the country better than the lot we've had for the last few decades, I could go with it.

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"They". Are Burnham's eyelashes non binary?

Like holey moley all peoples of the universe. Sorry for swearing.

CrotchetyQuaver · 24/06/2026 16:14

2016...

To think Andy Burnham’s hairstyle is too middle of the road, he’s slightly too short, and should resign immediately after being appointed
RedToothBrush · 24/06/2026 16:12

Now this is the type of thread that The Fail should pick up.

DrRylandGrace · 24/06/2026 16:08

RedToothBrush · 24/06/2026 16:04

If they manage the country better than the lot we've had for the last few decades, I could go with it.

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I agree. All hail our new hairy slug overlords! If they have taken over Burnham’s brain they’ll certainly have raised his IQ, so perhaps there is hope for us all that we will finally have a competent politician.

Who knows how long the aliens will tolerate it though, before they become fed up with the stupidity of the British electorate and decide to take their prime ministerial pensions and retire to the purple beaches of Alpha Centuri.

< Sigh >

RedToothBrush · 24/06/2026 16:04

DrRylandGrace · 24/06/2026 16:02

Managed?

Applying Occam’s Razor it’s more likely that the “eyebrows” are parasitical creatures from another planet who have taken over his body.

It’s so sad that none of us realised that the films Alien and Mars Attacks combined were actually a prophesy of sorts trying to warn us.

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If they manage the country better than the lot we've had for the last few decades, I could go with it.

AInightingale · 24/06/2026 16:03

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 24/06/2026 15:35

There is a suggestion that Andy Burham may also have a cat called Mo.
If that's the case - he's obviously completely unsuitable to be PM if he can't even decide whether to be a cat or a dog person.

I thought he had a cat called Nellie? If he can't even name his cat straightforwardly, what hope is there for us?

DrRylandGrace · 24/06/2026 16:03

Gizimajob · 24/06/2026 16:00

His eyelashes are his saving grace.

Both of them?

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 24/06/2026 16:03

placemats · 24/06/2026 15:44

Reading the room is a skill.

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Sadly lacking in many 🤣

DrRylandGrace · 24/06/2026 16:02

CrotchetyQuaver · 24/06/2026 15:58

I'm sure I can remember way back in the 90's-00's his eyebrows were like a couple of crazy fat black slugs? I can't find a single photo to support that so I guess his people have had them all removed as part of his image making. Whatever his eyebrows are definitely "managed" these days ...

Show quote history

Managed?

Applying Occam’s Razor it’s more likely that the “eyebrows” are parasitical creatures from another planet who have taken over his body.

It’s so sad that none of us realised that the films Alien and Mars Attacks combined were actually a prophesy of sorts trying to warn us.

EasternStandard · 24/06/2026 16:01

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 24/06/2026 15:25

You made me google (because for some reason I thought he was gay) and I found this, which faintly amused me for a couple of minutes!

https://metro.co.uk/2026/06/20/andy-burnham-let-wife-go-blind-date-disastrous-28854256/

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This is funny

RedToothBrush · 24/06/2026 16:00

CrotchetyQuaver · 24/06/2026 15:58

I'm sure I can remember way back in the 90's-00's his eyebrows were like a couple of crazy fat black slugs? I can't find a single photo to support that so I guess his people have had them all removed as part of his image making. Whatever his eyebrows are definitely "managed" these days ...

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Do you think now he'll get monjaroed and new teeth as part of a makeover to please the London vote?

Gizimajob · 24/06/2026 16:00

His eyelashes are his saving grace.

DrRylandGrace · 24/06/2026 15:59

RedToothBrush · 24/06/2026 15:57

We should have a referendum on this but only people who live in the NW can vote.

I'm on the Yes side. I will help run the campaign if necessary.

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Make sure you get a bus and write something made up on the side. A bigly yellow bus. The king (the northern one) will help you fund it I’m sure, he loves buses.