Failing to manage work and childcare even when I am trying my best.

But that's you personally feeling guilty for working, plenty of women don't feel guilty for working. You just have a different mindset. If my kids are ill, I will try to sort any alternative childcare I can, and I will be off as last resort

you keep saying your dh does ‘a lot’ but that doesn’t actually mean anything.

is he taking off 50% of the times the children are sick?

I work for the NHS and pretty much every working mum i know with primary School aged kids is on stage one sickness protocol because if you have more than three episodes of sick a year, this means you’ve reportable.

No account taken for the fact that every winter there’s bugs going round. I’ve been on a stage one twice.

No advice I just wanted to show that you aren’t alone. Our household once at eight stomach bugs in a 12 month period. Pretty sure it was the norovirus every time.

So are you saying your dh wouldn’t get paid for that work conference if he had to look after his own children?

What if you had two husbands? What's the point of a what if?

You started a thread about your situation, not a general discussion about women in the workplace.

My husband does a lot and he earns a lot more so on a rare occasion he has got important event we have to take this into consideration and I had to be off work.

No, you didn't. You choose to put your job bottom of the pile and your employer rightly isn't standing for it.

If he is sick yeah. Weirdly the OP hasn't mentioned him catching all the bugs

Does your DH not get full sick pay? Sounds like he is in a corporate job with 'conferences' most offer decent sick pay

I'm finding it difficult now as well. Not so much with sickness but with working shifts and my work not being very accomodating with flexible hours. I've actually recently started paying a family member to watch my kid when me or her dad can't plus I have nursery days which aren't that helpful as I work late a lot. Otherwise I'll have to try and use AL through the year on days I can't get childcare. For your predicament, could you apply for other jobs more suitable if this job keeps making you ill?

How many days off are we talking?

Are you using sick leave or annual leave? Is there an option to use annual leave so your overall absences are reduced?

It sounds like WFH or building up a bank of hours to use flexibly isn't an option.

Unfortunately if your husband can't share the load at all, through WFH, annual leave or dependents leave, you need to raise the bar for what takes you and your family off sick. That can feel so cruel for small children, but if they're well enough to eat a breakfast and aren't vomitting / have a tummy bug, it's dose them up and send them in for a lot of parents. In an ideal world for infection control no one would do this, in reality every family I know does.

Try prevent infection through vitamins / probiotics / good hand hygiene where you can.

Have you had any discussions with your GP about why you keep getting so ill so often, or for so long? Appreciate you could have just been unlucky but unless you have an unusually draconian sickness policy it seems unusual to hit the triggers enough that your job is at risk, from day to day viruses.
I say this as someone who eventually got diagnosed with asthma as an adult, and I had to really push for it (on advice as a friend) because my regular GP assumed if it was possible that I would have been diagnosed much younger.

Why is it just your responsibility? Your dh should be taking equal sick days/ annual leave/ dependants leave.
the higher earner often has more flexibility and can make up time/ wfh.

Definitely agree with your last sentence. Women are still expected to work like we don't have kids, and have kids like we don't work.

If you need the income and it’s your job causing the illnesses then I’d start looking for another job now.

Unless youd family can manage on one income then your husband may need to find a way to juggle his Very Important Meetings in order to do his fair share of looking after his sick kids.

Do you need the job OP? As a family? If so then however much you may not have been able to justify DH missing a meeting in the past, you NEED to justify it now because it’s either he miss the meeting or you lose your job.

How many days off a) sick b) with sick children have you had off in last 6 months?

You don’t say how many days/occasions you have been sick and in what period.
Children’s illnesses shouldn’t be logged as sick leave for you - or are you telling work that you are sick so you can be off with sick kids? If you are, you need to stop that.
If your children are sick then your husband needs to take his turn at being off work.
Where do you work where picking up sickness is frequent? Is your immune system in need of a boost? What things do you do to try and prevent some
illnesses - vitamins, frequent hand washing, handwashing after public transport etc? It won’t eliminate everything but will go a good way.

What viral illness are you going off sick with?

Agree the salary split needs to be considered. But if you need to keep your job then you DH will have to step up. It sounds like while he’s done pick ups, you’ve taken all the kids sick days and that’s not fair or sustainable for your employer.

Surprisingly it has been me being sick first due to the nature of my work and then bringing the illness home.

What do you do for a living @Seasideparadise ?