Failing to manage work and childcare even when I am trying my best.

Actually they can - if you read the link you posted, it says there's no legal definition of what time can be taken off but that it has to be "reasonable", and despite being asked several times OP's preferred not to say how much work time has been missed

Maybe I'm lucky in only having had to do this once, but I can assure you it definitely is possible

So you’re expecting parents with sick children to find someone else to look after them??
OP, I’m with you, if my children were ill off school I’d look after them myself, I would not expect others to have them!

Can you protect yourself from the bugs at work so you don’t catch illnesses as frequently? More frequent hand washing/wearing a face mask etc? Do you have a weakened immune system that means you’re susceptible to viruses?
children are basically petri-dishes with legs. I know it may not be practical but anything you can do to minimise risk, may help.

I am sorry that you are experiencing this at work. It always worries me when non-health professionals recommend people taking a multivitamin... these may not be recommended if you are on medication. I would suggest speaking to your GP. I guarantee they will say, viruses etc are inevitable, healthy people do get sick and you should follow sick day rules. Ask your employer to carry out a comprehensive risk assessment regarding risks of allowing children to remain in the nursery with symptoms of illness. You also have the legal right to take unpaid leave for parental responsibilities which I know is not ideal, but you can't be disadvantaged if you need to look after your kids. If you could survive doing agency instead, this may be a great option but I'd want to know if there is the demand in your area before leaving a permanent post. Good luck.

Agree your DH needs to potentially help more but there are so many variables.

this v much depends on your salaries and the type of jobs you have.

if he is earning a much higher salary and his job requires travel, long days, client meetings etc and is v demanding then that is the priority job. It’s unfair but the way it goes.

And if there are no grandparents or aunts etc to help, and you have no room in the house for say an au pair then things become harder.

if all of the above applies then sadly it can mean the only option to keep sanity at bay and the house ticking is that you find a job that allowed some WFH, part time if you can afford to. Or you stop completely to be a full time SAHP. It’s unfair and pants but often the only option.

Infrastructure, childcare costs etc need a reform to allow both parents to fully commit to their work.

OP it sounds awfully like you've been ringing in 'sick' not only when you are poorly yourself, but also when your children are poorly?

Thats not appropriate. If its not you yourself thats poorly you should be asking to use annual leave, or unpaid leave. Im afraid as a parent of young childen you do have to hold by 5-10 days of annual leave not for holidays but for when your children are ill, thats just life as a parent. You absolutely ahould reach a point where your kids immune systems strengthen and they don't get ill so often - my kids havent had more than a light cold (which isnt enough to stay off school) in years

So you're making minimum wage and stressing it? Just quit.

This. You can get someone off bubble in literally 10 minutes in any major city.

But she shouldn't be taking sick leave when it's not her ill.

I think it’s the expectation that parents have a back up plan which is so unfair as it’s really down to luck as to whether you do rather than poor planning. I work just 2 days a week and work as much as possible when I know my DH is off to try and minimise the absences I take. I nearly didn’t return to work because of previous stress over absence when the kids sick. The culture did seem to change a lot thankfully in Covid when all those who assume everyone has a spare grandparent on standby for such events suddenly couldn’t use their back up plan

Single working parents are quite literally superheroes have no idea how they do it

He won't be on a warning because he's only taking sick leave for himself. The most he will do when the kids are sick is work from home "if he can". If he "can't" because his bosses wouldn't like it then OP has to be the one to take parental leave, hence she's the one on a warning for absence.

I don’t think OP wants advice, she wants permission to leave her job

So is he on a warning for time of sick from work also then,? As if so I can't see how he can't take off more time over the next 6 months

Nurseries are notorious for poor conditions for workers, you have my sympathies.

Yiu probably do this but I work with children and am constantly washing hands, using sanitiser and never eat anything at work without washing my hands thoroughly first. I also take vitamins, drink a lot and really look after yourself when I first feel ill. You’ve still not said how old your children are.

But arent they catching stuff from the nursery kids and being off sick for themselves?

And you havent said about your husband catching everything from you and the kids and being off sick. Whats he doing differently

the point wasn’t children, it was about how regularly you are getting ill at work.

are you going to answer any of the other, more important, questions? Or are we all just wasting our time here?

I have found its not so much that they grow out of it, but that from about age 11/12 they can be left unsupervised to get over it. With Instruction of course!

I was made redundant when my DS13 was 9 months old as I went back early at EMPLOYERs request. Hurridly found a child minder for the kids (dd17 was preschool) and literally 2 weeks in, ds gets a vomiting bug from the childminders kids. I am off 2 days...and those 2 days were classed as NORMAL sickness for terms of redundancy calculations - so m maternity cover got me job!

Anyway...If OP is fired, I am sure that a word with ACAS might clear up the position considering she is taking infection home from a nursery where they are keeping infectious kids in. Not saying kids dont need to get immune systems, but there are rules for reasons. Imagine if a school let kids stay with d&v.

For the taking bugs home - can you change at work? Can they wash uniforms (I assume you have like polos and work trousers? If they are going to insist on having sick kids, then they need to take steps as well.

I found that sambucol is good. But I still get variations of bugs - like when I started here there were 2 people with kids. So I had their new kids bugs to catch when they came in ill from their kids making them ill etc. But after a year I was fine. Still get sniffly if I am in a crowd though.

It’s probably the last minute nature of the absences and ratios that is the issue for the employer rather than the type of leave being used.

Can you get annual leave instead of sick leave? I appreciate it sucks but as an alternative. Also I know it’s not ideal but I have sent my kids so many times a bit sick at school cause I had to go to work. Calpol and off they go. I had no issues. The kids coped well and the school didn’t even call me. It could something you can do if they are not very ill with fever of course. It might also worth going to the GP to do some bloods and check if you need any supplements to boost your immune system.

Your dh doesn’t seem to get the bugs as much as your dc

so he needs to take time off if they are poorly

i am still shocked your workplace doesn’t follow the 48hr rule and sure ofsted would say something

in your situation I would be looking for a different childcare setting to work in

There are a couple things to unwrap here.

firstly taking emergency time off for dependents is a statutory right, and should not be included in any sick leave calculations.

how many occurrences have you had in the last 12 months where you have been unwell (don’t include the children in this). Time off for dependents however is usually just the emergency part, and then you can reasonably be expected to make alternative arrangements. Like you I don’t have family who can help, however I include my husband is that arrangement. You are both parents and this responsibility to your children is a shared one. Both taking turns in this will ease the burden.

with your sickness, they would have to follow a fair process and go through a few stages around capability first (I assume you have 2 years emolument service/ history). have you been invited yet to a formal stage 1 process?

acas have good information around sickness and capability, and also rights to statutory time off.

please get your husband onto the narrative that he is their parent too though.

If you actually want advice, OP, the key information we need is:

• How long have you been employed there?
• How much absence have you had (days/occasions) split by sickness and dependents’ leave?
• Have they started formal absence procedures (presumably they have given reference to limited absence for the rest of the year)? Which stage are you at?
• Is there a reason you can identify that your absence is at problematic levels compared to other colleagues who aren’t getting as ill as regularly as you are?
• Are there ways you can limit contact with others in your household when you are unwell (and vice versa)?
• How often is your husband away?

There is also a “work” board where you tend to get more HR and legal people that can advise rather than AIBU where you’ll often get general opinion rather than professional advice.