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AIBU?

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Witnessed fight and nobody did anything

88 replies

ComeOnNowww · 22/06/2026 10:49

We live next to a quiet pub, but it's been much less quiet in recent weeks.

Went to window and there were 10 peole having a scrap in middle of road. In 40s and 50s. Irish (from their shouts) and probably from traveller community - i only say that as that affects how open they'd have been to police interference i guess?

They are all fighting and punches being thrown.Pretty chaotic. My husband is stood behind me also watching. For about 30 seconds, until I kick into action and call 999. A woman is dragged from the scrap and becomes clear it's all about one bloke against the woman. He manages to pin her up against the fence, (others trying to hold him back) and he headbuts her properly. I am narrating all of this to the police on the phone saynig i am witnessing a woman being hit and headbutted in the street.

Husband is behind me (we are by our front door) telling me to get off the phone and stay out of it!! a woman is being assulted in the street! After the headbut the other men manage to sit on the bloke and drag him away and once that guy is dragged away to further down the street - everything becomes calmer v quickly. I tell the police that the violence has stopped andwoman is crying and everyone is comforting her, the man can't be seen. Lots of shouting randomly and chaos still. think the bloke is some way down the stretet shouting things.

The call handler says "can i confirm the fight has dispersed" and i say yes - and then they say thank you for the report and of course no police appear at any point. Call handler ended call pretty quickly.

Both my own husband and the police seem remarkably unconcerned about the assult. I mean to be fair by the time they would have arrived - the people would have probably gone. I don't have a ring doorbell or anything.

I feel a bit dismayed at both my own husband the police. AIBU to expect more a response?

OP posts:
LetMeStayInBed · 22/06/2026 14:57

My next door neighbour and wife were driving home one evening and saw a man assaulting a woman on the pavement on the opposite side of the road. He stopped his car to help the woman and got beaten up so badly by BOTH of them and a few more that turned up that he was in a coma and never recovered.
It sounds like under these circumstances there were enough people outside to stop it - your dh would most likely not have come away unscathed if he had involved himself.

NasiDagang · 22/06/2026 14:49

Comprehension issues on Mumsnet. People should really understand the post before commenting!!

IslandAdventure · 22/06/2026 14:23

WeatherOrNothing · 22/06/2026 13:59

Exactly!I would have stopped my husband from intervening and just called the police. Why didn’t you go stop him?? You expect someone to take on a violent person?

RTFT or at least all of the OPS posts. She didn’t want or expect him to do anything. Just not be so blasé and not try and stop her from phoning 999.

Luckily the man was restrained by people around. Had they not been able to do that, the police arriving might have saved her life.

DoodIeBug · 22/06/2026 14:01

Irish (from their shouts) and probably from traveller community

You can't say this!

WeatherOrNothing · 22/06/2026 13:59

MajorSamanthaCarter · 22/06/2026 11:06

What did you want your husband to do, go out and get his face smashed in?

Exactly!I would have stopped my husband from intervening and just called the police. Why didn’t you go stop him?? You expect someone to take on a violent person?

WilliamsandWatsonTooLateNSoul · 22/06/2026 13:53

downloadtoad · 22/06/2026 10:55

I would be really disappointed in my husband too but I also wouldn’t want him going out there incase they jumped on him. You did the fight thing calling the police op, unfortunately I think that’s all you could do.

If they're all known to each other they'd turn on an outsider in the blink of an eye .
Report by all means physical intervention no way.

Quine0nline · 22/06/2026 13:50

Ooohletsgo · 22/06/2026 11:18

I once rang the police in a similar situation. I was then threatened with violence by the same woman who was originally having her head stomped on because her boyfriend was now facing prison time.

What baffles me is all the women who say “DH didn’t do anything, didn’t try to stop them” … well why didn’t you? Why don’t you go out there and stop 10 men beating up a woman? Even if it’s one man. Instead of expecting someone else to do it and then complaining and questioning your marriage, why don’t you do something other than yelling down a phone from the safety of your home.

You would almost think that there were "no go zones " in this country and different levels of police response /or no response for certain groups. Tut tut.

Backtoday · 22/06/2026 13:41

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I think @ThejoyofNC is a traveller. She compared ‘our culture’ to ‘yours’ in the post you quoted. I’d say her awareness is high.

Jamesblonde2 · 22/06/2026 13:30

So you also didn’t think of the repercussions of being a witness either?

OP, you’ve had a lucky escape.

Jamesblonde2 · 22/06/2026 13:29

Irish travellers you say?
And you wanted your DH to intervene?
Have you thought about the repercussions of this for you, your DH and (if you have children) and your home when they find out where you live?
You haven’t, have you?

StarPyjamas · 22/06/2026 13:15

ComeOnNowww · 22/06/2026 11:46

i didn't want my husband to run out, but i was surprised by how he didn't want me calling the police. i do understand it's not a clear cut thing. but i would say both husband and police could be summed up as kind of shrugging shoulders - "ah it's dispersed now". people are right - i haven't ever seen a woman headbutted before - it was brutal - and i thought there would be more of a response. we live in countryside. no cctv.

It seems a bit odd that you decided to stand by your front door and advertise you were on the phone to the police.

You could've given the running commentary from your window.

And 'Nobody did anything' isn't true.

Fallbuy · 22/06/2026 13:14

You did the right thing to call the police and your husband is unreasonable. I wouldn’t have done anything beyond calling the police, it’s not worth getting beaten or stabbed for.

EdgarAlien · 22/06/2026 13:14

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purplecorkheart · 22/06/2026 13:09

I wonder was you husband concerned that if the people attended the scene they may call to your house and this could cause issues. If this man was capable of headbutting a woman God knows what else he could do.

IslandAdventure · 22/06/2026 13:06

ComeOnNowww · 22/06/2026 11:46

i didn't want my husband to run out, but i was surprised by how he didn't want me calling the police. i do understand it's not a clear cut thing. but i would say both husband and police could be summed up as kind of shrugging shoulders - "ah it's dispersed now". people are right - i haven't ever seen a woman headbutted before - it was brutal - and i thought there would be more of a response. we live in countryside. no cctv.

Hope you are ok. Quite traumatising seeing that. Well done for trying to do something.

IslandAdventure · 22/06/2026 13:05

Backedoffhackedoff · 22/06/2026 12:20

No I don’t mean that because I don’t want or need your feedback. How supremely patronising. How do you get through life talking to people like that?!

Matching tone for tone.

IslandAdventure · 22/06/2026 13:04

Shatteredallthetimelately · 22/06/2026 12:21

As unreasonable as it sounds I'm afraid I'm with your DH on this one, had he of interfered you'd probably be, at best, sat by him while he lay in hospital bed.

She didn’t want him to intervene directly from what I can glean. Just be supportive - or neutral even - about her calling the police.

IslandAdventure · 22/06/2026 13:03

EdgarAlien · 22/06/2026 11:42

Have you any awareness of how women in the travelling community talk about these kind of attacks to anyone trying to get a prosecution on their behalf?

check it out, so you can understand what ‘ downplaying’ is.

It doesn’t matter. For years the culture in the U.K. was that it was ok to abuse women to keep them in line and get what you want. It was legal for a man to beat his wife with a stick no wider than his thumb until the mid 70s I think. Women accepted it and some supported it. Some women fought against the suffragette moment and agreed they shouldn’t have the vote. It’s internalised misogyny.

It doesn’t make it right. We shouldn’t dim our outrage as a result.

HumberSquid · 22/06/2026 12:42

ThejoyofNC · 22/06/2026 12:20

Can we not make this about ethnicity please? A man beating up a woman in public in broad daylight was not due to being a traveller. It's no more acceptable on our culture than it is in yours.

I hope the woman finds the help she needs and you obviously did the right thing.

Threats of reprisals (and the fear of them) are however due to traveller culture - let's not downplay that.

StrawbreweryShortcake · 22/06/2026 12:33

I'd call the police, but depending on the situation, I might not be public about it, and maybe that's what your husband was thinking, too. Some people don't take kindly to the police being called, even under circumstances where it's called for. My instinct would probably be self-preservation, and part of that is not drawing unwanted attention to yourself from people who are already behaving like wild animals.

Backedoffhackedoff · 22/06/2026 12:29

ThejoyofNC · 22/06/2026 12:20

Can we not make this about ethnicity please? A man beating up a woman in public in broad daylight was not due to being a traveller. It's no more acceptable on our culture than it is in yours.

I hope the woman finds the help she needs and you obviously did the right thing.

Domestic violence is endemic at even higher levels in travelling communities than the rest of the population. Let’s not ignore that, it needs to change.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 22/06/2026 12:21

As unreasonable as it sounds I'm afraid I'm with your DH on this one, had he of interfered you'd probably be, at best, sat by him while he lay in hospital bed.

ThejoyofNC · 22/06/2026 12:20

Can we not make this about ethnicity please? A man beating up a woman in public in broad daylight was not due to being a traveller. It's no more acceptable on our culture than it is in yours.

I hope the woman finds the help she needs and you obviously did the right thing.

Backedoffhackedoff · 22/06/2026 12:20

IslandAdventure · 22/06/2026 11:32

Do you mean ‘I’m sorry I downplayed an attack on a woman that could have killed by calling it a ‘fight, and thank you for your feedback’?

You are saying it’s not being downplayed whilst using language that downplays it.

I can move on but I would ask that you just pause and consider it before you do.

No I don’t mean that because I don’t want or need your feedback. How supremely patronising. How do you get through life talking to people like that?!

Backedoffhackedoff · 22/06/2026 12:20

Double post