AIBU to think my friend should mind her own business?

Thatsalineallright · 25/06/2026 17:30

BauhausOfEliott · 25/06/2026 13:44

But the OP has a husband who does all the cooking, so why can't he be the one to teach the kids how to cook? Why do you think he isn't already doing so?

The OP isn't the only parent in the house; she just happens to be the female one. That doesn't mean she's the one who takes on the role of teaching the kids about domestic stuff.

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You'll notice I did mention the DH teaching the kids to cook. But ultimately I think it's important that both parents model to kids that all adults should know how to cook and can feed themselves if necessary.

It would be more effective if the kids knew both mum and dad can cook (even if one does the majority of the cooking, that's fine) rather than dad cooks and mum can barely boil an egg.

ETA: I also was suggesting OP learn to cook alongside her kids as a fun activity. Dad could teach them all, surely?

BauhausOfEliott · 25/06/2026 13:44

Thatsalineallright · 24/06/2026 18:46

You say you didn't know how to fry an egg until uni. Is that something you want for your own children? Perhaps consider learning to cook a few simple meals together with your kids. They might really enjoy the activity and learning alongside you. Or if you really don't want to cook, ask your husband to get the kids involved when he prepares meals.

My DH is from a culture where it's normal to have a housekeeper doing an the cooking and cleaning. His parents never did any of it. Now as an adult he's had to learn everything from scratch.

Tbh it made me very hesitant to actually date him, it was only his willingness to learn and always pitch in that made me look past it. It was still a turn off to have to explain how to chop an onion or clean a fridge. Luckily he learned fast, helpless adults aren't attractive.

Basically, you'd be doing your kids a massive favour by actually preparing them for adult life.

But the OP has a husband who does all the cooking, so why can't he be the one to teach the kids how to cook? Why do you think he isn't already doing so?

The OP isn't the only parent in the house; she just happens to be the female one. That doesn't mean she's the one who takes on the role of teaching the kids about domestic stuff.

Thatsalineallright · 24/06/2026 18:46

You say you didn't know how to fry an egg until uni. Is that something you want for your own children? Perhaps consider learning to cook a few simple meals together with your kids. They might really enjoy the activity and learning alongside you. Or if you really don't want to cook, ask your husband to get the kids involved when he prepares meals.

My DH is from a culture where it's normal to have a housekeeper doing an the cooking and cleaning. His parents never did any of it. Now as an adult he's had to learn everything from scratch.

Tbh it made me very hesitant to actually date him, it was only his willingness to learn and always pitch in that made me look past it. It was still a turn off to have to explain how to chop an onion or clean a fridge. Luckily he learned fast, helpless adults aren't attractive.

Basically, you'd be doing your kids a massive favour by actually preparing them for adult life.

Original poster

MounjaMum · 24/06/2026 10:15

Quick update: Thank you everyone who have commented. May be I did not express things well in my original post and it may have come across that I am very spoilt and treat my husband badly and that as a 46 year old woman I should not be hinting. May be hinting was the wrong word. I could have asked directly, true but I just said that I liked a bag and it was a shame I could not afford it and he gave me his card. It was one time, I was not hinting and hinting, so may be hinting is the wrong word.

I work and my wages is my pocket money. This is why I said I was short until payday. I can use our joint current account money but I try not to. We both agreed that the inheritance will not be touched, and we do not need to touch it, we have other savings. I keep saying WE as it is OUR money. My husband earns very well, no mortgage so he is happy to buy things for me. I buy him things all the time. I literally do all his clothes shopping. We have a good marriage despite what people on here think. And even if I did have money, why can he not buy me things?

My children had 1 week of 'shit' food as people call it, I do not see the harm in that. The amount of activities they do, they are not gonna suffer long term effects of shit food. My husband loves cooking, he chooses to cook for us - why should I cook? Just because I do not cook, does not make me a bad wife or a bad mother. Growing up I never had to do chores, I never fried an egg until I went to uni.

Posters response on here have made me think a lot (although I still do not get the outrage)- I have spoken to my mum and my siblings but they cannot understand the outrage either. So I will put that down to a cultural difference.
To those who are in a similar position and understands what I was saying in my original post, thank you for your support. ❤

OP posts:

Squirrel60 · 24/06/2026 09:43

You are NOT being unreasonable.

The money belongs to you and your husband, not your so-called ''friend''.

It was very generous of your husband to give you the money for your handbag or anything else.

I totally fail to understand how it's any business of your ''friend'', and she even told you to stop going out so much! What right has she to demand such things? None!

Tell her to her face ''You're obviously insanely jealous and are suffering from a severe case of green-eyed-monster, so sod off and mind your own bloody business!''

TiredMummma · 23/06/2026 21:09

You are married, imply you have children and that your husband possibly earns more. If you are comfortable why not eat out a bit more, buy something you want. Entirely normal

littlemisspigg · 23/06/2026 20:10

MounjaMum · 22/06/2026 10:05

Last month I spent £540 in going out. That does not include when we go out as a family and my husband pays. I wanted a new handbag as I was running shot and didn't want to dip in savings so hinted to my husband and he gave me the money towards it. My friend said that it was unreasonable of me to do so.
She is saying that I should stop going out so much and should have left it till when I have the money. I am actually upset by the way she said it and told her as much and she is saying that I am acting like a spoilt 'bitch' - her exact words.
Am I being unreasonable in thinking that she should mind her own business!

Gently OP, maybe she's a true friend and trying to help you see some financial sense....dipping into savings to buy a handbag doesn't sound reasonable really, but them I'm probably a lot older than you are. And you probably have more money than I do!
If you just want a friend who agrees with everything you say or do, maybe look elsewhere...
Hugs 🤗

boringperson123 · 23/06/2026 18:57

It sounds like you overshared in the first place so can’t really be annoyed - boundaries blurred

elfendom1 · 23/06/2026 09:19

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Namechangefordaughterevasion · 23/06/2026 07:50

Hinting in adults is manipulative and immature, especially between couple with shared finances. If I want something (and I'm no stranger to an expensive handbag) I buy it if I know we can afford it or I go without. If it's a particularly extravagant purchase I might say to DH 'I'm thinking of getting x but it's expensive'. Generally he'll just shrug and say OK or he might suggest I delay for a couple of months until we get big expenses settled. Once in a blue moon he's expressed the opinion that I must be mad and we do t have that kind of money - and he's right!

We are reasonably well off and I'm lucky enough to enjoy a lot of life's luxuries but I don't go boasting about it to my friends or telling them how much I spend on things. That's crass.

rainingsnoring · 23/06/2026 07:02

The point of your post was to question whether your friend was unreasonable to comment and call you spoiled. As she is very close friend (according to your own assessment), she was accurate and reasonable (perhaps not to use the word bitch but it depends on the tone and the way the two of you tend to speak to each other). To be fair, it sounds as if she is also rather spoiled.

What I find very odd and would be extremely grating to most people is that someone who is v wealthy through inheritance would:
-Have a converation with a friend about how broke they are and how they can't go out until pay day. That is a very distasteful thing to do.
-'Hint' to their husband that they want him to buy them a bag rather than either pay themselves given large amount of savings or be direct with husband and ask in a normal way.

Apart from that, I think most people find it very strange for a parent to take their DC to eat out every evening because they can't cook even a simple meal. This also makes you sound very incapable and spoiled.

maxslice · 23/06/2026 06:44

MounjaMum · 22/06/2026 11:26

Posters are so harsh. If I had said I got the handbag as a present, no one would have been so mean in your comments I bet.

Because you wouldn’t have been going on about money.

maxslice · 23/06/2026 06:42

SandyHappy · 22/06/2026 11:25

I can assure you there was no manipulation. 'lower myself and perform' - you sound very angry

yet also:

I did not 'need' a handbag. I liked it and I said to my husband I liked it and 'shame I cannot afford it now' and he said I can have it if I really wanted it.

If you wanted it and you'd ran out of money for the month why not just say that, your 'shame I can't afford it now' is 100% performance, as is 'hinting'. I assume if you ask outright you may not get the result you want so you have learned if you perform this little act he will give you what you want.

It is obviously normal in your marriage and something you have to do, which is why you do it. But not all women will see that as something to be proud of.

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For myself, I don’t believe in hinting. I don’t want other people hinting to me to give them money. Not even in my marriage. An article I read called it “Dry Begging”. And I agree that if you aren’t prepared for someone else’s opinion, don’t share that information with them. I can see that the friend sounded rather harsh. But OP kind of left herself open to it.

IAmTooOldFor · 22/06/2026 22:51

MounjaMum · 22/06/2026 21:46

I am going to try and explain a few things then leave at as it seems no matter what I say, majority find something else to pick.
A pp said I was from a different culture...correct. my mum's grand parents came here and did really well in a very lucrative business...they started from scratch. My paternal grandparents were very comfortable too. My parents got lots of help and in turn also did really well financially and in their careers. I am from a culture where children don't do housework etc we concentrate on studies and pretty much get everything done for us. We had cleaners etc...pretty standard.
May be I grew up sheltered but growing up most of my friends were. That does not make me tone deaf...I am aware of a col crisis but what is unfair is people think it is ok to insult me because of my privileges but most of you think it is ok for footballers, singers, Richard Branson etc..noone seems to be insulting them!

I can and could afford the bag. I have access to money. I have savings that is fixed but also instantly accessible ones. We also have joint savings. My husband is a well off man, I am not taking his last pennies for my bag. He was happy to give me his card. I chose not to use my savings, why? I have no idea, just because he was there and there was no need for me floor transfer money from different accounts.
I think many people missed the point of this post but I cannot say I am surprised. I still take on board everything you said.
To those who understood and were helpful. Thank you!

With patience OP, I think you’ve answered your own original question and scored a bit of an own goal even if you don’t have the self awareness to own it!

Your husband says (with love) that you are spoiled, at no point in your life have you ever been accountable for looking after yourself or your dependents, and you get what you want when you want it!!

Your friend is likely either of British heritage or more assimilated than you and realises that this is not in any way typical in the UK - particularly I might add IME of families from “old money”. Given that she’s not wrong about the spoilt bit I don’t think you can describe her calling you out on it as unreasonable even if you found it uncomfortable. Fair enough if you’d rather she didn’t include the word bitch.

Tortephant · 22/06/2026 22:31

MounjaMum · 22/06/2026 21:46

I am going to try and explain a few things then leave at as it seems no matter what I say, majority find something else to pick.
A pp said I was from a different culture...correct. my mum's grand parents came here and did really well in a very lucrative business...they started from scratch. My paternal grandparents were very comfortable too. My parents got lots of help and in turn also did really well financially and in their careers. I am from a culture where children don't do housework etc we concentrate on studies and pretty much get everything done for us. We had cleaners etc...pretty standard.
May be I grew up sheltered but growing up most of my friends were. That does not make me tone deaf...I am aware of a col crisis but what is unfair is people think it is ok to insult me because of my privileges but most of you think it is ok for footballers, singers, Richard Branson etc..noone seems to be insulting them!

I can and could afford the bag. I have access to money. I have savings that is fixed but also instantly accessible ones. We also have joint savings. My husband is a well off man, I am not taking his last pennies for my bag. He was happy to give me his card. I chose not to use my savings, why? I have no idea, just because he was there and there was no need for me floor transfer money from different accounts.
I think many people missed the point of this post but I cannot say I am surprised. I still take on board everything you said.
To those who understood and were helpful. Thank you!

BUT, your post was about your friends comment.

your friend was being a proper friend, hard to come by these days, that is close enough to you to genuinely call you out when you need it. You are risking losing this precious friendship over your reaction.

anotheruser124 · 22/06/2026 22:00

Isittimeformynapyet · 22/06/2026 21:57

I know. I'm agreeing with you!

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Ah ok, sorry I misunderstood.

anotheruser124 · 22/06/2026 21:59

MounjaMum · 22/06/2026 21:46

I am going to try and explain a few things then leave at as it seems no matter what I say, majority find something else to pick.
A pp said I was from a different culture...correct. my mum's grand parents came here and did really well in a very lucrative business...they started from scratch. My paternal grandparents were very comfortable too. My parents got lots of help and in turn also did really well financially and in their careers. I am from a culture where children don't do housework etc we concentrate on studies and pretty much get everything done for us. We had cleaners etc...pretty standard.
May be I grew up sheltered but growing up most of my friends were. That does not make me tone deaf...I am aware of a col crisis but what is unfair is people think it is ok to insult me because of my privileges but most of you think it is ok for footballers, singers, Richard Branson etc..noone seems to be insulting them!

I can and could afford the bag. I have access to money. I have savings that is fixed but also instantly accessible ones. We also have joint savings. My husband is a well off man, I am not taking his last pennies for my bag. He was happy to give me his card. I chose not to use my savings, why? I have no idea, just because he was there and there was no need for me floor transfer money from different accounts.
I think many people missed the point of this post but I cannot say I am surprised. I still take on board everything you said.
To those who understood and were helpful. Thank you!

This still makes no sense, if you have instant access to money what was even the need for a discussion, it takes seconds to transfer money. It would have been faster than a call to your Husband.

You either have plenty of money and its not even a worry or you dont have the money and need your Husband to sort it.

And surely with that level of wealth your friend would know you have more than enough so the comment makes no sense. Surely a £420 handbag wouldn't even make a remote dent in your multi millions so why was it even something she commented on. It just doesnt make sense at all.

Isittimeformynapyet · 22/06/2026 21:57

anotheruser124 · 22/06/2026 21:54

I still call absolute crap on having that amount of money and not having access to funds in any way shape or form.

As I said I have nowhere near multi millions and everyone I know who has any excess cash has different types of savings. You have money easily accessible and then longer term savings and/or investments. No way on earth would you have that level of wealth and not have some easy to access money. Dipping into savings is completely different.

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I know. I'm agreeing with you!

anotheruser124 · 22/06/2026 21:54

Isittimeformynapyet · 22/06/2026 20:25

OP didn't say she couldn't access it though, she just said she didn't want to "dip" into it.

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I still call absolute crap on having that amount of money and not having access to funds in any way shape or form.

As I said I have nowhere near multi millions and everyone I know who has any excess cash has different types of savings. You have money easily accessible and then longer term savings and/or investments. No way on earth would you have that level of wealth and not have some easy to access money. Dipping into savings is completely different.

Original poster

MounjaMum · 22/06/2026 21:46

I am going to try and explain a few things then leave at as it seems no matter what I say, majority find something else to pick.
A pp said I was from a different culture...correct. my mum's grand parents came here and did really well in a very lucrative business...they started from scratch. My paternal grandparents were very comfortable too. My parents got lots of help and in turn also did really well financially and in their careers. I am from a culture where children don't do housework etc we concentrate on studies and pretty much get everything done for us. We had cleaners etc...pretty standard.
May be I grew up sheltered but growing up most of my friends were. That does not make me tone deaf...I am aware of a col crisis but what is unfair is people think it is ok to insult me because of my privileges but most of you think it is ok for footballers, singers, Richard Branson etc..noone seems to be insulting them!

I can and could afford the bag. I have access to money. I have savings that is fixed but also instantly accessible ones. We also have joint savings. My husband is a well off man, I am not taking his last pennies for my bag. He was happy to give me his card. I chose not to use my savings, why? I have no idea, just because he was there and there was no need for me floor transfer money from different accounts.
I think many people missed the point of this post but I cannot say I am surprised. I still take on board everything you said.
To those who understood and were helpful. Thank you!

OP posts:

Tiggermad · 22/06/2026 21:04

Maybe it was just her opinion as we all often give when discussing different things.
If you don’t agree don’t let it bother you.

Seaside3 · 22/06/2026 20:56

Lomonald · 22/06/2026 16:28

People work in chains too do they not deserve paid ?

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Obviously they deserve to be paid.

However, when you spend money in an independent shop/cafe/restaurant/take away the money stays locally. It doesn't end up in the pocket of some guy in a different country who doesn't pay tax.

How you spend your money directly effects your local economy.

Isittimeformynapyet · 22/06/2026 20:25

anotheruser124 · 22/06/2026 19:46

A multi millionaire that didnt have access to less than £500 for a handbag seems rather odd to me. I have far less than multi millions and even though I have money tied up in investments, I have money that is easily and instantly accessible for any random purchases.

Im not sure I believe someone has that level of wealth and cant access under £500 for a bag!

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OP didn't say she couldn't access it though, she just said she didn't want to "dip" into it.

BlueFahrenheit · 22/06/2026 19:56

anotheruser124 · 22/06/2026 19:46

A multi millionaire that didnt have access to less than £500 for a handbag seems rather odd to me. I have far less than multi millions and even though I have money tied up in investments, I have money that is easily and instantly accessible for any random purchases.

Im not sure I believe someone has that level of wealth and cant access under £500 for a bag!

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Yes, it's rather peculiar.

anotheruser124 · 22/06/2026 19:46

Pinkchickenwine · 22/06/2026 18:38

Amazing she won’t spend any of it then!

and pointless giddy thread, I mean for minimum wage parents spending £500 a month going out is madness, a multi millionaire it’s irrelevant!

What a waste of time!

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A multi millionaire that didnt have access to less than £500 for a handbag seems rather odd to me. I have far less than multi millions and even though I have money tied up in investments, I have money that is easily and instantly accessible for any random purchases.

Im not sure I believe someone has that level of wealth and cant access under £500 for a bag!