AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

Basically, everything about you seems to irritate him. He is criticising your whole way of being and who you are. You need to have a serious conversation with him about where he wants your marriage to go. Because, to me, it seems he is not really in it and most certainly does not have your back as a husband should. But first, hand him a full list of all his faults and everything he does wrong or doesn't do in the marriage or household and let's see how he takes that.

This

Good!!

This man is abusive. If only by the fact he has being stonewalling you fur the last 5 days, let alone all the other stuff.

Please do NOT tell him you’re seing à sollicitor.
Do NOT give him a whiff of what your plans are.
Sort things out for yourself first. Then tell him.
Because you can be sure the first thing he’ll do is to make it your fault, that you’re just too anxious, seeing problems when there aren’t any, that you’re stupid etc…..
So when you go in, I’d have an iron clad plan you can stick too despite his attacks.

Anyone who would say those things to someone they have chosen to share a life with is treating that person as an employee.

I’d spend some time considering what a comparable list of his “faults” would be and include it in my divorce papers.

You poor thing.
I had a fiancé in my 20s and he demonstrated some of the same behaviors - if I didn't do things the way he did them (which were obviously the only right way) I was clearly an idiot. He put me down a lot. He didn't have a list of all my faults, but his awful mother kept a spreadsheet!

I was devastated when we broke up but it was for the best. It destroyed my self confidence and took years to get it back.

I'd never put up with such treatment now!

As hard as this change will be, you’ll actually find your life is easier once this horrible negative person isn’t constantly telling you how worthless you are. Communicate only in writing (either by text or through solicitors) and only discuss necessities, no personal chitchat, no small talk. He will almost certainly turn into an even meaner, pettier, nastier version than he is, so be prepared to ignore the insults and don’t allow him to draw you into sniping and insults.

But, honestly, get your ducks in a row and get the fuck away from this vile man.

Respond with your own list and some of your own home truths about him. Start a social
life of your own and see how you feel with your own space. If his protestations continue then consult a solicitor & buy some decent headphones.

Should Not * be calling names

He should be calling you thick or stupid or any name at all he sounds like a narcissist! Honestly me me me me
Your life will be easier and happier without him!

Please don’t leave him OP, make him leave, tell him as you aren’t “good enough” he should GO and find someone better.

Then buy yourself a robotic hoover and get a Deliveroo account. What a twat he is.

He’s been saving all this up,these are just words, how long before words turn into action - by him.
Marriage is a partnership but yours seem to be about “what he wants”.
I realise that here on Mumsnet we are only reading about your side of things, however it’s obvious you are both unhappy. Take action now - counselling, separation or divorce, or the children will suffer long term.

Corrected Version
Don't pay him enough attention – You work full-time and have children!

Don't make him feel special enough – Oh please, how ridiculous.

Am too soft with the kids – Up for debate. He is probably too hard on them.

Am too boring. Don't have a social life – You are so busy working full-time and raising a family. A social life often starts back up after the kids have grown.

Work too much – If you work part-time, he would complain you don't work enough.

Put the kids before him – As it should be! Aren't parents supposed to do that?

Put work before him – Full-time work takes up a lot of hours and it is important that you get the work done so you can keep your job.

Don't do enough around the house – Sounds like you do a lot!

Never listens – You listened to all of his complaints. Clearly, you listen.

OH MY GOD!!

Firstly why do some men expect the woman to solve all the problems, how sitting down and seeing what you guys could do to free up some time for a bit of quality 1 to 1. Children are emotionally exhausting and I felt that I was never longer a woman and just a mum… it takes work to pay a relationship attention in a young family and rather than trying to create a solution he’s just telling you his problem like at just your job to fix it.

some men seem to think once your married or have children you don’t need to be romanced to turned on to sleep with them, like shouting at kids, picking up after everyone and financially surviving makes you feel all sexy and wanted.

just tell him if you had a flat tyre you would fix it not shout at car. Time to start pumping some air into your relationship and finding ways to free up your time. What about attention to you? And not just before you go to bed when your shattered and haven’t even had a proper conversation all day.

tell him what you need in order for him to get what he needs… and also tell him you can’t do all those things at the same time and he’s a selfish idiot x

Another useless meanspirited man. There seem to be so many of these out there.

I knew my dh was a good man for sure when I saw the loving and respectful relationship he had with his mother (who welcomed me with open arms btw). I think that's a good indicator for how a man treats women in general.

Hold your head up high and look on this as a new beginning for you and the kids. You have seen the light and are worth so much more than these deplorable insults time after time. Good Luck and be happy xx

To be honest, it doesn’t sound like he likes you very much. Maybe he should fuck off and try and find better and see what that looks like. What a total dick.

Good for you - this was me 3 years ago.

It is crap to not have two incomes coming in, but the freedom and joy that come from not having him around is priceless.

Wishing you a future of happiness!

Wow I can only imagine what you must be feeling with the gaslighting here. Total disgrace of a man. How dare he. Please god leave this nasty selfish degrading piece of crap immediately. No respect no love nothing.

Please please please leave him.

Good luck. I hope you find happiness and peace.

Leave the selfish ingrate

I cannot imagine staying with someone who treated me so badly. How does he expect you to have a social life when he’s out on Saturdays & sabotages any plans you’ve made when he makes alternate plans for himself? If you leave him, I suspect we will see a post in a year or two where you are blissfully happy & he is still a miserable jerk.

My therapist showed me children’s hierarchy of need asked me what did the children’s father do for them….it was bare minimal. Opened my eyes and I made my way out. There are good men out there. He is not a good man.

I would have asked what he does like about me because thats a long list! I would wonder why he is there. Don't get me wrong having a conversation on why things aren't working is important and his feelings(and yours) are validated but it takes a partnership to work on those issues and if he is expecting you to just change everything to accommodate him and him put in zero effort then it won't work.

Well done to you for listening to the comments here OP. It isn’t easy but your husband is not a good man.

I would love to see a list of his faults.
But honestly, when it gets down to criticizing your driving or calling you thick, this is bullying.