AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

My ex-husband used to do this. Reel off a list of all my faults. Moan that I worked long hours whilst being the bigger spender (I earned more).

Note exhusband.

Joking aside you will have normalized this behaviour after years of it and it's not normal at all.

Please think about your own wellbeing and consider of the marriage is worth it.

I absolutely do think OP needs to leave this man and reclaim her life and dignity. However, all the posts saying she needs to save her children from this nasty man and she owes it them to LTB etc are missing a very important point. He will still be their father and will potentially have them half the time where she won't be there to 'protect' them. She needs to leave so she can be free and in doing so will show the kids she won't be treated like a doormat but they can't leave him and it's not on OP to protect them from him.

No, this is too big for that kind of response. She needs to leave the relationship, not just go out more.

LTB. What a prick.

Oh my goodness me. This is horrible. What an awful way to treat you as his wife and the mother of his children. I was in a similar position and I left - I gave him everything I had and it wasn’t enough and it would never have been as he was actually the problem. You deserve so much more happiness and you should try and find it. Wishing you lots of luck and you will find that happiness x

So he is jealous of his own children?

What a selfish, self centred man.

Why are you even trying? Nothing will ever be good enough for him, and he won’t realise how good he had it until it is gone.

You can either live an unhappy life with this man or please yourself (as he does!) and get rid.

Jesus. These men! The best part of your life is about to begin. What a dead weight he is and what a bright future for you and dc.

I wanted to put you are being unreasonable- only and merely because you are still with him and even on here keep adding explanations to excuse/ explain yourself! It sounds like he has ( understandably) eroded your confidence and self respect to the point you question whether the criticisms are justified. He is annihilating your character, intelligence and confidence- whilst luxuriating in you facilitating his lazy lifestyle. Anyone can say one wrong/ hurtful thing out of turn occasionally - but this man-baby’s long list, plus the sweeping statements about you being lazy , thick etc are absolutely inexcusable. You deserve so so much better. He’s supposed to be your partner through life, your biggest supporter. Your kids also need to see that you are human and worthy of respect. Bail - as quickly and as efficiently as you can and take the b**d for everything you can.

I don't know what's going on with MN. So many threads by women (?) asking if they're being unreasonable to have hurty feelings over what is obviously atrocious behaviour by someone else. Don't you know YNBU?? Do you need anonymous posters on MN to validate you or stroke your ruffled feathers? Dont ask IYABU, just lay it all out there and ask for advice on what to do. Perhaps it's the hot weather 🥵, whatever. Just LTB.

Lovely you and be yourself. You are saying you are used. I don't know you but I 💯 wish you well

Urgh what a knob head 🤢

Don’t put up with this, OP. If you start the process of separation and divorce now in a year you’ll be in a much better place minus the awful husband. Do you really need him in your life to moan and groan about made up faults?

Please think about leaving this guy where he belongs, in the past.

If I were you I’d instantly get my salary to go into your own account to start with.

I would feel like a divorce where I get every other weekend free and he has to help pay for childcare, etc..

ODFOD. That's all.

Why would he expect to come before the children?

I'd think he was a petulant, childish tosser who should toddle back home to his mummy and stop wasting my time.

Honestly, his list of complaints is almost him shouting "Me, me, me". What sort of man resents the mother of his children spending time with his children?

What a knob.

You don’t need to change at all, except to rid yourself of this abusive, immature idiot, before he does more damage to your self-esteem and identity.
Do not go to marriage counselling until he has been in therapy to learn why he is an abusive prick and how is going to change. (Spoiler alert: he thinks he is perfect and doesn’t need to change.)
Please know that this is not your fault - certainly nobody is perfect, but the way he has gone about this tells you a lot about who he really is.

Wow 😮 do not put up with being treated like a doormat. What a catch. So angry for you.

Don't live like this - you don't have to put up with someone who clearly isn't on your side, and is actively undermining you and working against you.

Agree with this!

This is verging on the abusive, however is it something you do that is being played back at you? I ask because we only have one side of the story

He resents you. There’s no coming back from this, please leave him and shine alone. He sounds horribly selfish. It’ll only get worse.

OP -

Im glad you are seeing this loser for what he is.

I agree. Don’t let him know you want to divorce him.

Solicitors are expensive so you might want to handle the divorce bit yourself. It’s 500 ish and just requires filling in simple online forms. You’ll need your marriage certificate and ID.

There is a cooling if period of a few weeks inbetween first filing and applying for the interim order (decree nisi as was). Then another before you can file for the final order (decree absolute as was).

In between the interim and final it’s wise to get the financial bit legally sorted. This prevents him coming back in the future and renegotiating. This is the bit legal advice is essential for.

Mediation can help sort out child care arrangements. You get one free session.

So there are three separate but linked processes;

• divorce
• financial settlement
• childcare arrangements

If you have joint accounts try and close them if you can think of a reason to that won’t make him suspicious. Make sure you know where all the money is.

You can free legal advice by phoning a law firm to get their free initial session. Lots of good stuff online too.

@Timeforachange2026

This!!

(Indeed, time for a change!!)

Some one told me once that the time to seriously think about divorce is when you find everything annoying from what they say to the way they hold a spoon.

It is true, you don’t need to wait until you start throwing things to each other to start putting your ducks in a row. If you are doing so much and it is still not enough, I can assure you that you would find single motherhood a breeze compared to what you have today, removing a manchild that is always putting you down and giving you so much extra work.