Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel hurt by my husband's list of faults?

487 replies

Timeforachange2026 · 21/06/2026 12:42

Dh and i have been on the rocks for a while. Had come to heads with a massive argument today and he decided to list all my faults during an argument. Below is the list

Don't pay him enough attention.
Don't mase him feel special enough
Am too soft with the kids
Am too boring. Don't have a social life (came up when he called me an awful wife, said I coukd be worse and be out drinking every night etc and he said ooh imagine if you had a social life)
Work too much (both work full time)
Put the kids before him
Put work before him
Don't do enough around the house (I do the washing, load/unload the dishwasher, do all school drop offs and majority of pick ups bar a few odd days. Also all household admin, bills, appointments etc.)
Never listen...this came from an argument where he was shouting upstairs to our eldest...I wasn't listening as it was a conversation between them and didn't hear my name mentioned...and he got thr hump that I didn't answer

In regards to making him feel special or pay enough attention, not sure what else he expects. We work full time, have two young children and various school activities. He finishes work earlier than me and moans i don't finish work at the time on my WFH days to spend time with him (i'm contracted to 5pm??)

Oh and I don't cook dinner enough.

If someone gave this as a lift of flaws...how would you feel

OP posts:
Nearly50omg · 21/06/2026 12:59

Line your ducks up and tell him to move out that the human appliance has had enough!!

FiveShelties · 21/06/2026 12:59

Hadalifeonce · 21/06/2026 12:44

And this man is still breathing????

This!

I would absolutely not tolerate this, he would have to go!

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 21/06/2026 12:59

He is an abusive narcissist.

In response I would be returning the favour and presenting him with a list of faults and then tell him the door is there, he is welcome to leave

I would also be putting ducks in a row and starting divorce proceedings

PetulaGordeno · 21/06/2026 12:56

So you are thick but have a full time job?
Well, that’s quite an achievement isn’t it?
Sounds like the opening line of The Script to me.

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 21/06/2026 12:56

Timeforachange2026 · 21/06/2026 12:53

Also to add...he moans i don't have a social life. But he goes out every Saturday for his sporting event so I have to work around that.

He says I can't talk to people as all i do is stare at a computer all day, but when he calls me thick and stupid because I do something differently to how he does (there's not two ways of doing something in his mind, there is his way or the wrong way) I don't really want to talk to people as i'm worried he will complain about what i say

Him calling you thick and stupid is the deal breaker. The way you have phrased this suggests he is controlling.

Pearshapedpear · 21/06/2026 12:55

Timeforachange2026 · 21/06/2026 12:53

Also to add...he moans i don't have a social life. But he goes out every Saturday for his sporting event so I have to work around that.

He says I can't talk to people as all i do is stare at a computer all day, but when he calls me thick and stupid because I do something differently to how he does (there's not two ways of doing something in his mind, there is his way or the wrong way) I don't really want to talk to people as i'm worried he will complain about what i say

Oh my goodness…. You deserve far better than this…. Make plans to separate asap.

worldshottestmom · 21/06/2026 12:54

Any man that wants you to put him before your own kids is not one worth being with. When are you divorcing him? I'd be on the phone first thing in the morning, and make sure he can hear.

Timeforachange2026 · 21/06/2026 12:53

Also to add...he moans i don't have a social life. But he goes out every Saturday for his sporting event so I have to work around that.

He says I can't talk to people as all i do is stare at a computer all day, but when he calls me thick and stupid because I do something differently to how he does (there's not two ways of doing something in his mind, there is his way or the wrong way) I don't really want to talk to people as i'm worried he will complain about what i say

OP posts:
GreenFootstool · 21/06/2026 12:44

Oh isn't he a poor wee sausage, neglected by his wife and not made to feel special 🙄.

Frankly I'd book myself onto a nice course I fancied, book a night out with my mates twice a week and leave the selfish prick to sulk at home as often as possible.

When they go low, we go high. Head up, tits out and suit yourself.

Hadalifeonce · 21/06/2026 12:44

And this man is still breathing????

Balloonhearts · 21/06/2026 12:44

I would feel a burning desire to be single, honestly.

TeenLifeMum · 21/06/2026 12:44

I would say “okay, you go and find better. We’re done!” Why stay with someone who doesn’t like you? Honestly, you deserve better. Your live partner should be the one person you can count on to be your cheerleader.